Friday, January 28, 2005

Made from the worst stuff on earth

So I bought some pizza and decided to get some fruit punch.AWFUL! Do not ever, under any circumstances purchase this crap. I couldn't believe how awful it was. That's what I get for trying to think outside the box and not get the friggin iced tea! I wrote them a letter of complaint. See it below..........

To whom it may concern,
I felt it was my duty to inform you about my experience with your fruit punch. I walked into my local Pizza parlor and decided, remembering the fine taste of fruit punch with my pizza from my childhood, that I should purchase some of yours to drink with my Stromboli roll. Upon getting home and tasting your so-called "fruit punch" I discovered that the memories from childhood that it brought to mind were those of my mother force-feeding me cough medicine or benadryl when I was sick. That's right, it tastes like medicine that some genius decided to try and make more palatable to the human taste bud.
I'm sure by now that you get my point. Your fruit punch is awful!I'm sure that by this point you have recieved many notes of complaint about this product and have fired all of your former taste testers. They may have been the same people who tested Jelly-bellys' "vomit" flavored jelly beans. For letting them go..........I applaud you! Good job Snapple! People who would allow you to bring this product to market in the first place have no place in the fine Snapple family I'm sure.
Please alert me as to when your new, improved Snapple fruit punch, which tastes like fruit punch, will be coming to market.....and to a pizza parlor, bodega or local drug store near me.
I will avoid purchasing a Snapple at a pizza parlor until I hear from you that all is clear. By the way, have you ever seen their mark ups?!? I work in retail and I am amazed that they can get away with financially sodomizing the public that way sometimes. I guess they have a captive audience who figures that if they are going to put garlic on their pizza they ought to at least get a fine Snapple beverage to cover up the stink. For their sake, I hope it is the ol' trusty standby.....Snapple Lemon Iced Tea.....your best, "made from the best stuff on earth" drink. I don't want to spend my hard earned money on poor Snapple beverages anymore.

Yours,
Tom Dowd

I urge you all not to ever buy this stuff


Wednesday, January 26, 2005

North Carolinee

Well, looks like I may be moving to North Carolina, and I hope it's not a fools mission. If this could be such a good thing then why am I stressing? I want a career, but I am afraid to leave my family and friends. I will miss them all. So why go?!?

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Go To Hell (my hell)

Geeks
Circle I Limbo

Militant Vegans
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Rednecks
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Heather Holley
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Oakland Raider Fans
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

Dave Dowd
Circle VII Burning Sands

Osama bin Laden
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

George Bush
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell