Well in Dowd

2008-03-28T22:42:00.001-04:00

What do you see when you look at this picture?

2008-03-21T00:11:00.003-04:00

To begin...click on the picture below to embiggin.

1. Bret Michaels, our hero from "Rock of Love 2" in line at the airport.

2.Bret's uber cool custom leather jacket.

3. The Camel-toe monster coming to eat our hero Bret.

Sense of humor quiz

2008-03-20T09:47:00.003-04:00

On a scale of one to ten, how funny do you find yourself?

I find myself to be a ten...I crack me up.

If others laugh with me, that is just cheddar.

Thank you for taking the sense of humor quiz. Please leave your score in the comments.

Ozzy Ozbourne's next (farewell) tour

2008-03-16T23:35:00.005-04:00

I was talking about Ozzy tonight and I am proud to say that I saw him on his farewell tour in 1992 or '93. IT was seriously called the "No More Tours Tour"

Ozzy is very much like the McRib...he just keeps going away.

Also like the McRib, Ozzy is cheap, delicious, gives you the pork and will stain your shirt.

Ozzy Rules!

Bret Michaels is Bald

2008-03-15T23:45:00.007-04:00

Bret Michaels is bald and a douchebag. I mean for god's sake, we all know that there is something going on up there. No normal man wears a bandanna to fucking bed!

I would bet a pack of Ho-Ho's that Bret (Real name: Bret Michael Sychek..which is not too cool) has gone from the rock club to the hair club.

I have been hooked on Rock of Love 2 lately. The show is like crack...you want more...right away.

Bret should choose Daisy. She looks like a horse. If this thing doesn't work out he can at least make glue.

Ambre has my money to win, but deserves to lose...just for not standing up and correcting her parents dyslexia.

Megan is funny. She is a fucking bitch on wheels and hot as a chili pepper. Her face is a little doughy in my opinion. Perhaps I think that only her body is hot as a chili pepper. Her face reminds me of Ghostbusters. I think she can win this thing with a little more bitchiness and a paper bag for her minion of Gozer face.

Destiny wears a lot of eyeliner. Almost as much as Bret.

Jessica is fucking cute and dumb. It must have been weird for her to come out from under her rock to audition.

Christi Joe...you come off as crazy and WHAT IS WITH THE EYEBROWS!?!?! I am sure tha millions will enjoy seeing you in playboy,if the rumors are true, as long as you paint in the eyebrows.

So now that I have outed myself. I would just like to say that I would really like someone to rip off that fucking bandanna. I do however have to give props to Bret. Pushing 50 he has managed to fill a house with hot chicks who have all been tested for venereal disease.

Well done you bald fuck.

Oh Football Where Art Thou?

2007-06-18T18:17:00.000-04:00

With nothing really to post about, I am going to write about the utter lack of football in my life. Basketball season is over. I have never really given a rat's ass about Hockey. Baseball is in full swing, but truthfully? Baseball is about as exciting on T.V. as golf. Which means that I find it better suited for an afternoon nap than for television viewing.

Going to a baseball game is a lot of fun. Unfortunately, I live in Raleigh, NC. What does this mean you ask? Well, it means that the Yankees will never be playing an away game in this damn town. I could even settle for the Mets, but once again, no major leagues.

We have the Durham Bulls. Sort of. They are 45 minutes away from me. Durham might as well be another country anyhow. I have been there once, the entire city was closed (it was Sunday...why have ANY SMALL PART OF YOUR WHOLE FUCKING CITY OPEN ON SUNDAY?!?!?) and went home.

I did like Bull Durham though. Good movie. See it.

Anyhow, I want football back. I don't want to hear anything more about juiced up players doing their best to hit home runs and ass fuck the most holy of sports records of the american pastime.
I would much prefer to watch juiced up player smack the fuck out of each other while wearing body armor that would make Batman proud.

I need to get cable to I can watch the Jets this year.

I suppose I could watch Soccer. Ugh! I just can't get into watching a sport that Rick Allen could play just as well as anyone.

Plus...Soccer is gay...not that there is anything wrong with that.

Gimme Football, please.

Get away from the Pope nasty dove of peace

2007-05-26T16:21:00.000-04:00

Saw this online. I was looking for pics of the Pope. Yes, I was looking for pics of the Pope. This made me laugh. Any caption ideas should be added to comments.

Recipes for Guys

2007-05-25T08:19:00.000-04:00

Passer au four à Micro-ondes des Sucissons

An American classic, good for breakfast, lunch, dinner or a snack.

Ingredients-

Two Hot Dogs
Microwave oven
Bun or Fork

1-Place Hot Dogs in Microwave. You can use a plate, but those will take time to wash later and this thing is really just going into you.
2-Microwave on high until the hot dogs moves(about 30-50 seconds). Listen for a hissing sound this is also a indicator that it is ready.
3-Pick up with bun or fork and eat.
4-Repeat until you are no longer hungry.

Goes well with:

Beer

Bon Appetite.

A good Joke

2007-05-23T23:12:00.000-04:00

A good joke is to, deadpan, look at your friend and ask them "Hey man, what do you do about the purple blisters on your penis?" as if everyone has them.

Umm...this is probably not a good joke for the ladies to pull.

Double Umm...I do not actually have purple blisters on my penis.

Rob

2007-05-19T00:51:00.000-04:00

I am one of the most competative people you might ever meet. I hate to lose. It is a sickness. I hate not being number one. I couldn't let a six year old beat me at bowling.No. Seriously. It happened. I couldn't let her beat me.

So there is a lot there. I played C.Y.O. basketball for a number of years when I was growing up. C.Y.O. , for those of you who don't know, stands for "Catholic, Youth, Organization". Maybe all that guilt on the court made for better play.

We were a good team. Second or third best in our league. St. Matthias. We were good. I was never a very good shooter, but boy could I play me some defense. We always come up second to St. Pancras. (For some reason my young mind could never quite understand why those kids played for a church named after an organ). I hated that fuckin team. My friend Rob from middle school, whose last name has escaped along with the years of my life, played for the hated organ saints.

We were okay at school. Playing "Sporks" at lunch time and tossing pennies during free periods. I believe that he even hit me in the testicles one time while playing "sucide" in the school yard. All in all, fast freinds.

On the court was an entirley different matter. I would hit, push and do anything I could to win. I was a dirty player with a chip on his shoulder. Hey, I like to win.

So the moment this whole post is about, is a time at St Pancras church. We were playing a game in the auditorium. Rob and I dove for a loose ball and ended up tied up. A jump ball was called. Rob and I lined up, face to face.

That moment is one I have thought about many times in my life. Everytime I think of competition.We looked each other in the eye. Just before the ref threw up the ball. Time stopped. It was me and Rob. Two freinds, two competitors. Both wanting to best each other.
A slight smirk curled Rob's lip. A small smirk mirrored itself on mine.The ref threw up the ball.

We jumped.

We are the Pussys! Who are you?

2007-05-06T14:59:00.000-04:00

For those (seemingly very few of you) who do not have a myspace account, it has, from what I can tel really taken over for ol' blogger in many ways. Lots of info, but less interaction.
You have a group of "friends" who can look at your site and leave comments. Comments, are not like they used to be on here. They are often one liners, and often are pre made graphic packages that you get from another site. Very little going on there.
Interestingly enough, a while back I went onto Myspace and posted a pic of me from the old long hair days. From about 1990 I think.
A few days later I get an email from "Pussy Sister". That went something like this.

"Tom. You be rockin' guy that is from same as Pussy Sister to be rockin' the world. We are hoping to see you in U.S.A. when tour is going for Pussys. Rockin roll man!"

A German "Rock'n roll" band (yes the apostrophe is misplaced and is what you would encounter if you went to meet the Pussys as they call themselves).
These guys have given me an imense amount of laughs. Check out their band Bio...

About Pussy Sisster Music comes and music goes - but the "dirty" rock´n roll will be always alive. This is the mind and the way of live of the boy´s from PUSSY SISSTER : wild, hot and explosive.These guys Alex Sex, Mark Heart,Joe Johnson and Mr. COMA aren´t fans of fashion music.Their songs are explosive, dirty, softly, directly and very sexy. Rock´n Roll is a connection of music, feelings and a great show, and this is the job of the Pussy Sisster on stage. Their live-show is full of power, energy and self-confidence. Pussy Sisster´s motto is : Play Rock´n Roll, live Rock´n Roll....and they still do !!! Brought on the point : wild, wilder, Pussy Sisster.... Bandstart: October 2003 Bandstarters: Alex "SEX" Nad, Mark Heart, Chris Nad Bandimage: wild, real good and powerfull Live-Performance, hot outfits, Gig´s: international Visions: Label-Deal, big Tour, good Albums,

Perfection!

Many times I have thought to correct their English at least to let them know that no self respecting American would every refer to themselves as a Pussy, but it is too much fun! In their eponymous song Pussy Sister, they are rocking out and all shout "We are the Pussys...who are you?!?!". It rules.

Basically, they are the guy with the kick me sign on his back getting kicked in the pants. I t's so much fun to watch that I am not going to tell the sign is there...and better yet, that it is in their own hand writing.

Take a moment, have some fun and check out

Pussy Sisster

Giants and Indians for Marianne

2007-02-16T01:16:00.000-05:00

Abiyoyo is the story of a young boy (guitarist) and his father (magician) who get kicked out of their town and come back to save the town from a horrible giant, who eats cow, sheep and shit (well, not actual shit as in number two, but shit as in stuff. One might wonder why I just wouldn't say "stuff". Well, my saying "shit" is more for emphasis and the byproduct of a healthy Queens upbringing (we swear...a lot) than for any other reason). The father and his son (guitarist) are accepted back into the town and everyone sings

A-bi-yo-yo
A-bi-yo-yo

etc, etc...Until, at the age of thirty four they almost piss their pants laughing and one of their friends , trying to keep his cool, ends up crying a single tear like the sanitation dump Indian from the commercials in the seventies.

Life should be full of days and nights where your cheek muscles hurt from laughing with people you love.

Sad part is?

your cheeks wouldn't hurt if you laughed at other times. If your laugh muscles were worked out more often.

I can frown like a champ. The space between my eyebrows looks like the grand canyon. I scrunch them up sooo much that if you massage that space, like one might rub the underbelly of an alligator, or like a boy playing guitar to a giant with a funny name, I instantly fall asleep.

I carry my tension there like grocery bags after a month of no shopping. Won't somebody give me a pimply faced teenager or a slower functioning slightly retarded individual to carry my bags?

Oh to be that pimply faced teenager, full of angst, beating it in his room and wishing that somebody loved him, again. Things were so easy.

I hadn't been pushed around, beat up, and sometimes fucked in the ass by the huge (pronounced Uge like a northerner, not hUge like someone who speaks proper English) donkey cock of life. Ouch.

Life gets a bit tougher, but also, and hopefully, full of more fun.

It should be pretty simple. It really is. Be happy.

In fact, we men folk have it even easier than the ladies we know as far as I can tell. We can't win the arguments.Shouldn't even try.

We should all know that the women that love us are at least twice as smart as we are. It works out well that way.

Ladies, therefore, have a lot more concerns. Like wearing a matching outfit.Learning that proper skin care is important, that beer should not be consumed EVERY evening and that the hardened crust that forms on top when you don't close the toothpaste tube is not "Nature's cap".

Really, men are very simple. It boils down to three questions for us...

Will we eat?
Will we fuck?
Will it be warm?

If the answer to those questions are yes...we have a winner. But really? We would be fine being in Helsinki in February if it meant bumpin' uglies with a large pie and a six pack.

Point? Gals make more sense, I am going to listen and go where is good for me.

I'll love, honor and even obey. I have fucked up and learned. I will charge the gates of hell with only a spork to stave off the minions of hell, climb a mountain in the winter, in white out conditions and have to shit in a bag, or even listen to side two of Journey's greatest hits where they put only filler and songs from the little known 2001 album "Arrival" in order to be happy at hope.

Goal? No more hurtin' cheeks, a few more laugh lines than wrinkles and more than a feeling like when I see my Marianne walking away.

On this day like any other...Part 3

2007-02-15T00:33:00.000-05:00

This was probably the best Valentines day that I have had in years. Low Key. No heartaches on my mind ('cept maybe the few little tinges of thinking of past Valentine's days) and a general bounce in my step.

Yes things are coming up Tommy.

I was told this evening, by my date, that I don't take as much joy in holidays as I should. I had never really thought that. I suppose that may take years of work to undo.

Most holidays are of a religious sort. I am not a very religious man. Even those with religious connotations have been de-mystified to the point that the religious and spiritual aspects are buried underneath mounds of commercialism. I defy anyone to tell me that Christmas doesn't seem to be one long Super Bowl commercial, or that the Cadbury bunny doesn't seem the bigger part of Easter than the fact that it is the day that created ALL Christian religions.

Religion is on my mind and always at the heart of the matter. I grew up son of a former nun and was taught to take stock in god, and Jesus everyday. It didn't matter that it usually brought me little gratification, or that I really never believed that someone could rise from the dead, or much less, be born to a woman who never had sex.

CANNOT HAPPEN.

Joseph most definitely porked the supposed Virgin Mary. Whether he was Jesus' father or not, he most definitely porked her. and somebody porked her to make Jesus.

And you know what?

There is nothing wrong with that. She was doing what she was created to do. I have no problem with Mary having sex and then having a baby from that sex and he going on to be the most influential person in the history of the world. He could have been conceived doggie style and that is okay too.

At my Uncle Bruce's funeral, one of my Aunt's made a comment about my young cousin Sean becoming a Priest. Kid is like 10 years old. My reply? "Is he gay?" This seriously offended my Aunt and she said he is not. She also accused me of being a homophobic. Which I also am not. My cousin Chad is gay, out and one of the coolest guys you're going to meet. friendly and affable. I just happen to think that if you are gay, and therefore imbued with a deep self hate by a religion that tells you that what you feel is wrong, then fuck it, become a Priest. Then, nobody will question why you are not married, not bagging chicks, or don't have a girlfriend.

My cousin Steve is the most non-gay looking guy you will ever meet, but people are asking his mom if he is, because he not married at 35. Perhaps the problem is not that he craves cock over wang-dang-sweet pootang, but that he doesn't want to get married.

Me, I would probably tell him that he ought to try some cock if he can't find a girl he likes...but only because I like to fuck with him.

In the church during his dad's funeral, I found myself thinking about the priests. What would cause someone to want to do that? I thought of a few reasons.

One-They are gay and can't admit that to their Catholic families.

Two-The are failed rock stars and megalomaniacs who need a captive audience to give them the spotlight that they so richly deserve.

Three-they thought it would be cool to go against their very nature and the apply very bizarre "no sex for priests rule" to their lives. Somebody tell me why priests can't marry please.

With that said, I still find that in my moments of need, I fall back to thinking of a god I don't really believe in and hoping that he will help me find a parking space close to the door of the Harris Teeter, so I won't have to push my grocery cart very far.

My Aunt Noreen (I have 6 Aunts on my mom's side) asked me why I wasn't saying the Hail Mary during the ceremonies for my Grandma. She asked if I forgot it. Mind you, this was in reference to the Rosary, a Catholic ritual where you cram as many prayers into a short period of time as possible while running your hands over beads much like those thrown at Mardi Gras parades. Almost as much fun except nobody shows you their tits.

I decided to pray out loud with my family for the first time in about 15 years. More to support them than for any deep beliefs that I have. It hurts nothing, and like very few rock and roll songs, I know all the words, so why the fuck not.

So St. Valentine you must have buddied up St Jude for me this past year. Thanks, things have worked out well. For you I offer this up.

Hail Mary, full of grace
thanks a lot for having a kid
while I believe you had sex
lots of people believe that an angel mystically inseminated you through your ear
and I respect that
thanks for raising a pretty cool son
he has made a lot of people's lives better
and though he would probably be sad to hear of the hurt that has been done in his name
you did a damn fine job
I hope this message finds you well
and...if you had anything to do with it, thanks for sending love my way
please send some to everyone else
and help Eric Mangini lead the Jets to a Super Bowl Victory
Now and at the hour of our death

Amen.

Take me home, country road

2007-02-12T12:38:00.001-05:00

Long drives have been a part of my life as long as I can remember. My Mom was from Pittsburgh PA, and as Ca-Tho-Lic as one can possibly be. For those who aren't sure what that means, it means that my grandparents were down with the Roman Catholic Church's ban on birth control (If I am not mistaken, this is due to the fact that somewhere in the bible there is a blurb about it being a sin to "spill the seed")

The result? 10 children. That's right, my mom has 9 brothers and sisters. The effect this has when your mom moves to NYC to raise you and 7 of her siblings, and 20 of your 26 cousins stay in the Pittsburgh area? 8 hour car rides AT LEAST 2 times a year for 35 years.

As a result, I am well versed in the language of the road. Specifically, the Pennsylvania Turnpike and its various tributaries which lead from Brooklyn, NY.

For those of you who have never driven the Penn Turnpike...it is maybe the most boring of rides in the western hemisphere. As I was told at this past weekend, my thinking about the road could be due to the fact that I have driven the road, by a conservative estimate, 150 times, but feels like more than 1000.

I knew as a kid that we were going to drive out of NYC, probably stop at Midway/Bethel (yes folks, not a lot of creativity in the name of this place, it is midway between Allentown and Harrisburg) and go to the Midway Diner.

What I remember most about the Midway Diner is that it seemed, as a child, to be the place that time forgot. What does that mean, you ask? Well, it means that the wood paneling had a 1950's sheen to it. The bathrooms looked like those installed in public schools during the Roosevelt era. You know, the urinals built into the wall that run to the floor as opposed to today’s wall mounted models. There was vending machine where you could purchase aspirin, gum and condoms. I recall be especially intrigued by the "French Tickler" (which I finally purchased after many years of curiousity and was sorely disappointed) That new fangled inventions such as "paper towels" and "hand soap" were viewed by the management to be something that city folk and apostates used and were eschewed.

What was in their place? Well there was an old towel that was attached to a loop. You would pull down the towel to get a clean 6 inch section. I assumed (and prayed) that the box it was attached to contained some ancient disinfecting device. (note, the device, while similar to the one below, was made of metal which seemed the height of soviet technology and the towel itself, while having the blue lines, was not white as you see. Years of use had helped it achieve a more cream or eggshell color.)

Soft soap was replaced with something resembling Ajax or Comet. You would hit the dispenser and instead of dispensing out a bit of soothing soap, a powdery mess would be expelled into your palm. Imagine the dismay of a young kid when, in an attempt to lather and properly wash, he must first put his hands through a ritual usually reserved for All Clad cookware and Bathtubs.

I stopped washing my hands at midway, unless accompanied by my father to the bathroom, or upon having done number 2. I figured that if I only went pee-pee, my dick wasn't all that dirty and I could always crap at the Jim Thorpe, All American Restaurant in Carlisle.

That's right folks, the next big stop was always Carlisle, where Jim Thorpe (who as a young boy was sent to Carlisle's Indian School) everyone’s favorite Indian Olympian held the keys to my young bowels. There a young man could defecate in peace. Well...sort of. You see, truckers (and this was most definitely a truck stop) tend to drink A LOT of coffee. Coffee, for those of you who have never had the unfortunate experience of visiting a Starbucks bathroom, is a laxative.

One time, I was sitting in one of the two stalls at the All American, and heard a series of powerful, commanding farts emanating from the stall next to me that I was afraid the man in there might be losing some valuable vital organs out of his ass. The capper was that after the farting subsided, I heard an almost inaudible "ow". Had I not been finished, I may have shit my pants laughing.

For years, whenever I am in a bathroom alone, and a friend walks in, I have attempted to recreate this fine moment of my youth by making fart sounds and following them up with an "ow". It almost always elicits a laugh. Truckers are an interesting lot.

The Jim Thorpe was also the place where my ex-wife and I, many years later, were having breakfast and an extremely tall trucker came over and jokingly exclaimed that we reminded him of Mutt&Jeff.(I am six foot five and my Nicole was five foot six) We all laughed and he went on to tell us how his ex wife was five foot nothing. We smiled. He then told us, as his smile faded, that the fucking whore left him when he was in the hospital and he hopes she burns in hell. It was at this point we bid him good day.

Years later, Nicole and I pulled into the parking lot for that same restaurant, in the middle of the night. The sign was there, but the building was gone. A black empty void in its place.

After Carlisle, it was onto the Penn Turnpike. 3 or 4 hours of nothing except rest stops and tunnels. Three tunnels and then we were in the 'Burgh. Taking I376 through Monroeville and getting off at Churchill and making our way to Grandma's house. Then, hopefully, on to see my cousin Steve, Aunt Carol and Uncle Bruce.

These past two weeks, I have been in Pittsburgh twice. I haven't visited so much in recent years. Strange going there now that Grandma and Uncle Bruce are gone. The road was a little more interesting this time, new and untraveled by me. I now drive from the south, not from NYC. I have said goodbye to two people whom I loved and cared about deeply and who had a major impact on my life, just like the road to Pittsburgh.

The path ahead is a new one, the old stops are no longer available, some of the people I used to visit also. I have a new traveling partner, a new point of origin and a new car. Is that the sun I see rising?

(Cue sappy music...I need to take a crap)

Play it again Sam...

2007-02-08T17:43:00.000-05:00

Not that this is a romantic post. It's been a long time since I graced this page with anything new and interesting. I suppose I will begin with an update.

I am still living in Rallywood , North Cackalackee. I buried my grandmother two weeks ago and am going to drive to Pittsburgh tonight for my uncles funeral. I am feeling a bit surrounded by death. It's affecting my sleep and life in general.

Both of them were very important influences on my life. They are already sorely missed. Time is so precious. It is really easy to forget that important little nugget I think.

So there it is, a little something off of my chest. Maybe I will be back again soon. As time goes by.

Flip side of a love song

2006-06-19T15:01:00.000-04:00

Tonight will be a gathering to watch the 7th game of the Stanley Cup finals. Next to Futbol (soccer for most of us) I find Hockey to be about the most boring thing in the world. A game where you cheer for things that almost happen doesn't hold a lot of weight for me. "Oooooh....did you see that goal he ALMOST scored?!?" is a bit ridiculous if you ask me. Other than really shiny trophies, I don't quite see the draw.

Of course, there are about three gazillion people in the world watching soccer right now. Apparently there is a tournament going on. It's called the World Cup. Look at the Trophy above....does anyone notice something? IT IS NOT A CUP!!!!!! Go figure. Actually, I recall the world cup as the thing that I passed on free tickets to in '94 because I didn't want to drive to Jersey from Queens. (How is that for an American?!?)

So what is it about things that almost happen that gets the world so enthralled? I can't figure it out. I suppose it is the same reason that movies about bells ringing and angels getting their wings were so popular throughout the years. Heck, Michael J. Fox made a small living off of movies about changing what happened into what could have happened. He then went on to Teen Wolf, but we can forgive him for that I think.

I think that I could learn to cheer for what should have happened. We all have things we regret. There are goals that we scored that we wished we hadn't, passes that were intercepted and juke moves that didn't quite...or worse yet sometimes...did work.

Do you think the players on a team ever look back and watch the game reels? Watching moves they made, even the dirty fouls and get upset at themselves? Like one half of the star-crossed lovers from a heartbreak chick flick, the one who did the hurting, and feel bad for the player they blatantly fouled or posterized? Their moment, another's tragedy? I think I might want to apologize if it were me. Especially if I were Mookie Wilson in the 1986 World Series.

It's the flip side. What could have been. It's the other side of the love song. One may hear it and rejoice, the other may hear it and cry over what could have been.

Sometimes all that can be done is say I am sorry for making you feel bad, or making you look bad. Sometimes, that's not enough.

Thank god it's only Soccer, the worlds most boring game. Not only is it boring, but it sucks. Seriously! It's been scientifically proven! Check out soccersucks.net for a full list of reason why.

Go Canes. Raleigh needs a Stanley Cup.

2006-06-04T07:05:00.000-04:00

Vacation was great.

"Pepper on that sir?"

2006-05-19T07:23:00.000-04:00

I went out to eat a while ago. When I got my meal, the waiter casked if I wanted pepper. I hadn't even tasted the stuff yet. In my mind I was thinking "I don't know yet". Problem wwas, I knew that if I did not say yes, the waited would quickly turn and abscond with the pepper mill, not to return until it was tome to ask me how everything was. That time usually comes once I am deep into my meal and long past pepper time.

Shouldn't the time for the pepper question be about 5-10 minutes into the meal? This way you can actually determine if you want pepper on your food. Just a thought.A least a few bites? How can I decide without tasting?!?! Seems ridiculous to me.

In other news, I couldn't find a picture of a waiter grinding pepper in an effort to make this post a little bit more fun. I searched google and found this. Interesting stuff. There are a lot of pepper mills out there.

Lastly, Wellindowd will be taking another brief hiatus while I take a well earned and much needed vacation. I will be back shortly. Take some time and go through a bit of the history of this site. You'll find a month by month listing of my life on blog over the last few years. Some funny, some sad and some just downright weird. Enjoy and please feel free to ask me questions/let me know qhat you thought.

Later Ya'll
Tom
Tar Heel of the Year

Weird Bikini Mojo!

2006-05-12T22:28:00.000-04:00

I am not sure what is going on right now, but I have some wierd bikini mojo going on. Yesterday, I had found the bikini model teacher while looking for a letter from Iran. Today, I decided to blog surf and found this! Coincidence? I don't think so. I am meant to go to an island. Maybe I will find me a beautiful woman and got to one next weekend.

Letters from Iran

2006-05-11T22:16:00.000-04:00

I have been jetting all over the place. Two trips to Texas, one to NYC, a bunch of visitors, repairing an old relationship and a festival planned, executed and a major sucess were the last few months of my life.

I guess I have been so busy living it up that I have not really thought about this blog. It's kinda like how I became a Jets fan. I had no girlfriend from 1991-1995. There were dates and hookups, but no relationships. So I watched Jets games, went to Jets games and read about the Jets. There was not even an internet porn-Jets Struggle, seeing as how there was no internet and I just could never get comfortable going to a local deli and buying a copy of Family Circle magazine to mask the fact that the 3 underneath were Juggs,Cheri and Black Tail.

My blog has been the Jets. I still love the Jets, and I still love my blog.

This post is going to be about how very little I actually tend to be aware of what is going on in the world. I stopped watching TV in early 2004. I have probably watched maybe 50 hours since the. Could be more, could be less. When I was in NYC I read the paper on the train on the way to work in the morning. I now drive to work. Never replaced that valuable method of getting information.

Sometimes you woould think that I lived under a rock. Seriously folks, ask me anything about the state of the world and I will have no clue what you are talking about. This is so weird for me, having been something of a political watcher in the past and being a card carrying hippie type at one point.

Over the last year I have looked at people funny and said "What are you talking about?" in the following situations.

Friend-"Tom, can you believe what Katrina did to those people in New Orleans?"
Tom-"Who is Katrina?"

Friend-"How stupid are those Duke Lacrosse players?"
Tom-"Really? Who did they play?"

Both of these situations really happened folks.

Big point is,while I was in NYC on Monday and Tuesday. I decided to get a paper and ride the train and I read it. So I start reading about the letter that the President of Iran wrote to Bush. Now, I read the article in the NY Daily News and thought it was poor reporting at best. I mean, they even sort of made fun of him mentioning Jesus and folling it with "he who is most high" or something that alluded to the holiness of Jesus, in this letter to our genius...I mean President. I decided that I needed to read the letter for myself.That way I could decide for myself if this was the rambling of a maniac, or a lucid letter by a man with a different opinion.

One thing I knew was that I could not be party to the bubble gum, five seconds of info, and more space devoted to the sex lives of movies stars and todays horoscopes than to matters of world security. I can't stand the fact that we are force fed all of this brainmuch garbage! The dumbing of America! Fuck that! I was going to read that shit for myself. Hell, anyone that dislikes Bush can't be all that bad. (The president...well you know what I meant)

I went to CNN.com deciding that I would have to be able to view a copy of the entire letter right there.

I couldn't find a copy right away. I still plan on reading the letter but then I found a thing about this high school teacher who posed for sexy lingerie photos which are on the internet. She is a member of the USA bikini team and damn is she hot!

I will get the letter tomorrow and give you my thoughts.

Hope Ya'll are well.

2006-04-06T00:27:00.000-04:00

I figured that I should post somthing just to say that I am alive...that and I felt bad that the last post was, while extremely funny, a racist song is not what I would want my swan song to be. I would at least post some waked out letter, tell you all how I was going to end it all bc life was too hard, or better yet, go on some mad ramble about how I want certain relationship things out of my little bittie life. Alas, no. Just a really boring post by the sexiest man alive. (That's right, I am dictating this to that guy right now) Sorry for the dearth of blogging. I have been busy, busy, busy.
Work, life, love. Good stuff!

Hope all is well out there, I will be back with some sort of big update soon.

Most offensive/funniest shit ever

2006-03-16T07:44:00.000-05:00

Be warned, if you have no sense of humor, you will not appreciate this at all.

Check it out, have your sound on

Then check out the video below it on hunting. Too much! Sometimes I cannot believe the kind of people that we have in this world.

You should check this out also. FUNNY AS FUCK. I am in tears over here!

EVERYONE IN THE WORLD......

2006-03-15T13:59:00.000-05:00

is in my extended network.

So I have found the biggest time wasting site on the face of the planet. Myspace.

It is basically all of your favorite time wasters rolled into one little bundle. Friendster, Music sites, Blogs, all rolled into one along with aneat feature that allows you to have less annoying versions of fowarded emails sent to you. If you want, you can also choose who is in your top 8. Sort of a popularity contest for those that are your friends.

I have also been fortunate enough to find one of my oldest friends in the world on Myspace and was able to talk to him on Christmas Eve for the first time in 15 years. It was great and made me love the site.

I suggest checking it out. Two annoying things though.

#1-Apparently everyone on myspace is in my extended network. Maybe if "Tom" the creator of myspace didn't add himself as everyone's friend when they first start, I wouldn't be connected to everyone. Bastard.

#2-An amzing amount of hot chicks send me friend requests and notes. It turns out that most of them are inviting me to check out their webcam pay sites. It makes me sad. Will some large breasted women with webcams and some professional looking modeling picswho are for real please be my friend?

Leave poor Barry alone!

2006-03-10T08:35:00.000-05:00

In secret grand jury testimony the following was revealed about Barry Bonds...

Barry has never once knowingly ingested any performance enhancing drugs while inderwater in the Antarctic
Mr. Bonds had expressed, beyond any doubt, that he never once took steroids while singing Sinatra tunes at his grandmothers house when he was doing one handed pushups
The fact that he once accidently shot his youngest child into the stratosphere by flexing his biceps had nothing to do with steroids...it could happen to any of us and he resents the insinuation
When his trainer was giving him pills and creams, he thought they were for hair loss. The whole mishap was a premptive bald strike.
Mr Bonds claims that his Hulk like body mass growth and the fact that he now glows neon like algae off the coast of Puerto Rico has nothing to do with steroids, but everything to do with being touched by the power of the lord.
He does not come from the planet Krypton, though he is planning on fighting for truth, justice and the american way...as soon as he shatters every basball record ever and makes 3 trillion dollars
Contrary to popular belief, Barry does not want kill all inteligent baseball fans to protect his secret

Lets all leave poor Barry alone already!

The lightbulb above my head.

2006-03-08T08:57:00.000-05:00

The trip to NYC was wonderful. Had a fantastic time. Saw friends that I hadn't seen in a long time, went to favorite bars and restaurants. A really fun, amazing time.

This trip opend my eyes to a lot of truths. It was like the lightbulb above my head was going off at an alarming rate and I was finally "getting it" in so many ways, on so many levels, about so many things. Good stuff. It was like all the questions that I have had were being answered.

With that said, I recommend you all checking out Jenn's lazy blog game "The person above me". Fun stuff.

I really do have respect of all things religious in spite of this post. I swear!

2006-03-02T22:23:00.000-05:00

As you all know I don't hold a lot of corporeal things sacred.If you didn't before, look at my banner again. I don't think there is much holy about paintings, or statues or the image of Jesus. In my mind, the Pope , Mother Teresa and the pews at St Matthias are up for targets of any joke you may think of. The punchlines to two of my all time favorite jokes involve Jesus complaining that he can't walk on water anymore because of the holes in his feet and a nun perplexed, exclaiming "Boy that's a hard one!"

With that said, I have no problem with anyone's relationship with their understanding of their higher power. God wants you to do service? Do it. Your giant red panda spirit guide tells you to be better to yourself? Start listening. If at the end of the day it makes you happy, by all means follow your spiritual calling to the ends of the earth.

Now, I do take offense at people driving planes into buildings blocks from where I work in the name of God. I have a problem with people who vote for a man who leads us into killing for money because their religious beliefs say that abortion is a sin and he claims to be what they call pro-life. How can one be pro life and order thousands to their unnecessary deaths? Religion can enliven us, and it can blind us.

My mom never liked my telling her that I had my own personal relationship with god. I don't necessarily subscibe to the man parting the clouds with his meaty omnipotent fingers to watch someone spilling the seed to a pornographic magazine in their house's bathroom kind of god. (and not that I ever did that...it's digusting) I sort of think of all of us, our energies mixing, our souls intertwining as god. God is the place where each of us affect each other and have the capacity to shine at our greatest, and excel both together and solo in ways otherwise not possible.

Mom did not dig my telling her "God wants me to stay home and watch the pregame show...the Jets really need this one!" . Or that god didn't care when I said God-dammit, or that I didn't have to kneel in church. I HATED kneeling in church! Always. I decided, shortly after my confirmation, that I was going to do what I want. Confirmation, for those of you who don't know, is a Catholic sacrament which is supposed to be you becoming an adult in the eyes of the church. My mom always said to me when I whined as a child about not going to church that I could quit once I was an adult in the church (boy I am sure that she hates even having said that to me now). I took her at her word and quit.

A catholic ceremony is about the most mind numbing exercise in the history of the world. To me at least. I remember only once or twice being even remotely interested. Though it did give me a lot of time to use my imagination. You would be amazed at what a young boy's imagination can do in a Faux-Gothic cathedral surrounded by images of dead (and sometimes dying) people.

One good thing I did get out of my young religious exploits was a good healthy dose of guilt. Ooooh Mama! Did I ever.

At the risk of my mother reading this I should add that I got a strong basis for moral living and good character. I also think the book of Job is really cool. It's like Trading Places meets Constantine.

Anyhow, what spurred this ramble on was the following

Check it out.

New York City here I come!

Okay everybody clear your minds! Don't think of anything!!!

2006-03-02T08:41:00.000-05:00

I saw this picture and all I could think was "Choose the form of the destroyer!"

One year

2006-02-28T10:14:00.000-05:00

Today is the day I began my life in Raleigh one year ago. Can't believe it. So much has happened. Year two is going to be even better. Quick one today, gotta get to work, just wanted to mark the date. I may post something of note later tonight.

A Twenty scores Twenty. sniff

2006-02-25T22:49:00.000-05:00

So last night, I am out at this bar across from the state capital (Neon, Non-Wood bar, no fat jolly bartender...but good crowd, poll and darts and women) and had a great time. So someone gets to telling me about this autistic kid up in Rochester, NY.

Kids name is Jason McElwain . A senior at Greece Athena High School, He loves basketball and is the manager of his high school team. Think "mascot". This kid was the way for the coach to feel like he was doing something right by the mentally challenged. Sort of like me and a few people I have dated.

For the last game of the season, the coach decides to suit up the kid. Hoping that the score of the game would allow him to put Jason in. He made Jason one of the "twenties". What , pray tell is a "twenty" you ask?

A Twenty is a kid who only plays if his team is up by twenty points, down by twenty points, or there are twenty seconds left in the game. I was never a twenty. I was a starter on my C.Y.O. (CA-THO-LIC Youth Organization for those of you who might be wondering. That should also explain a lot about me and my various dysfunctions) team and would get mad as hell when they played me off the bench. The fact that I got tossed out of games for roughness, foul language and cursing out referees and calling them blind, shouldn't have come into play. That is another story though.

Anyhow, so the Greek Athena team does indeed get up by twenty points and the coach, seeing his opportunity as the god of the mentally deficient, points a long finger at Jason and tells him to get his basketball, definitely basketball playing ass into the game.

The kid gets in and misses his first shot by about 5 feet. Total airball. They feed him the ball again and he bricks it off of the rim. Then! This little fucker! He hits 6 THREE-POINTERS IN A ROW!!!!! Oh, and one two pointer! 20 points!!!!! This kid was hot shit. He was a state championship waiting to happen. He was a basketball savant in a candy coated autism shell.

Anyhow, I am hearing this story at this booth in the bar and can't believe it. Too good to be true right? Went home after some dj-ing, dancing and bar conversations like "If you could have any super power, what would it be" (I contended that omnipotence and living forever, like the Highlander did not equate to a super power even if you were caught up in a struggle across time in an intercontinental sword fight to the death with a Queen soundtrack to your life.By the way, Don't Stop Me Now is an all time favorite that makes me think of Christa and me.) and didn't give this kid another thought till this morning.

I was thinking what a shame it was that this kid only got to play in one game for his team. Any kid who can hit six 3-pointers, surely would have gotten some nice playing time over the course of a season. It was then that it hit me. That little fuck probably shot his little self into a buttload of cash.

I smell a movie! This is waaaaay better than Rudy or Jerry McGuire ,which I always thought was stupid. For some reason the little kid in that movie, Zellwiger's kid, freaked me out. He was a demonic little man-child in my mind. Plus would Tom Cruise pleeeeeease just come out of the closet already? Come on Tom, I know you're reading. It's okay. We will love our gay-scientologist-mission impossible hero.

They should get Matt Damon to star. I know what you're thinking, and I agree. Affleck would have a much easier time looking, and acting, autistic. Sure, he may have a leg up, but it's just got to be Matt. LOOK AT THE RESEMBLANCE!
Surely this would work. They could even give him a love interest and lines like "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." This would work wonderfully for me. I am going to nominate Penny Lancaster to portray the love interest. This story would then have it all plus a really hot chick. At the end they could all raise up Matt on their shoulders and Mr. Oscar, and I don't mean The Grouch, in their back pocket.

So watch the video and get the Kleenex ready. That kid sure plays a mean b-all.

Bars

2006-02-24T14:47:00.000-05:00

I have spent some time in bars. They are places to go to in times of joy, in times of sorrow, and at times of reunion. I have too much experience probably. I know the etiquette up and down. I may not know how to fold a napkin, and still have to think about what to do at a revolving door with a lady (the answer is, men go first, only way you can essentially open the door for your date) but I know the bar etiquette up and down. Tip a dollar a drink. Don't be offended when the bartender cuts of a convo to go help a customer. If a friend buys the first round, you buy the next and never, ever keep track of who gets the last one and pays more for the night, it'll come back to you.

In thinking about NYC, a friend recommended a good bar. This got me thinking about what I tend to like in a place and what I don't. If you have any other thoughts, please ad them in the comments.

Perfect bar

Wood, not Formica or something else
Low lit at night (this helps the beer goggles tremendously)
NO NEON! Ugh! I hate any bar with Neon
Preferably no TV, and if there is one, a place you can go so you won't be staring at it.
Good music. That leaves a lot of room for interpretation. I am talking background noise, a place you can hear yourself think and hear your companions
Women. Not because I am on a hunt. Meeting a woman I don't want a meat market. Just not a sausage party.
Fat Bartender. I love me some portly tender for some reason.
No theme. I HATE theme bars. Just a place to drink and converse please
Pool Table. Pool is always a great bar distraction. Darts works well also.
No frat kids or guys with the same haircut and very similar Banana Republic button down shirts.
A place where everyone is comfortable. Warm and inviting.

So there you have it. A very short list. It's not a hard list of musts, but a list which makes perfection for me.

I'm thinking that three of those on the perfect list makes a place that I could go. I don't stick around long in places that I am not comfortable. There are other places that would be happy to beat on my liver.

Have a great weekend all.

Bump-bump-bumpa-bump

2006-02-22T09:05:00.000-05:00

Start spreadin' the news. Friday, March 3rd...NYC.

Going to go to a couple favorite places. So I will be calling a bunch of you to make plans or shoot me a note if you would like to get together.

So I am going to be in NYC almost a year to the day after I left. I can hardly believe it has be 365 already.

I want pizza, ethnic food and subways.

Just to change it up

2006-02-21T08:33:00.000-05:00

Figured I should finally get rid of my Valentines Day post. Here's a list of things I have done since Valentines Day

Started planning on a new website colaberation.
Went to a friends b-day party at 9:00 p.m.
Helped move the furniture out of the way at 12:30 a.m. to create a dance floor in the living room
Helped to move the furniture out of the way at 1:30 a.m. to create another dance floor in the den
Ended the party at 7 a.m. at a another friends house to watch a building implode
Watched some Olympics and wished that Ice Dancing was not considered a sport, though the female dancers themselves are really hot as a general rule.
Talked to a friend until the both of us were having trouble keeping the eyelids up.
Thought about purchasing some art.
Wrote a few songs
Discovered Pimento Cheese. My god! Where have you been all of my life?
Added some new links David & Kate

There you have it. I would also like to add that On St. Pattie's day, the piece that I posted as my Valentines Day video will be showing here in Raleigh as part of David's show with artist Mia Yoon, this time it will be the full piece though. Anyone who wants to come down is welcome.

On this day like any other

2006-02-13T23:58:00.000-05:00

(Updated:Just to let you know, I wrote the following because it didn't seem that I would have the video today. I have since recieved the video and am going to post it at the end of this post later today)

Well, unfortunately, I could not successfully upload the special Valentines day video in time for this morning. So those of you who, not completely disappointed in my dynamic display of technological ineptitude can continue to read on, the rest of you, Happy Valentines Day.........

Valentines Day. What does it mean? Apparently some fucker (St. Valentine) got killed for some shit and he was sending notes to someone. Big fucking deal. There is no holiday for a saint who shat often! St. Crapsalot Day!Believe you me, unlike love, that is satisfying EVERY TIME, except for after jalepeno laced burritos and Negro Modelo night at the Happy Taco Garden, in which case it might burn a little (also like love, to continue the analogy). I'm sure we singles could get Charmin to back this one if we put our minds to it. Hallmark is all about this letter writing fuckface cockburger who died in two hundred sixty nine A fucking D!

Maybe, as a single person I should go to a nice restaurant tomorrow. Get myself some flowers, a nice bottle of wine. You know? Really wine and dine me and turn on the charm. "What will you be having this evening sir?" my cheery not been kicked in the ass by life waitress will say. I will then look at my young, innocent 20-something waitress and say...

"I know what I'll be having with my bitterness, yeah.I bet you have dreams don't you? I had dreams at one time. They were wonderful and filled with buttercups and warm sunny days. That time was called my twenties, and those dreams? Dead! Dead as Mel Torme and the lady from Throw Mama From the Train. Oooooooh, I was twenty once. Now I know better. I'm thirty three. Life has kicked me in the balls more than once. Each and every time I feel like I am going to puke. Do you know what that tastes like? Your own vomit? It tastes like relationship. You wanna know what love tastes like? Why don't you go ahead and plunge your hand into my chest and rip out my heart Indiana Jones style? We'll get all these happy, let's look at each other like we are having dinner in a nice European restaurant, I am so in love on this day only when I am going to forget about all the shit you do that pisses me off and keeps me from really expressing any love for you the rest of the year mother fuckers to chant "Kali Ma!!!" while you take a big bite out of my heart like so many other people have in the past. If you are not prepared to go that far,then why don't you just STEP OFF CUPCAKE!!!"

"Oh, I would also like the Foi Gras, the Casolette with a bottle of the '01 cab and Creme Brule for dessert. Thanks"

I have decided that I am going to start promoting Fuck-you -fuckers day on February 13th. We could even have a fuck you fuckers picnic. We could have music. Love hurts, Love Stinks and What it Takes could be in heavy rotation. Since it will all be singles maybe we could get the drinks flowing early and the lights low later and all get busy. We could dirty dance. Real dirty dancing. Not run down the aisle and lift each other into the air ala' Jennifer Grey while Bill Meldley sings in the background. Maybe we will all walk out of there with a partner to love for a lifetime that evening.

Me? I won't be attending, but I will do the legwork. What is it that I want? Not just another piece. I don't think any of us just want another piece. Some of us fall into love like a drug. It's the best drug. The one that we would all smack a million veins for. We get off of our high, and then we crash, or we just try to find another supplier real quick once our regular source is gone. We wait a month, maybe two. Then we meet someone. We go out take the time and then voila, back on the superhighway to relationshipville, yet we have totally missed the most important thing. The relationship with ourselves. Plus, half of the love junkies still think about the old highs all the time.

I'm going to be home during any singles events, sitting maxin' relaxin all cool. Watching something on television like fucking pairs figure skating or some other non-sport.

Bottom line is. Fuck this day. It's like any other. Serves to hurt the people who deserve to be happiest and is a bullshit excuse for those in unhappy relationships to express love.

Those of you who have that moment, have that feeling of laying next to the person you love, I applaud you. Remember the smell of their skin, trace the lines of their body with your mind, feel the movement of their breath against you and embrace the moment. Do that every day. Give your lover a movie star kiss when you see them. Take a moment to find out, really find out, how their day was. Make a meal together and tell your lover a silly joke. Make them laugh. Run like children, be goofy, scream at the stars and sigh at the dawn and dance in the middle of the street like nobody else exists. Look into each others eyes and remove all of your walls all your fears. KNOW the person you are with and don't be afraid to tough it out. It is worth it.

For the rest of us there is Blockbuster, internet porn and old friend alcohol
(sweet, sweet let you forget all the problems alcohol), until we join the happy assholes right? Maybe not.

For years I have said the following. When you're in a relationship, you think "Man... if I was single I would be getting it all the time". When you are single you think "Man... if I were in a relationship, I'd be getting it all the time." Not that sex is any great barometer of love, I just think the analogy works this time for my needs.

Point is the grass is always greener. Mow your lawn on this day......just like any other.

And finally, here it is. A video message that all singles out there can appreciate for Valentines day. I dug deep for this one. Trying to tap in to the core of what love can feel like. I hope you like my voice....I really belted this one out.

Getting on track

2006-02-11T19:00:00.000-05:00

BE SURE TO CHECK BACK ON VALENTINES DAY FOR A VERY SPECIAL WELL-IN-DOWD VIDEO VALENTINES MESSAGE!

What is that I want out of life? At different times it's been different things. As a kid, I think I just wanted the kids at school to be nice to me. In middle school, I wanted comic books on Fridays and later on some music. Actually, I also recall wanting to not have to travel an hour to school on the bus. In High School, I wanted some girls to like me, and to be a rockstar. After that, I just wanted different things at all times. I suppose what I really meant by that initial question is "what do I want in my romantic life?".

For me, the two have been combined for ages. Relationship=life and happiness. Right now, I am looking at my first single guy Valentines day in years. I was never a big fan of the holiday. I truly believe that if you are doing things right, it is completely unnecessary. You shouldn't need a day for flowers. Hell, you shouldn't even need a reason for flowers. No flowers after the night of passion, certainly never after a fight or a fuck up (I would be broke if I had given my ex's flowers after fuck ups) and none on the special hallmark wrapped holidays that we are all supposed to get caught up in. Like to give flowers, gifts? Give them to your loved one. My personal rule is to give flowers/gifts when you can't remember the last time you did.

With that ramble complete, I am quite happy not to partake in the whole shebang this year. I am looking at me, a bottle of wine, my new book and my pussy repellent bat spray growing on my face. I don't need anyone and am actually glad that I am not in that position most days. Given the choices that I have had, how my major relationships ended, and what those endings have required of me, I am glad to be single.

Good god, if I were to rewind to years past, I definitely know that I am better off. It's not that those relationships, or the people I was in them with were bad. So many bad choices. Selfishness, fear, arrogance, deception, and self loathing have no place in a relationship that will hold any water. I still miss some of those people daily. Some on a monthly basis. Some, I find myself tortured with dreams over. Sometimes, I wake up with in the morning, noticing that I have shifted in the night from the middle to the right side of the bed, leaving the left open for my partner, and reach over only to realize that they are no longer there and never will be again. Some people in particular I have been really pining for lately. I have had to fight the urge to reach out more, to call and say what I really think.I have to beat that shit back into submission like Ali on Liston. It's me time, but I'll be damned if I don't miss those people like the world was ending during some moments.

Like they always say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I suppose that's true. I just wish that losing didn't suck such tremendous big donkey dick. I wish I could just release the doves I held in my hand and let them fly out of sight, only to exist as a memory furthermore. I have an aching tendancy to want to get into my truck and speed up to watch the dove's flight towards the horizon.

I tuned in and watched Rachel and Brian exchange wedding vows today. I'm very happy for Rae. She is a great friend. I am really happy that she and Brian (her beau) got hitched. I believe this is Rachel's 7th wedding. As they say...lucky 7. Just kidding. A little background...Rae and Brian were H.S. sweethearts and hadn't spoken in ten years (I may be wrong about that).Rae happened to be home sometime last year and picked up the phone at her mom's house and who was it? That's right, Brian.

Today, they were married.I would post a link to the wedding video (yeah, they arranged for it to be webcast, so all their friends and family could watch) but I thought that I should ask before I do so. In their case, loving and losing finally turned out a win for two people whom, I assume, never thought they would speak again.

Either way, it was wonderful. The pastor, or whatever he was, talked about the meaning of marriage and how important it is to give of yourself. Sigh. Got me all verklempt. At least it would have if I were not a man...we dont get emotional. I am like a Vulcan on thorazine. It's amazing.

So that is what got me thinking about relationships and what they are all about. I will be damned if I really know. I do know that I want a good one some day. Someone who I love and trust. Someone who gives themselves fully to me. Who I am unafraid to be myself around. Who is willing to forgive my failings as easily as I forgive theirs. Who won't abandon me when I need them most, but will become a rock for me to hold on to. Someone whose wit astounds me, whose laugh elates me and whose nose wrinkles just a little bit when they do it.

If anyone of you who happens to read this little online journal of mine happens to have this person next to you now...hold on to them, don't fuck it up. You will regret it and will deserve everything that comes your way. Don't fuck up. Hearts are precious. Work through the hurts, communicate, don't ever go to bed angry and don't get going when the going gets tough. Dig in. The ride won't be easy, but the end resultwill be wonderful.

So to all of you lovers out there, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

To the lovers seeking lovers, may you have a great Tuesday when it comes. That's all it is.

For everyone, may your days be filled with happiness, your heart full of joy,your life free of old patterns and may love be coming for you like a frieght train around the bend...try not to jump off the tracks.

Penny for my thoughts

2006-02-09T00:42:00.000-05:00

Reading the post about Geoffy and me made me think about another "Brush with fame" I once had.

This also took place at my once and former place of employment. I was working at this point in an office. My duties took me to one of the departments. A guy I worked with managed one of the departments and I went down to speak to him about something.

So I get down to the first floor and I am looking around for Harvey (the guy I was supposed to speak to) and I can't find him anywhere.I turn around and coming around the corner at was the woman below.......

Unfortunately she wasn't wearing the outfit above. She was wearing a skin tight whit mini dress. This was the only time in my young life that I have felt like I was living a beer commercial. This goddess of a woman (standing six foot tall at least in her heels, and smoking hot) was walking towards me. Looking right at me, come hither look in her eyes. I am pretty damn sure that "Dream Weaver" was playing somewhere in the background. If she had an icy cold St. Pauli girl in her hand at that moment, life would have been perfect.

While Penny (as I later found out to be her name) and I were sharing our moment, thinking about our life together, our kids and all of the heroic, acrobatic, mind bending earth shattering sex that we were going to be sharing shortly, I got jabbed in the ribs.

Like a mental patient on a thorazine high,I blankly looked to my left and down.It was Harvey. Short, rough on the eyes, straight to the point to a fault Harvey. The little bastard who was getting in the way of my moment with Penny said "She's not looking for you big guy." I'm guessing that he had noticed the deer in the headlights look that had on my face and the copious amount of drool accumulating at my feet.I said "wha......?" as I had been so rudely snapped out of my daze. He then said "she's with him......."

That's right. Rod! The Stew-man! Mr. Ifyouwantmybodyandyouthinkimsexy himself. Standing there right behind me....waiting to steal my woman! Not only was the dude standing there, but he was dressed like Rod Stewart. The pic above does not do justice to how he looked. I always figured that stars like to go sort of incognito to places. They don't want to be recognized. Claire Danes used to come in with sunglasses and a hat. Same with others. Not Rod. Dud is too cool for school. He was dressed in white leather cowboy boots, white leather pants, a big white rockstar puffy shirt, the hair spiked up and the "Rod Stewart" sunglasses on. Amazing.

I guess in conclusion, I really don't have to much to write about right now. I just thought that was a funny story. No lessons to be learned from Rod, no wise words that made me think. Just the fact that rockstars get really hot chicks. I wish Rod had something like that to me. "You know....we rock stars....we f#%k the world differently"

Later

Geoff and me

2006-02-07T00:41:00.000-05:00

I call him Geoff because we have met twice. He wouldn't remember.Geoffery Holder is one of the most amazing men I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. I have met him twice. Both times by virtue of the places I was working at the time.

First time, I was working at a place on Canal st. in lower Manahattan. I was doing a paper making demonstration on the steps of the place.

Paper making is a very easy process. I was using the Pour Method, which you can read more about here.

Most of you will remember Geoffy (we have met twice folks, I don't think I am out of line refering to him in the familiar) from his turn in the James Bond films, or from the movie "Annie" as well as being the "Crystal clean and no caffine" 7-up pitchman from the late seventies or early eighties.

Anywho, here I am making paper and I hear this wonderful, deep, commanding voice say "That is very good...." . I started on my sales pitch and turned and then noticed who it was on the other side of that wonderful voice.

Geoffrey is an imposing man. Stands at least 6'7". Anyone who I need to look up to is fucking freakishly tall. I said "Hey, you're that guy!" or something equally stupid. We talked for a bit and I think he may have purchased one of Arnold's wonderful papermaking kits.

Fast forward a few years. (This is the real story behind this post and I swear it will not translate to blogish that well. YOU MUST HEAR GEOFF"S VOICE IN YOUR HEAS AS YOU READ THIS) I was working at a place in Soho. I was standing on the steps of the apartment building next door and who hobbles up, cane supporting his massive frame, but Punjab himself.

He looks at me and says "Hello" I said "Hello Mr. Holder". He jerked his head back inquisitivley and says "Have we met before?" I said "Once, I was making paper on the steps of the place I used to work. You bought a kit" He sort of nodded his head and asked "Are you an artist?" I thought about it for a second. At the time I was not doing any artwork of any type. I looked him in the eye and said "Yes. Yes I am" (Cause like it or not folks, I am) . He replied, in the coolest fucking way possible, with that wonderful intonation. "Gooooood. Gooood. Don't ever stop working. We artists......we see the world differently" When he said the "we artists" part, he raised his massive hand to his temple and flitted his fingers up into the air while explaining that we saw things different. I was in awe! Just cool!

Here's a toast to all of you who see things differently. Who have always felt different. Who have always felt out of place in a room ful of scientists. Who are true artists, no matter what you do for a living.

Magnetic North

2006-02-06T12:56:00.000-05:00

I was thinking about you today.
Wondering what the moment was.
Where was it?
When was it?
Could things have happened differently?

I am sure that they could have some days.
Other days I think it was unavoidable,
that our future was set from the beginning.

I have a few regrets in this life.
You are not one of them, never will be.

I want to talk, spill my true feelings,
lay them on the floor like so many CD's in my collection,
let you help me pick a new song.

I always have had a hard time picking,
finding any path to walk.
I thought you were a wonderful direction.

I'm becoming my own magnetic north now,
but my compass is yearning for the old days,
smiles
laughter
ease
calm
grounding

I was thinking about you today.
I hope this direction is true.

Robin, hand me the pussy repellent Bat-spray!

2006-02-05T22:45:00.000-05:00

Congrats to Mr. Big-chin Bill Cowher and his Super Bowl Champion Pittsburgh Steelers. Ten Years ago I was living in the 'burgh when the team went to the bowl. Pretty cool to see them win tonight. Let me tell you, it is a great night in Steel town. Ten years ago when the Steelers lost, that town was ridiculously upset. There was not a happy face in the town the next day.Pretty awful shit.

Me, I am still waiting to win my championship. Unfortunately, my team is in a rebuilding phase. Need a lot of things to fall into place before I can lift the trophy. I'm not so much talking about the Jets, who suck, and football here, but about my life and myself.

If you had only asked me in the fall what it took to make me happy, what I wanted, who I wanted those things with, I would have been able to tell you with little hesitation. X.Y.Z. there you have it. Nuff Said.

Now, I am not so sure. I am pretty sure that I have spent the last couple months floundering through the swimming pool full of pudding that has been my life. Not only that, but my answer in the fall would have been dead wrong.

I have been down. Nothing new...I've been down before.I know it never lasts with me. Every time I get down, life has a way of placing something new under my nose to keep me from being there too long. Hell, I haven't spent a real week without the prospect of love and affection in two plus years and then another 8 years before that. That doesn't make things good though.

What is it about me, women and relationships that gets me to this point? I get outstanding offers with pretty good regularity as far as the opposite sex is concerned. For the first time in my life I am totally not interested. Well...not totally. I am a guy.The urge is still there. Just the need is not.

With that said, I have decided to grow a beard. I am sure this will act like Pussy repellent Bat-Spray which Adam West would have used on Eartha Kitt.

Now many of you might say "Tom, you don't need to grow a beard, just be yourself, that is pussy repellent enough." NAY I say! I am going to grow a beard, live like a hermit and have Lynch paint me as a pharaoh with a feather for a penis. This is actually happening folks. If it were anyone but Lynch, and you would understand if you met him, painting it, I would be offended. Lynch actually put it as "An arrogant pharaoh with a feather for a penis". Lynch is the litmus. Can you hang? He could be thirty, could be ninety, could be homelss, but he's not. He's Lynch.

In other artistic endeavors, I have been writing a whole hell of a lot. Mainly songs for a CD I am hoping to record this year. Been trying to write one complete song per week. Being that I have a whole lot of pain to tap into, and that nothing gets me writing like heartache and unrequited love, it's been going very well.

Lastly, I am now art. My friend David is an incredible video artist. He directed and edited the television commercials I was in late last year. He invited me to take part in a piece that he is creating called "Danger Music". It's a tribute to Dick Higgins. The piece that I am in is called "Danger Music #2". Rae has a chance to go see this piece , as it is currently showing in Nebraska (whose motto I believe is "More popular, with more happening, than Wyoming") at the Bemis Gallery. The piece got a cool write up here. It is intense and will be showing in it entirety in NC next month.I invite everyone to visit Rachel's Blog, wish her congratulations on her pending nuptials and tell her to go see the show.

With that said, I am going to try to use my new digital camera to record my beard progress.Be warned though, I usual get about aweek into this process when I hate the beard and shave it off. Have a great day all! I have Monday off!

If I'm really comfortable with you, you get one.

2006-02-02T23:58:00.000-05:00

Li-Li, Joey, Nic, Dave, Pig, Johnny, Kel, Ladybug, Kel (one guy Kel, one girl Kel), Stewie, Bobert, Dougie, Krissy (two of them, both women) , Gee, Jeffy(gotta call him), Mikey, Yoadrienne, Shantelawitz, Smiley,Avril,Meggers, Jay.

What are those? Those are the names of my close friends and people whom I am comfortable with. It's something that I do. If I like you. REALLY like you. You get a pet name. I do this with everyone I care about and everyone that I love.

The list of people whom have gotten names from me could go on for a while. There is not one person who I have cared about in my adult life that has not recieved a nickname from me.

I don't know if I have a real point here. Just food for thought.

People call me Tom, or Tommy. For the record, the only cool nickname I ever had was Rhino. I always wanted a cooler one. M.I.A. came close, but that was one my friends used briefly because of my penchant for dissapearing all the time.

Okay, point. I love big and become intimate with the important people in my life. Someone once said to me that they loved that. The fact that I did that without thinking and that I nicknamed them in a way that few had. I don't know if it is good, or bad, it just is. I want to give more people nicknames and want less people to give them back.

The in Crowd

2006-01-30T11:13:00.000-05:00

Bored, at home recovering from what was a VERY wonderful weekend, I decided to ego-search my name on Google images . Now, many of you may not be aware of this, but I share my first name with a famous record producer. Did a lot of Areha Franklins albums and what not.

So when typed in my name and the images came up, there were 19 pics ot the famous recoprd producer and one picture of another guy I share my name with. My dad. Weird. The only problem? They somehow managed to mistype his name into the article about him. Tom Crowd, community activist.

My favorite part of the article was the description

"With thick glasses and a vibrant mane of red hair, Dowd has an unmistakable presence."

His new glasses are much cooler. If you feel like checking it out, you can read the bio of Tom Crowd here. If the way they color him as a conspiracy theorist is true, then we must all assume that the Ancient Aliens, in league with the Mafia,the Illuminati (He does live near a masonic temple) and some deep cover rogue commando unit, made sure his name was spelled wrong in this small local paper so his message could not be heard. Fuckers!

I have to admit it's getting better

2006-01-26T19:55:00.000-05:00

Well folks, it's been one year since I first stepped foot in NC. Had no idea I would actually make a life here. Funny how that works out.

I came down here a year ago with the intention of getting a free trip to NC and doing right by my mentor. He asked me to interview and that was why I came. I tried as s I could to make this whole thing a no go.I figured that I would ask for the world and get rejected. Go back to my simple life.Live in the same town. Go out to the same places. Wrap myself in the security blanket of what I knew.

We all know how that worked out. Damn if my first days, and months here weren't some of the most difficult of my life.

Now though? I look back and KNOW that this was the best thing I have ever done for myself.

For some strange reason, my life has taken me to places I thought I would never be. Good things are happening at a frighteningly alarming rate. My mind is having a hard time keeping up with it all.

These last weeks have been the best period of good fortune that I have ever had! Go fucking figure. Now, I just need to get used to the idea of being happy. That is actually difficult for me. How strange is that?

I wanted more and I got it. Now what do I do?

One last note...I am a sucker for flattery and it will get you everywhere with me. For godsake, we are talking about me...the guy whose head is pasted onto The Creation of Adam just at the top of this page.Just a thought.

Peace out M-fers
More letters soon if you liked them.

Happy fucking weekend!

2006-01-20T08:55:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was maybe the greatest day in the history of mankind. At very least it was surely top ten all time in the history of Tomkind. Good things do happen. I hope each and every one of you have a fantastic fucking weekend.

Right to the source

2006-01-19T00:31:00.000-05:00

This is a copy of a letter I wrote to Island Records.Enjoy!

Dear Islander,
Get it? Islander? Hahaha. I just thought it might be a good way to break the ice with a joke. Figured I would get ya laughing!
So I don't know if Def Leppard had made this public knowledge withing the record company, but I invited them to play at my birthday party in October.
Problem is, I haven't yet heard back from them so it's becoming difficult to make the necessary plans.
For instance, I am at a loss for what kind of chips to get for them. Do they even know what a chip is!?!?!They probably think that it's French Fries, or Freedom Fries (are we still holding that grudge?), what they use in Fish and Chips. So you see my dilemma.
I am expecting AT LEAST fifteen people at this party. That number could more than double if my friends from the north (that's right, the north. It's a long convoluted story full of broken hearts, lots of parties and a bar called Toad Hall. The Reader's Digest condensed books version is that I live in North Carolina now.) come down.
So hear's what I was hoping. Could you please forward this to Def Leppard so we can start making plans?
I need to at least get a copy of their tour rider so I can make sure we take care of any Van-Halen-wanting-no-green-M&M's-in -the-dressing-room like requests. For instance, I could probably recruit my friends Doug and Lynch to shuck oysters for them if that was what they wanted.
On the D.L., between you and me, I am starting to wonder about their commitment to my birthday party. I was scoping out your list of bands on Island Records, the best record label of all time, and saw some people who might be interested.
Imagine my suprise when I noticed that Bon Jovi was among your stable of artists! I'm thinking that they would be great at the party also. They are pretty good and I am thinking that most of my friends will be familiar with their material also. I would ask that they don't play "I'll be There for You", but that is by no means a deal breaker.
Any artist would do. I saw that Bob Marley and Elvis Costello are in your lineup. Eitehr one of them would be great!Jason loves Bob Marley's stuff and does a pretty mean rendition of "No Woman No Cry".
Just don't send The Rocket Summer. He looks a little too Clay Aiken-ish for my taste and I think he would freak people out. It's a party for godsake.
Please don't let Def Lepard know that we discussed this. I don't want to hurt their feelings. I think we all know the tragedy that band has seen. I think we can all agree that we don't want to cause them any more pain.

Love hurts baby.
Love....hurts.
Later Gator,

Later Gator,
Tom

A letter to that kicker for the Colts

2006-01-18T14:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Mr. Vanderjagt,
Firstly, I want to congratulate you on being the most accurate kicker in NFL history. That is a great accomplishment that can never be taken away from you, unless of course you miss lots of kicks before you retire.

Secondly, I wanted to let you know that this is not a hate mail letter, like the many which I assume you have been receiving.

I hope you are not too down on yourself recently. Remember, a game is never lost on one play. If I were you, whenever you were asked about the game, I would say "Why don't you talk to Manning! He choked to!" This would engender a feeling of teamwork with your teamates!
Heck, if Jerome "The Bus" Bettis doesn't fumble the ball, you don't even have a shot at sending the game to overtime.

I think there are a few things to remember here. Your last name is not (thankfully) Norwood. That dude missed a chip shot to WIN the SuperBowl! Your gaff doesn't even come close. You guys didn't even sniff the Super Bowl.

I think the fact that your name is almost unpronounceable to most people will be in your favor.
Imagine, if you will, you, at a bar, not letting on who you are, and people start talking about all time great sports blunders. Norwood will come up, as will Buckner (Bill, first baseman for the Red Sox in 1986). You might even come up, but people will say "That kicker for the Colts" not your name, because they won't be able to pronounce it. Always look on the bright side my friend!

I would also ask you to consider the fact that you have actually done a great service to the world.
Really! Feel good about yourself! All this week, people are going to say, when things are bad, "Yeah, but it could be worse....I could be that kicker for the Colts". You're a hero when you look at it that way!
I took the liberty of reading your bio on Colts.com. I saw that you live in Canada, eh! Did you move this week, or have you been there for a while? Either way, I say, good for you! They are so concerned with Hockey up there that you are going to be waaaaay under the radar.
If all of that doesn't work, you could always change your name. I think Buddy Vanderjagt would be a dope name for a kicker. Or howabout "Boots" or "Footsie". Those are really more nicknames, but I think that using one of those would show a playful side which will no doubt help you slice through the boos at the RCA dome which you will no doubt recieve next year.

Will you still be on the team?

If you are still feeling bad in October, you should come to my birthday party. It looks like Def Leppard will be playing live.
Do you like Def Leppard? I always liked the joke "What has nine arms and sucks?" Haha! Get it?
Well, if you do like them, they will be playing. You are welcome to come on down. Maybe you guys will be playing in Charlotte at that time.
We're talking mid-October even though my birthday is at the beginning of the month. I am going to buy some chips, so the sooner you R.S.V.P. the better. If you like, for instance,Original Doritos, let me know and I will get them. I've long been a Cool Ranch man myself.

Would you please also send me a signed 8x10? If you could sign it "To my pal Tom" I would
appreciate it.

Later Buddy!
Tom

Choose the form of the DESTROYER!!!!!!!!

2006-01-16T12:56:00.000-05:00

Answering a few questions

2006-01-12T08:54:00.000-05:00

Yes everyone. I have been sending out the letters below. I have a few more in the works which will be posted in the coming days/weeks. I haven't had responses yet, but I am going to continue. Thanks for the props K, and thanks to the rest of you who have been checking this out. It's my fun little endeavour for 2006. The year of ridiculous. (say it, it rhymes)

If you like what you read leave me a comment, let me know what you think.

Later Y'all

When you make love, do you look in the mirror

2006-01-06T21:09:00.000-05:00

Hey all. Looks like '06 is shaping up nice like for your favorite transplant. My place is going to be the spot to be in October for the jamiest jammy jam in Oakwood's history. Have a great weekend.

A letter to Def Leppard

Dear Leppardites,
Hello, my name is Tom (though some like to call me Tar Heel of the Year) and I live in North Carolina. I was compelled to write because of the holiday season that I had this year. It was a bit strange to tell the truth. This was the first holiday that I spent away from all friends and family in many years. I am sure right now you are reading this thinking "Man Tom. That sucks, but I hear ya bro!" (Do they use the term bro in England? It's pretty common here across the pond...it's short for brother). I am also rather positive that you also know that now matter where you are in the world, if you have the power of rock in your heart, you are never really alone!
Anyhow, I was sure that you would like to know that my friend Erich gave me a copy of your magnum opus, Hysteria, for Christmas. I would be happy to provide you with her mailing address if you would like to thank her personally. This letter is not about her though, it's about you and me. Actually I do have one question that still pertains to Hysteria. I have been wondering for years...Just what is a Satellite of love?
I noticed on your website that you will be playing the Raleigh NC area in October of this year. "What a coincidence" I thought (as you will no doubt be thinking in just a moment). My birthday also happens to be in October. I therefore and going to extend to you a truly fantastic opportunity, an olive branch as it were, to come to my apartment and play at my birthday party. I figure that timing is of the essence, so I will gladly push back my birthday party (My birthday is Oct. 2nd) till mid month when you are in North Carolina. You guys are welcome to crash at my place, as long as you don't go "Rock Star!" in my apartment. Haha. Just kidding. I am a big enough fan to know that Def Lep is high on life and not destruction. If I recall correctly, you are all very big "Football" fans, though we could not play this in my apartment, we could probably arrange for a pick up game at a local park. If worst comes to worst we could just watch some on TV. We're not big on what we call soccer here in the colonies, but we have enough other sports to keep us occupied. My buddy Jason likes golf. I don't really understand why, but I don't hold it against him at all. I can't play that game, it frustrates me. I figure that is not a problem. I just don't play...except for the occasional round of miniature golf. Which is to golf what an E.P. is to an album. Did you guys ever record an E.P. ? I don't recall. I think they are kind of a cop-out. Def Leppard would never cop-out. If I am mistaken and you did record one, I apologize if you were offended. I'm sure your E.P. was Gunter, glieben, glauchen, globen, great!
About the party though, I am figuring that logistically, of course, we would have to set you up in the middle of my living room. I almost didn't write this letter when I thought of that. Thank god that "Pour some Sugar on Me" video was on MTV seemingly every other second in 1987 and 88. I remembered "This is Def Lep!" you guys played in the round! Man would this be so old school! It might be fun if we all dressed up old school style too! Whatdya think? Joe Elliot, who is waaaaay boss for having two first names, could wear those old ripped jeans of his. I think I have an old rock t-shirt to wear, I still have a G-n-R tee from back in the day. I could wear that or, if you would prefer, I would wear a Def Leppard shirt. You'd have to send me one though seeing as how I don't have one right now. I don't want you to think, even for a moment, that I won't show solidarity in the metal with you Did I mention that the News and Observer, a local newspaper much like the London Times, is about to announce me as their Tar Heel of the Year 2006?. So...WE BOTH WIN!.I will have you playing an intimate show at my birthday party and you will get to say that you have played for the Tar Heel of the Year. T.H.O.T.Y. is a very prestigious title here. I think they give you a prize. We're still ironing out the details of when I will accept this award. I'll keep you posted of course.
So check it, I need to go to my friend Keri's birthday party. Let me know if you guys are going to need to crash at my place after the party. Whew! My head is spinning just thinking about all of the planning we have to do! I'm going to have to buy some chips and soda. What kind of soda do you like? If you get a chance, send me a picture. I'll put it on my wall.

Yours in Rock,
Tom
T.H.O.T.Y.

Three thousand!

2006-01-05T19:28:00.000-05:00

I logged on to my site and scrolled down to the bottom and saw that I was the three thousandth and first person to view my blog. I was a bit happy that I am not the only one who has been looking (it would have made 3001 much harder to attain), I am even happier that I was not number 3000. It would have been too much like the door prizes at the Boy Scout Flea market back when I was a kid. All of the scouts families would invariably win the door prizes after having spent the day stuffing their raffle tickets into the supper secret brown paper bags...no independent auditor there. Dave, Kel, Niel and Mike would remember that.

Point is, I would have been disappointed if I had been the 3000th customer here. I checked the sitemeter and it seems that my three thousandth visitor was in Knoxville, Tennessee. I am not even sure where Knoxville is. Much less, who I would know there. I implore you o' mighty Knoxvilladite, reveal yourself. I would like to present you with a fantastic WellinDowd NO PRIZE! Click on comments and tell me who you are.

More letters are forthcoming (I have been busy writing, but too busy earning a living to post and enjoying the hell out of my job...how the hell did that happen?!?). Stay tuned. Jenn...I will let you know about the T-shirts and where you can write to for my Tar Heel of the Year campaign.

In the meantime, check out this link to a site about your hero and mine,

Chuck Norris

Tom Dowd...Tar Heel of the Year

2006-01-04T09:17:00.000-05:00

Hello all. Here is a letter I wrote to the News and Obeserver, Raleigh's local paper.They announce a Tar Heel of the Year every year. I decided that this year it will be me. Enjoy!

A Letter to the News and Obeserver

To Whom it May concern,
Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Tom Dowd, former New Yorker, Manager of a store,
loyal friend, joy spreader, proud fish tank owner, and your next Tar Heel Of the Year...that's right, Tar Heel of
the Year.
I was reading your paper a few weeks ago, which is something I rarely do, not because I have found anything
disagreeable about your fine tabloid, but more because I don't have time to read the newspaper, except on
Sundays once in a while when I go to brunch with my friends at Humble Pie. If you have not been to Humble Pie,
I do recommend a visit (this can certainly happen before the presentation of my Tar Heel of the Year award)
they have a wonderful brunch. I highly endorse the Shrimp and Grits. They refer to it on the menu as
"The Broth of the Gods", which to me says "Gotta eat this". Good stuff! Back in NYC I was able to read the
paper on the way to work on the cattle car (affectionately known as the NYC subway
system). Having become the responsible Tar Heel I have, I no longer read the paper on the way to work. After
one close call during my first week here, I decided that I should watch the road each and every time I get behind
the wheel of a car. As much as I love reading the morning news (yours, if I am not violating the laws of proper
decorom in saying so, being one of the finest excercises in print journalism in this great country of ours), I believe you would agree with me when I say
that one should not read the paper while driving. I care for the safety of all Tar Heels! Go Pack! Let's not forget
and UNC, and Duke. We Tar Heels of the Year shouldn't show favoritism. It's Just that my friend Doug
will be upset when he reads this letter in the paper if I had written "Go UNC!" first. He is a big fan of the Pack.
In fact,he was very upset with me a few weeks ago when I showed I was impressed with some of Alabama's play during a
game.I want you to know ahead of time that I would like to see all North Carolina schools excel. To "represent" as it were,
as spoken in the language of the people.I have even sat next to Herb Sendick on a flight to Philadelphia. (I was
going to a friends wedding. Don't worry though.I am
sure that Herb was going on a recruiting trip, not interveiwing for the Temple job. Though I couldn't blame
Temple for interviewing such a fine example of pasty-pale coaching accumen. Have you seen some of the stuff
in the papers that their coach has done?!? (Only joking! Of course you have! YOU ARE the paper!(wink-wink)

I digress however. I find that I do enjoy reading your paper whenever I have the chance. I grew up in NYC
where we had the NY Post. You want to talk about crap! That was a ridiculous paper. Rich Cimini's column
about the NY Jets was okay though. I am sure that if you needed a new sports writer that Mr. Cimini would
consider a change right now. Can you imagine how unbearable that poor guy's year was? Ugh! Possibly once
I am Tar Heel of the Year, we can work together to save some of the Jets beat writers. Of course, in my time
has Tar Heel of the Year, I would certainly be willing to broaden my world view. There are plenty of terrible NFL
teams out there who have beat writer's who I am sure are that much better than Mr. Cimini.
I apologize for being all over the place here. As you can see, I am very enthusiatic about being T.H.O.T.Y.
(in fact, I might be willing to change my name from Tom, to Thoty, when I am awarded this prestigious title.
I think that would certainly illustrate my dedication and inspire others to action! Hopefully, they would not be
inspired to change their names to Thoty, as that would defeat the purpose. Were this the case, I would be apt
to change my name back to Tom, or if you think it's a good idea, I could then change it to No-thoty (Get it?!?
N(ews &)O(bserver)thoty! I'm not sold on that one. For some reason No-thoty, sounds a little too "street" for
me. What do you think?)This is well down the road I am sure. I wouldn't expect anyone to be compelled
to change their name to Thoty until after we make the announcement about my reign.
I was very impressed with the story on Martin Eakes. He seems a fine gentleman and will, no doubt,
be a fine former T.H.O.T.Y. I look forward to working with him in harmony. To your knowledge, do the
former Tar Heel of The Year's work together on projects? Much the way that the former living presidents
sometimes do? We can certainly plan for some "presidential" like photo ops. You know which ones I mean when you
would see Clinton, Bush, Carter, and Ford all together smiling. I always felt it a shame that Reagan could never
partake in these pictures. At first I thought it was because the former Presidents were mostly Democrats, or
that it was because Reagan tried to have Ketchup declared a vegetable for school lunches. Turns out , that was
not the case (the partisanship or the veggie faux-pas) .
In conclusion, I look foward to working with yourself and your crack reporting staff as T.H.O.T.Y. 2006.
Like Ebony and Ivory, I am sure we will work together in perfect harmony. (I do not play the piano. I have a
freind that attended the Peabody institute in MD. though.)I'm sure this endevour will be a rewarding one for both
of us.
Please let me know when and where I should come pick up my award. I will Yahoo me
up some directions to get there. It would also be helpful if we could schedule the pick up for a Sunday or a
Monday. These are the days that will be easiest for me. Or course I can shift my shcedule as needed. We
"Heels" need to work together!

Sincerely,
Your Next Tar Heel of the YEar,
XOXO (hugs and kisses, in a respectful, platonic, freindly manner)

Tom

P.S. Please do not print my full name and email address in the paper in your excitement of finding
your next T.H.O.T.Y. I would prefer to stay a bit anonymous until we hold our press conference.

Happy New Year everybody!

2005-12-31T18:48:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone! I am semi back in business here. Been really busy, like most of you I imagine, with the holidays.

WHat has your favorite, flighty, man of fancy (not fancy man), fantastic, future tar heel of the year been up to? Quite a bit, but since I am getting ready for a New Years party here at the Dowd pad, an update will have to wait.

I took up a new hobby. My friend Erica bought me the nicest housewarming present. A Siamese fighting fish (or Betta for short) I have named Sebastian. I really have gotten swept up in this. I had an aquarium as a kid and now I have one again.In the pic you can see Sebastian in the top left corner of the 20 gallon tank I purchased. Too much tank for one little fish. I have since added some more fish, plants etc. The following is a letter I wrote to Petsmart after a bad experience there last week while trying to fill that friggin tank. Enjoy!

and Happy New Year!

A Letter to Petsmart

Hello there oh Petsmartariffic complaint collector. I address you that way because I would like to registera complaint about the service I received at your Petsmart store on Millbrook Rd on Dec. 28th.

Please forgive me if I am writing to the wrong party here. I was given choices when entering my info.Where it asked "Reason for this Email" I saw only three choices.

1-Tell us what we did well
2-Tell us what we can improve upon
3-General store questions

I debated for a few moments as to which choice I wanted to submit this letter under. For this particular letter,choice one was out of the question. I was not happy upon leaving your store and did not want to issue a letter saying that you did some things well, and muddy up my message.

I decided that while some of my thoughts are going to fall under category three...the vast majority will fall under category two. I had to translate part two in my head. I decided that this was your positive way of saying "Complain to us" or " Tell us why you are thinking that your money may be best spent elsewhere". If I was incorrect, and your choice of "Tell us what made your visit to our Petsmart store unbearable" I apologize, wish you a nice day, and ask that you forward this email on to the appropriate complaint register-er guy (or gal).

On to my issue. I am a new aquarist. Or would that be aquariumnist? Tank-haver? Either way, I bought a fish tank after a friend of mine bought me a Betta fish for my housewarming party. It was a fun party and all seemed to have a good time.Sadly none of my friends from the north could attend. They don't get out much and it was a bad time of the year, holiday's and all.

I am a bit embarrassed to admit, that I only had one fish when I bought my new fish tank at Fish World. If you are not familiar with fish world, they are a local competitor of yours for aquarium fish and aquarium like supplies and stuff. They were extremely helpful. They even carried my new 30 gallon tank to my car for me. Excellent service.

I had to return the 30 gallon tank as it was a bit too much tank for my intended use. You see... I have this space in the wall in my bedroom which I was going to put the tank.I thought it would be so "pimp" to have a fish tank in my bedroom when I brought my "bitches" back to my swinging pad. Of course for this to have the intended effect one must have a stable of "bitches", which I do not but surely covet. Please note here that if you are a woman, I don't usually refer to women as bitches...well okay one or two over a number of years, but that is between me and my licensed therapist right?.I just thought that using that term would help to illustrate the pimped out sex den that I had in mind.

Fish World took it back, no problem. Gave me a full refund and helped me pick out an appropriate tank for me. I tend to try to do everything big. It's a problem. I am working on it though.

So fast forward to me going to Petsmart to buy more fish. I had gone to fish world on Tuesday. They were closed on Tuesdays! Can you believe that?!? It was kind of funny though. Their sign said "Gone Fishin'" instead of just "Closed" I decided, being the impatient person I am, to go to Petsmart to fill my Jones for new fish. I had the idea in my head and I wanted to execute it right away.

At Petsmart, a young African American gentleman helped me to pick out some fish. I purchased some Tetras, some other Tetras (Which my friend David suggested I get because they look weird.) and finally a shark. The young man (and is it bad and does it say something negative about this great nation of ours that I described him by his ethnicity?) warned me that I should stick to some other fish. I needed to have the shark! It was black with a red tail and looked bad ass!

So I get the Tetra's home and put them in the tank, along with the shark (know henceforth as Assholio). Well wouldn't you know it, Assholio, it turns out, is of a hyper aggressive species who doesn't mix well with other community fish. My bad! Oops. I noticed that all of my fish were hiding from Assholio. or cowering in little bunches waiting in fear like a family in Compton awaiting his next drive by (or should that be swim by?). Either way, I knew Assholio had to go. For the good of the community. Sort of like what Spock said at the end of Star Trek 2-The Wrath of Khan "The good of the many outweighs the needs of the few or the one" So
I caught him and brought him back to Petsmart two days later.

When I walked in on my lunch hour, with Assholio in tow, I went right to the fish area. I was greeted by a sales associate who asked if I needed help. I consider myself something of a retail connoisseur, the greeting impressed me. From there though...all downhill.

The woman asked me why I was returning the fish. I told her that Assholio was too aggresive.Her next question was "Didn't you know that?"I was really offended. Of course I knew that! Well at least that it was not recommended that I purchase from what I will refer to as the "big boy" tanks. If my initial shopping experience had been Thanksgiving dinner, it was suggested that I sit at the kids table. Don't we all want to grow up too soon though? In coming back, I didn't want a lesson in being too big for my britches, I only wanted to banish Assholio back from whence he came.

Then she informed me that I "Should have read the tag on the tank. DUH! Thank you Petsmartateer (is that what you guys call them? If not, you might consider that)Secondly, I AM A GUY! (and an arrogant one at times ask any of my ex's)How many men do you know of that will actually read directions?!? (This is doubly true for arrogant ones) Hell we have a hard time asking for them when lost. This fish was obviously purchased by the testosterone coursing through my veins. Not by someone making a rational decision.

After I produced my receipt, I was given a full refund. I promptly bought some more fish and some plants. I think however, the customer service that I received was at best mediocre and at least rude.

I was happy to see, that the fine folks at fish world had sent me, when I got home, a handwritten thank you note for my initial purchase (with a 10% off coupon) and in addition, sent me a 20% off coupon via email! I know where my next purchase will be made.

I would like to, in conclusion, let you know of one way I think that you can improve. Find out the names of the female sales associate (older, short blond hair with a puss on her face and a poor bedside manner) and send her to get a job at Fish World. This will have a double effect. Improving the customer service possibilities at Petsmart,and ensuring that those, like myself who are planning to returning to Fish World, will be so turned off by her attitude, that they will return to your fold.

Thanks,

Tom

Found a lost dog tonight

2005-12-22T21:51:00.000-05:00

I found a new website and have spoken to two old friends that I haven't spoken to in over ten years! Found four more! Amazing.Had a phone call with one this evening.

The funny thing about friends is that no matter what amount of time has past, it seems like only a moment ago you were setting up your equipment in the North Flushing swim club for your first gig, or wrecking your parents homes together, or tape recording your most guliible friend, unbeknownst to them, while they are in conversation with a southern transplant woman of ill repute.

Missed ya Andy. Good to hear your voice tonight.

Commonalities

2005-12-21T23:46:00.000-05:00

com·mon·al·i·ty ( P ) Pronunciation Key (km-nl-t)
n. pl. com·mon·al·i·ties

1. The possession, along with another or others, of a certain attribute or set of attributes: a political movement's commonality of purpose.

2. A shared feature or attribute.

Well this is not the housewarming party update that I am going to do, nor is it the boring "Year in Review" that I will be doing at some point in the near future.

This is about common threads. I've been a very lucky person in my life as it regards true, deep, meaningful relationships. Not that I have been sucessful thoughout them, just that I have had more than one.

All of the women whom I have ever een involved with have had one common thread. Each and everyone of them holding one particular thing in common. I've often wondered what it was about me that brought these people into my life. Once is usual, not shocking. Twice is a coincedence. Three times, a trend. Once you get to number four and five...well, what can you do?

Is it something in me that gravitates me towards these people? Something in them that gravitates them towards me? What can fuck your world pretty good is when someone says to you that you share the commonality, the thread and you see that they might be right, no matter how much you want it to be otherwise.

How many of us do this? Gravitate towards a commonality? A common thread? Should you try to buck the trend? Give in? Run? Maybe it is just life having us stumble towards destiny. Training. Not sure. If any of you have the answer, please comment.

I will be here on Christmas, so feel free to call or write me if you have a spare moment. I plan on setting up my new aquarium on x-mas day. (I'll explain later). I will be dog and bunny sitting this weekend. I invite anyone that has a domesticated,descented skunk to give me a call. I'll watch the fucker for the holidays.

In other news. The Yankees have signed Johnny Damon. My buddy Doug loves the Sox. (I know. He can't help it though. I am trying to bring him over to the good side.) I took much glee in the fact that the best leadoff hitter in baseball now plays for my hometown team. I am also glad that I no longer live in NYC. That place has got to suck with the MTA on strike. I know that I would not be going to work were I there. Oh shit...now I wish I was.

Later Ya'll

"The Chonic!" "What!" "Cles of Narnia!"

2005-12-19T18:02:00.000-05:00

Housewarming party was a blast on Saturday night. (Yeah, you read right. After 9 months in North Cakalackee I finally had a housewarming party. I will do a big update all about that soon. Until then, please amuse yourself with the below.

Click Here for the Chronicles of Narnia rap.

I haven't seen this movie yet. I did see King Kong though. That movie rules. Got check it out. It is a lot of fun. Great action, effects, story, acting. Just wonderful. Highly recomended.

Beware though....the begining of the movie wastes time with actual character development. If you want all monkey, all the time, then wait a half hour, hour before entering the theater.

Wile E. Coyote, the best laid plans, and lucky mistakes (or wonderful errors)

2005-12-14T23:23:00.000-05:00

Sometimes the biggest mistakes of our lives seem to turn out to be glorious blunders that take us somewhere we never expected to be. The things we wanted least turn out to be the best things for us. Wonderful mistakes are what really makes life interesting and fun. Take Wile E Coyote for instance.

Now, there are a couple of ways you could go with this analogy. First, we could say that the Coyote was a planner. Every waking moment of his life spent ordering things from the Acme company to help him to achieve that masterpiece of a roadrunner dinner he so richly deserved. He planned out everything.

There was always some harebrained scheme. Some new flying bat suit, some new fangled strap on rocket which shall shortly become a bomb on the back of our sad-sap anti hero. That's right. Hero! Didn't all of you, once in a while at least, want to see Wile E. catch that blue beeping monstrosity and finally have it all?!?

We all knew how it would end though. Wile E getting blown up, looking a charred husk of the strapping young Coyote he once was, or, and most often, falling off the cliff because the little blue double R has moved out of the way at the last second. This leaves our hero, over the edge with nothing to do but have a moment to reach out with his big toe, to make sure, yup, indeed, that there is no ground under him, before he looks towards the camera and plummets to certain death until the next moment that he has the fever for the flavor of a beep-beep.

Secondly and thridly and right on down the line, we couldcome up with a million ways to see parts of our own lives in that of Wile E. I am sure someone out there has written a philosophy to be learned from Warner Bros. cartoons. That was not the point of this post (if there is any)

I am in a great holiday mood right now. I got a tree the other day and set it up. I had brought my tree stand from back home over the holidays. I put up some lights. Really got me some spirit. I didn't have much in the way of decorations. The tree had one blue and white ribbon on it when I bought it. I put the cast bronze Indian my great grandfather made as a tree topper. It looked really nice. I then covered it with a stuffed doll of Peter Criss of Kiss which looks like this

It made me laugh to no end. I also placed the mold of famous person's teeth onto the tree. You'd think that I would have no problem saying whose teeth they are. A part of me just got scared that there may be a whole gaggle of dental types out there who might come get me with their lawyers.

I am finally having a housewarming party. I figured that 7 months in Raleigh was long enough. I have enough good friends now to fill a house well. Lucky indeed. If it wasn't for lucky mistakes, I wouldn't be here in North Carolina. I would still be in NYC, freezing my ass off and wishing I was somewhere warm.

So when the sound engineers were working on one of the very early Wile E Coyote and Roadrunner cartoons, Chuck Jones saw a sound guy doubled over in laughter. He walked over to the sound guy and asked him what was so funny. The sound guy, quickly began to apologize to the director. Chuck though, wanted to hear it. The sound guy explained that he had set the sound board wrong when he did the playback and pressed play to show Chuck. The dropping missile "wheeeeee" that we all know as the sound of the coyote plummeting, which was supposed to be accompanied by a very painful sounding crash with all sorts of clanging explosions. Instead, what Chuck heard was the missile falling sound, followed by a very quiet, lonely thud.Hilarity!

Lucky Mistakes and wonderful errors

Happy Holiday's Ya'll!

Getting ready for the Grand Re-opening

2005-12-09T21:46:00.000-05:00

Yeah, it was a short hiatus. I will be back. As you can see if you are reading this, I have made some changes to the site with more to come. With Mike V's and Jenn's help, you should all notice some fun new things around here.

For now though? Just some visual stuff. I removed some links, cleaned up the look of this place. Just like I have my home.

I am getting ready for my big housewarming party (yeah 7 months late, but I have people to fill the house with now) on Saturday the 17th. Looking foward to it.

I've been considering changing the name to this blog. Anyone with title suggestions let me know. I was thinking of "Without a Dowd" or "Falling Dowd" (though that last one makes me feel like I have a cold when I say it). So this is all a thought. Dave seems to think that I should keep Well in Dowd, Jenn agreed with him. I may just stick with what works in this case.

Hope all is well with you in your little part of the world. Talk to ya soon.

Back to the undiscovered country

2005-11-28T13:30:00.000-05:00

What a whirlwind weekend. It really was great. Drove up to NYC, had a great thanksgiving with the Fam, hit the road on Friday for Rhode Island, got together with a bunch of old friends, went so Smallbany New York, drove back to NYC.

I am looking forward to geting back home. This has been a really strange trip indeed. Part of me feels as if I was reclaiming my life, if that makes any sense. With all the emotional upheaval over the last two years, I finally feel like I am coming out of it, and that is a blessed thing indeed.

Two conversations with old friends really spurred me on this past week. If you had spoken to me in November of 2003, I would have told you that you were insane if you had told me where my life would be in November 2005. At least I think I would have said so. Some things I certainly could have predicted, and maybe would have said "Okay, I can see that happening." but for the most part? What a long strange trip it's been!

Not only for me, but for many of those close to me. Very strange. The future seems so bright right now and it is very exciting. For the first time I see the path in front of me truly starting to make sense. I've had things clouding my way over the last couple years. Me, living for others, not being true to who I am, good or bad.

I was really kind of nervous about this trip. Not knowing how I would feel about being here in NYC. When I got here though, I realized that this place will always be mine. Heartbreaks, both recent and old, friends here and gone will always be a part of me, but the future is mine alone.

Shocking moments came with friends speaking very plainly to me about the last couple years. Saying how much they disliked the way I was behaving from just about the turn of the year 2004. Not so much in the decisions that I have made, and a lot of them were poor as hell, but in the way I was acting towards all of them. Good when you have friends that will call you on it so plainly....even if it is way later than may have helped you be aware.

Talking about relationships, as all of you who read this blog often know at this point, was part of it. Come on this has been a bit of "The ex-girlfriend broke my heart and left me feeling utterly defeated and despondant as well as the fact that I still don't know how to relate to the person who truly loved me and I was married to for a decade blog". Funny how when you look back you can see so clearly the mistakes, see how the terrors of our childhoods form the people we become. How those moments spur us on, most of the time unknowingly, to hurt others, to put ourselves in bad situations and to cause ourselves pain. Not that all of that is bad, certainly anyone who takes some joy in living learned to be joyful as well. Why is it that the terrors seem to have a much more formative influence on our behaviors?

I am going to sign of from NYC now. Home is mine again. Home is also in North Carolina now. Hitting the road tomorrow morning. Off to discover more about this new path. To really shed the cocoon which I have been forming in. To explore the unknown.

With that said, I am going to take a respite from this blog. A little time off to do some personal renovations. Work a little, sing and dance a little, date a little and dare to be by myself. Chances are that I will be back. I've taken a break before, might be a week, might be a month, might be more, might be a day.Not putting a time frame on any of this, just need to conentrate elsewhere right now.If you want to know how I am, call, write or IM me. I'll shoot you all off an email when and if I return. Be good Y'all.

I leave you with some Willie Shakespeare.

The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others we know not of.

The cleansing fire

2005-11-23T12:26:00.000-05:00

Hey all. I am chilling at the Ridgewood, Queens Dowd homestead. So with nothing else to do, I figured I would write a post.

First off, the 7 hour trip to NYC from NC took me 10 goddamned hours. I was doing great until I hit Maryland. Fucking state took me forever to get through. Traffic, etc. Let's be honest, Maryland is the candy coating around our nation's capital. I believe that without D.C. right there, my trip would have been a breeze. Ridiculous. I really thought that much like a Labyrinth, Maryland just did not want to let me leave. It was intent on keeping me there for the rest of time.

[Any dispariging of MD which upset any of my Edgar Allen Poe state readers should please be excused. It took me a long time to get through your state and I am a bit peturbed]

I got to NYC unscathed. It's FUCKING COLD!!!!! COLD!!!! Got to be in the 40's! I have been living in a place where last week I walked outside barefoot! This sucks! I decided I will not be leaving the house for the balance of my stay here. Unless of course I can get one of those zero temperature suits that they wore in that movie about global warming last year. What was that called? The last day on earth or something?

I got to see some really great old friends last night. It was nice. We brought each other up to speed on our lives. Had discussions about our various heartaches and triumphs. Brother Dave was around and we all had a great time. We all played a video game which was essentially a word search with explosions when you got something right, when you reached the end of the level, flames wiped out the remaining letters and it started anew. The cleansing fire as Dave refered to it.

So I wanted to leave you with this crude thought, heard from an old female friend. "New pussy can really help you get over old pussy". It's amazing how very true that statement is. I don't know if it works quite as wwell in reverse (for women) though I do expect that it helps somewhat. I think for guys, getting laid has a way of making it all better. Kind of like any drug though. You can forget your troubles for a little while. Damn if there isn't a little bounce in your step, a smile on your face and a damn good feeling that goes along with that post coital afterglow (or is all of that the post coital afterglow?)

Now I feel a bit strange posting anything about eating turkey.

A few things I am thankful for

2005-11-22T09:24:00.000-05:00

Hey all. I am off to NYC in a few minutes. Driving my ass up the east coast. Thought I would leave you all with a cheesy list of things I am thankful for this holiday season. Hope that you all have a fantastic holiday with your loved ones, or at least a Lean Cusine TV dinner.

That I live in Raleigh NC
Smiling folks who want to try their hand at some artwork
The friends who have stood by me through one of the most difficult patches of my life (lets call it everything that has gon on since April of '04
Finally being free of the ties that bind
Doug's blog
My Canuck commentors
That Nicole is such a good friend of mine after all of the hurt
Good coffee and living two blocks from one of the oldest Krispy Kreme's in America
My friend Erica for being such an amazing support (not to mention distractive influence)over the last month or so.
Movies by myself
My mom and Dad
That I have found out that I am, by far, the worst fantasy football player in the world.
That I have had some well above average casual sex for the first time in my life this year
Jason Craighead's story about torturing his middle brother. Funniest shit ever.
Alan becoming my friend and getting me out of my hotel room
Anyone who took the time to listen to me whine about doomed relationships
My own apartment
The fact that all of you still read these ridiculous ramblings

So with that said, have a great thanksgiving day! Enjoy your football and Turkey!

Tom's day in a nutshell

2005-11-21T02:32:00.000-05:00

Today was weird. As I stated in yesterday's post, the plan was to watch football. Plan accomplished! Basically, my day went as follows:

Woke up after 10. Strange for me bc I rarely sleep past 8.
Threw on some pants and my Jets sweatshirt
Made some tea
Blogged briefly
Went to the couch, drank some more tea and turned on the football games
Took a ten minute nap
Made some pizza and ate it.
Watched some more football
Took off the Jets sweatshirt, grabbed a blanket and fell asleep watching football
Woke up in time to watch the Colts/Bengals game (Yay small market television!) It occured to me that ten years ago this game would not have been shown nationally.
Napped again at about half time
Woke up to see the Colts pull away while eating more pizza
Decided I should shower, or at least put on some underwear
Showered...and then put on underwear with happy faces on them
Watched extreme home makeover. They had a little kid in a wheelchair they made the house accessible. Good times!Fucked up thing was, the parents were raising the kid to be a Red Sox fan! Good god! I was very disappointed in what these parents were teaching their kids. Ridiculous! Wasn't it bad enough that he was a cripple?!? For god's sake the kid was excited meeting Curt Schilling instead of yelling something disdainful at him and wearing something in pinstripes!
Sat around some more.
Called my friend Erica to see if she wanted to join me in seeing Harry Potter. I needed to be outside for at least half a second.
HARRY POTTER SUCKED! IT SUCKED! RENTER! RENTER!
Came home late and here we are.

Stay away from that movie if you can. The first bunch were good. This one missed the mark I felt. I actually felt foolish for busting out my Slytherin Quidditch uniform for the movie. It was long and boring. Much like some of my recent posts. haha.

I also made it possible for non-registered users to comment once again. Sorry Doug, I know it was too little too late.I was just trying to keep out unwanted visitors.

I may post again later today. I will be in NYC for thanksgiving. Some of you can be expecting to see me or for me to call you. I'll probably be in town till next week.

Talk to y'all soon

Bring me a beer bitch

2005-11-20T14:26:00.000-05:00

I am settling in for a quite day of football on the tele. One really cool thing about living in North Carolina is that I get to choose between 4 games every week. in New York the television rules were such that they were not allowed to show any other game up against the Jets or the Giants. Sucked. I missed all the good national games. No longer!

Here is link to my friend Unkle Bill's site. He is a friend of mine and created the blog just to comment on mine. It's worth looking at just for the title alone.I don't know if he'll ever do anything with it, but I cracked up when he told me about it.

In other news, no more anonymous commenters. Sorry folks, want to comment here, you'll have to do what U.B. did.

Off to be lazy and watch football. Happy sunday.

Holla if you hear me!!!

2005-11-19T08:53:00.000-05:00

So I decided, upon further investigation, to let my two blog meltdowns stand as is. I have edited them, taking out the parts which I felt were filled with the most venom, the most pointedly hurtful. All in all though, I felt I had really posted something honest and true. As much as it hurt some peoples feelings, I have spent way to long pushing back my own. No more.

After reading it again, I think what I had posted had been a very good (even if filled with venom and anger) assesment of my relationships, and more importantly, of who I am. I took the posts down because I thought that I was being mean, which I was. A point that more than one person expressed to me.Upon further review, I decided that, while hurtful and sad, it was pretty damn close to the mark. Sometimes cutting to the quick hurts.

I am, as I have expressed many many times on this forum, a very imperfect man. I fuck up with a regularity which I feel is ridiculous. So much so that I think that I may be getting close to earning my masters degree in doing so. I am going to go Phi Theta Kappa and graduate Suma Cum Laude. My MFU.

With all of that said, I thought that lashing out like that was pretty pathetic. I really wanted to hurt some one. I don't tend to do that. I wrote some horrific things. Some of the analogies I used for people were terribly below the belt, even if those people don't deserve kid gloves in my opinion. Anger. It can get ya.

I've always tended to gloss over things. The tough stuff. "Yeah, I'm okay" We're a happy family, we're a happy family....me and mom and daddy! I have no time for that anymore.

I have decided to let it ride. So I re-posted them in a somewhat edited form.I took out the really maliciuous hurtful and downright mean stuff and left the main body of both posts the way they should have been at first.

One commenter on these posts said that true colors come out when going through a hard breakup. I think this was meant to try to get under my skin, make me feel bad. It didn't work, but it did give me some food for thought. True colors do come out, but from both sides. I think that breaking up with someone allows you to see their true colors, as well as highlight your own. I think that I began seeing my relationship with my ex in a whole new light. The gloss was gone and I realized the fucked up shit that I had gone through since May of 04. Now don't get this wrong. There were some pleasant moments. Some nice times and some really happy ones. Mainly, and I think that my ex would agree, they were just rest stops on the heartbreak superhighway.

So , you were right. Breakups do allow true colors to come shining through and they are not always beautiful like a rainbow. I've gone through a few breakups. Some are mutual and go well. Some are one sided and hurt like hell. Some have left me bitter, some left me sad. In the end though life has gone on. If my opinion is not appreciated, then you are welcome to not read some of these posts.

So if I am a jilted ex-lover, then so be it.Life goes on and I'll get past it. I know what I have to give the right people. My ex's know me. Good and bad. So do my friends. I am flighty, emotive, exhausting at times, caring, loyal, giving, generous, egotistical,a very bad loser and downright perfectly imperfect. I can charm my way out of a snakepit and I can be the snake. Fuck it. So what?

My blog stays. My words stay and so does my pride.

Caught you lookin

2005-11-17T22:39:00.000-05:00

I love my sitemeter. I look at this thing all the time. The interesting thing that is that you can find out who read your blog (sort of) , when they were on the blog, and how they got there.

Some of you may have noticed that I mentioned that Julie's daughter Jaime brought some visitors to my site. Somehow, if you typed in "Jaime Hammer pics" (she being the hottie at the top of this post) into google, it brought up my post about playing barbie with two little girls. I should actually say "attempting to play Barbie" because I was no good at it. It was fun though and a funny moment in my life.It really tickled my funny bone. These were people looking for a playboy model (with a somewhat "horsey" face if you ask me...hey, she's posing for Playboy, I can look for perfection.)

This can all be seen by clicking on "referrals" if you look at my site meter. Some find me through links on other blogs. Most popular as far as I can tell are Laura, The Real Me(bringing in the North of the border crowd!) ,MHN for short, Word Whiz, My Favortie Porkchop, and some others. Best of all are the visitors that find me through search engines. Recentley people have found me by looking for pictures of Christy Brinkley's haircuts,trying to find out "how to make her fucking squirt first", looking for pussypussypussy, wanting to know if Tom Petty is married and other ways. I found this really interesting.

So I am going to now type a few random phrases to try to lure in some more readers.

Cantalopes are good for you
Deer population
Affordable shoes
Nasty hot sex
Little Women cliffs notes
Trial of the century
Abusive Relationships
Tardiness
North Carolina attractions
Amusment Parks
Hot chicks in bikinis
Artichoke dip recipe
To die for
Zum Stammtisch
Mandibles
Harry Potter 7
Nosebleeds
Van Halen Best of
Complete guide to oral sex
When in Jamaica have a nice day
Jim Bob McGillicutty

Well that's all I've got for now folks. If you have any other suggestions, please comment. I would love to add to this list and catch'em looking.

As you can see I removed the two last mean spirited posts. Thought about it, and that is not what I am about.

World pushin' 2...Electric boogaloo

2005-11-16T22:00:00.000-05:00

So the last post felt really great. I really got a lot out there which I had not been sharing. I wonder how much I should share though. I sometimes walk a fine line between life, and making mine an open book.

That last post was a real blogasm. I just let her rip. That is good and it feels great but I hurt some feelings.

After re-reading it I wanted to issue the following retraction. NICOLE - I didn't mean "fuck you" to you.

You see, I mad the mistake of lumping Nicole in with my other recent ex in the same paragraph. While that paragraph was honest, and pretty damn insightful, what followed it was not meant for Nic, or anyone specifically. I meant fuck you, in the universal way, fuck you to the masks I wore. I was just going and didn't stop to think about the next line. In fact, I think I meant that more to the world, and my own masks, than to people specifically.

Anyone that knows me, has spoken to me recently, or has read this blog knows that I think really highly of my former wife. She is one of the world's truly excellent people.

I then lumped her in with someone who I really have a strong dislike for, who shafted me, and whom I harbor quite a bit of resentment for. WRONG! Just like in business, location, location, location. Bad location? NOT A GOOD INVESTMENT! Can't put the former wife next to the ex girlfriend in a paragraph and expect good things to come from it. Oops! Do'ah! DUH!

So a friend and I had a long talk about Karma the other day. I figure that a lot of the stuff I am currently going through is related closely to some of the shit I did in the past. What comes around goes around. I must admit I have taken a bit of glee at times in my life when I have thought about what other people who have wronged me have coming their way. I usually forget what I've got coming down the pike though.

People have actually said to me that they could not believe how good I have been about everything recently. I guess I should be more venomous at times. I think I really held back saying some shit because part of me was thinking about reunions. Honestly. Am I the worlds biggest knothead? Why do I want those kind of people in my life?

That is the question of the moment for your favorite New York transplant.

WHY?

I look back on the way my life has been in since May of 2004, when my newly ex-girlfriend and I first hooked up. I surely did some fucked up things in that time, with that relationship specifically. Hell, I fucked up once in such a big way that it still makes me shake my head.We're talking serious "Dude, are you chemically imbalanced?!?" sort of fucked up. God damnit though! I seriously think that the times that were best were when I was all by myself with no chance at a relationship.

When I look back on the painting of my life detailing this time, I think I see a set of highly imbalanced scales. I added some weight to my side there. For sure. But I will be damned if I didn't take it more than I gave it.

I am a bit embarrassed that I put up with half of the shit that I did. I mean seriously folks. Those of you who know the tale have shaken your heads at me countless times already. I don't know that anyone knows the whole tale though. I had some seriously fucked up shit done to me. Really fucking abusive, thoughtless, hurtful crap.I kept smiling though. Good things are right around the corner!

So now I stand looking back on this relationship and I feel like I was just a stand in. A good standby option for someone who didn't really give two shits about my feelings.

So I had my comeuppance, my karma coming back to bite me. I did get some nice parting gifts though. I think that makes me a man whore. Or would that be she-bitch?

In a world that keeps on pushin' me around......

2005-11-10T01:12:00.000-05:00

So I realized that this blog has become empty lately. I thought that I used to be able, very easily, to keep things fresh, interesting and fun. For gods fucking sake (Wow, where did that lightening bolt that I just dodged right now come from?) I BLOGGED ABOUT THE WEATHER!

The fucking weather. That is like the ending of a bad date. When you realize the person you want to fuck is completely uninteresting if the thought of sex is not on your mind.

"So........"
"Yeah.....um......"
"It is so beautiful tonight"
"Yeah...it really is. I hear it will be 70 tomorrow"
"Really?!?"
"Yup....70"
"Yeah......"
"so......"
"um......wanna go fuck?"
"I guess so"

I mean there are so many things I could be writing about. The songwriting and music playing. The Artwork. My Job. The fact that my former wife must be a Saint to STILL put up with me after all these years. The way that I feel that all of my friends have forgotten me. The way I felt utterly betrayed by my former girlfriend when she broke things off...again. The utter exhaustion I am feeling after my 10th straight day at work.Recent dates I have been on. The way that my sitemeter counter tells me how people have found this little portion of the World Wide Web, and how Julie's daughter Jaime has brought me many visitors with a much different purpose.

Point is, I have been holding back. Not letting it fly. Sorta like Joe "Willie" Namath guaranteeing a decent game in Super Bowl III, Ali saying that he might be one of the greatest ever or the pimply faced kid at McDonald's not even considering that, yes, you may indeed like fries with that. Ask you little pimply faced bitch! ASK!

I was really inspired by MHN's blog today. The problem I am having with this blog recently are the problems that I have been facing my whole life. Wanting to please. Not wanting to hurt feelings. Wanting to be perfect, though I am perfectly not so by any stretch of the imagination.

In my effort not to hurt feelings, not to let too much out there. I forgot myself yet again. Fuck that.

I spent years not caring about number one. I spent 10 years with Nic, trying to be someone I wasn't, though she never asked for anyone but me. Maybe I was scared. Scared to let myself be myself. Scared to excel. Scared of something more. I spent a year plus with Heather. We got together almost every day during the summer and fall of 04, most of winter also.I let her mistreat me and hurt me, only to finally abandon me, for the upteenth time. Shit sure wasn't perfect there, but it was damn good. I feel like such a fool some days for believing in something that was just a reflection of reality. Or maybe it was for real. Who fucking knows? It sucks. I do know how fucking wonderful I am though. I know I have a huge ego(as many will remind me, or tell you if you ask them) but damn, I am a pretty goddamned nice guy.

Problem is I always hide who I am. Nic met a non smoking kid on a meditative high. I wasn't the self abusive, off kilter, addictive fucker that I usually am when we met Imagine her surprise when she met the real me! ! Heather met a fantasy. She didn't even call me by my real name. I've been the rockstar, the prep, the businessman, the puppet, the pauper, the pirate, the poet, the pawn and the king.All masks.Fantastic realizations of me. The smiling face, the sunshiny day.

Fuck that. Fuck them (the masks) and fuck the horse they all rode in on...RIGHT WHERE THEY BREATHE!

So, yes K. I want a vacation. I want to get away. I want to chill on the beach by day. I want to drink to excess till 3 a.m. and I want to make love to a beautiful woman to the sound of the ocean crashing outside my resort widow. I want to look in her eyes and feel intensity...and love. I want to get away from all of this shit. I want to go to Paris and do it right. I want to go to Italy and see the Coliseum and the Vatican (There is a new Pope these days I hear). I want to go to Asheville, North Cara-fucking-line-ee.

I want to dance I want to sing and I want love. True, final lasting love from someone who I respect. That is not a requisite though(the love, the respect is a must). I don't need anyone else. I just need to find the real me, rip off the mask and shout out to the universe that I am going to fucking conquer it. With love, compassion and by smacking it upside it's no good (or too good) sense of humor having head with my dick. Pimp slapping the motherfucker because I wanted a good night and all I got was one Mr. Benjamin...and he's looking pretty lonely. "Is Well in Dowd gonna have to smack a bitch?!?"

I am fucking fed up. I am at my wits end and finishing another Yuengling (Okay everyone, lets say it "YING-LING". Why Yuengling? Because it is cheap, it tastes good and it reminds me of Pittsburgh, PA and simpler times.) Maybe, just maybe, if I have another one, my emotions will shut off for a moment. Some day, there'll be a cure for pain. That's the day I'll throw my drugs away.

So no more bullshit. Fuck you (not you dear reader). This is me. Suck my balls if you don't like it (wow, did I just tell myself to suck my own balls? I gotta start yoga again if that's gonna happen.)

I leave you with my fight songs. Download them, spin them, hear them if you are down. Then go punch someone in the face. But wear a mask, and run! Actually, just listen to the songs and go beat up your fake self. We've all got one. A mask that hides us from the world.

I Won't Back Down - Tom Petty
Jump - Van Halen
Dreams - Van Halen (Everything is balance. One Dave, one Sammy)
That's Life - Frank Sinatra
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen

And lots of fucking others.

Whew. That felt damn good.

Flowers in November

2005-11-09T09:46:00.000-05:00

I took these pics on my walk home this morning. The longer I am down here in Raleigh, the more I appreciate the climate. I am really looking foward to Jan/Feb. No more NYC winters! It has been pushing 80 a few days this week and has been sunny and bright.

For those of you who don't know me, I am big on flowers. I love giving them to people, I love growing them and taking care of them.I had a garden back in Queens that I cultivated over a number of years. Stargazer lilies are by far my favorite flower. They shine brightly and then burn out fast.

I've been amazed with the fact that flowers are still in bloom down here since a friend pointed that out to me one morning.

So, flowers in November folks. The trees are just starting to change, leaves are falling and things are looking good.

BTW, looking at being back in NYC sometime this month. Plane fare is expensive so it may not happen,if I will be in town I will post here and shoot off a note.

ALSO-I need a fucking vacation!

THE ROOF! THE ROOF! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!! WE DON"T NEED NO WATER...................

2005-11-06T15:16:00.000-05:00

Here's a bunch of pics I have been meaning to post since Halloween. The first bunch are Keri's pics from Susan and Truett's Halloween party. The second set is from the Halloween burning of artwork at Slim's.Many of the Slim's pics come courtesy an LG camera phone.My piece of crap Olympus decided not to work that night.There are, sadly, no pics of Jim, Doug, Greg and me doing our thing live on stage. It was fun. We set up a home-like atmosphere with the stage.Playing in the round for the most part.

*NOTE ON THE PICS* It seems that in my rush to post all of these pics I resized some of them incorrectly, giving the impression that I spent Halloween in some Lilliputian (sp?)nightmare. I did not. It was in full size and large as life. If I am feeling up to it I may resize these photos later for general consumption. For now, please enjoy my very tiny Halloween.

The Petersons as Apollo and Aphrodite. I kept calling Doug "Hermes" all night. I think he was only a little annoyed until I had a few too many and decided that "Rip some hair out of Doug's leg" was a fun game. Please note the gold painted sandals.

Doug reminding us that he is the strong Apollo, not the quick Hermes.

Princess Susan strikes a pose in her kitchen. Many of the pics in this bunch are sponsored by what I like to call "Susan's way-too-strong-and-absolutely-delicious-Halloween-fuck-you-up-punch". I had one glass which Susan put in my hand and quickly realized that I needed to switch back to my old friend beer. Things were going to get ugly if I continued with that stuff. Too much too soon. Story of my life.

The Craigheads. Jason and Meg were...I am not really sure, other than the usual life of the party duo that they usually are.Meg had told me the night before, when I asked her when the party started, that it would not really be until about 10:30 (when she and Jason would arrive). She was right.

Erica came as Uma in Pulp Fiction, complete with adrenaline needle in chest and heroin/coke induced nose bleed. She was my makeup artist for the evening, and is responsible for the great, freeing new coif I am currently sporting.

Yours truly sitting on the couch enjoying a beer. I was told, I think by Doug, that I have one of the best "crazy" faces. This is a bit of a change from my usual mouth open crazy shot.I'm a ham and I love the spotlight.

Mighty Aphrodite! Keri and I hanging out.

Doug contemplating calling the universe, or what to drink next.

Jason joins Doug for some posing and general fun. (Shades of Sunset Beach this night folks.)

Prince Truett makes it a trio posing for the camera.

So who is the bigger ham? Jason or me?

See what I mean? I am thinking that he may have me beat in the Ham department.

The night only got a bit crazier from this point. We ended up flipping over the rug in the dining room so we could have a dance floor. The party wound up at 6 a.m. (I left at three)

Slim's came two night's later. That Sunday we played and painted. Halloween night we burned all of the artwork. Not only the pieces that we had down at Slim's but a lot of the pieces from the "Poker night" gatherings that we have been having for the past few months.

Okay, so my gift for exaggeration lent me to refer to this as a bonfire.I look at the pics and I feel like we could have been hobo's trying to keep warm around this thing. Keep in mind though, the fire is being fed by months worth of creativity

The M.C. Alan Stewart himself. Ripping up some artwork and getting ready to feed the fire.Alan was the pro at this thing. He set it up the very first year. Jason is the co-founder.

Stewie stokes the fire...

...then realizes it is fucking hot.

How much did Alan enjoy himself? Little bit, little bit.

Meg was the fire chief for the night. Her job? Making sure that no fire escaped and flew elsewhere. Her secondary job was to make sure that WE didn't catch on fire. I found out this job description after feeling her squirt my foot. "Why did you squirt my foot" I cried in dismay. "I'm sorry. You were on fire.Your foot will dry", she said. "I was?!? Well, okay then. I am going to go get more stuff to burn"

More shots of our protector from ourselves in action.

Me standing on a picnic table holding a hexagonal canvas that I had just smashed. God was that fun. I slammed that shit against the wall until it splintered into a million pieces. Jed laughs in the foreground.

Me balling up the canvas for the fire.Alan is egging me on in this picture.He's got his next piece at the ready for the flames and is imploring me to do my best Shaq impression and slam the canvas into the fire. When I did finally jump into the air and dunk it, paper flew into the air and some flames shot out like napalm in a Rambo movie.

Amy (dressed as a super fine go-go dancer on the left) with Jonathan and Alan.We were all dressed as people burning artwork.Jonathan got some great pics with his camera phone. Hope I can get them sometime.

The final piece burning. This one got it's own funeral pyre.

This was simply one of the most freeing, liberating, exhilarating nights I have ever experienced. The first time a piece of art is brought out that you REALLY love, it is hard to see it burn.There were a few that went in that I would have hung in my apartment. By halfway through, a girl in the bar actually begged me not to throw a piece into the fire. She really wanted to own the piece. She asked if there was any way we could NOT burn that one. I was so caught up in the moment, I coolly looked at her and said, simply "No". She looked shocked as I walked off with the piece to the fire.I am sure the other guys experienced similar moments.

The whole night was about fresh starts, bequeathing the past to memory and fucking some shit up.A strange pagan ritual played out in the heart of downtown Raleigh, NC. Good friends letting go, together and shouting to the sky as if it were the last night on earth. Okay, that is my gift for overstatment and embellishment coming to the forefront with it's dukes up. Let's just all agree that life is fun and the future is bright.

What a handsome Devil!

2005-10-30T13:46:00.000-05:00

Last night was Susan and Truett's Halloween Party. It was smurfing awesome! A couple came as Smurfette and Gargamel. Our drunken asses changed everything to Smurf for much of the night.Pee-Wee Herman was also in attendance, the secret word was cigarette.More pics to come after Meg and Doug send me the ones they took. Being the vain fucker that I am, I took only a pic of myself with my crappy Verizon camera phone. Good times! What fun. There were a lot of people at the party. They left one by one and in the end there was just our crew, dancing, talking, laughing and having a great time.

I went as Lucifer himself. My freind Erica helped me with the horns and the makeup, not to mention the new haircut she gave me last week.It was so liberating to shave it all off! New me!

Things have been a blur. I am tired and really busy. I have been practicing like mad for tonight's poker night live. I am a bit nervous. It has been a whole lot of years since my last gig. This will also be my first time playing guitar live, except for on my big fat ghetto divorce open mic night. I've been playing these parties for a few months so it won't be much different.Artists painting, musicians playing, crowd hopefully singing. Tomorrow we will be burning all of the artwork we produce in a big Halloween bonfire. I will try to post some pics on Tuesday or Wednesday.

Hope all is well in your little part of this great big planet.

See Y'all later

Show me your bad-ass face y'all!

2005-10-26T00:53:00.000-04:00

This post was originally slated for Oct. 21st. Got together with Doug, Jason and Meg tonight. I have to say that I have been so lucky in the friends that I have made since I have moved to North Carolina. Here's a few pics of the folks I have been hanging with. I am really lucky to have such great friends. So a little background on these pics. Bob, Tara, Jason, Meg, Doug, Keri, Susan, Treutt, Amy, and I went to Sunset Beach, NC together. I headed down late Friday night for one of the best parties I have been to in my life. I grabbed the camera at one point and took pics of everyone. Before I took every pic, I said to everyone "Show me your badass face, this was the results. The one above is my attempt. I am not very good at the self takers. Jason. Mr. Cool . The ringleader and the man. I mean, come on, He is actually pullin that hat off and not looking like a hick! He's also one of the most talented artists I have ever met. Jason also sings some mean renditions of your favorite songs. The unstoppable Meg. Jason's better half. She also gets along with Jason's friend "Mary" very well. (inside joke) . Meg is mama bear, the one that takes care of ya. One of the dearest sweetest ladies on this planet. She asked me to turn off Morphine at an impromptu party at my place because I had told her that I can't listen to them (one of my all time favs) when I am depressed. Amy looking tough as nails, cool as ice and nice as hell. When I arrived at the Sunset Beach house I gave Amy a big ol' hug. I then shifted my attention inside the house and walked. I am told that Amy promptly fell. She was either tipsy as all hell, or just swooned under the blanket of fire which are my hugs. Doug himself. A man whose nipples are probably calloused after the weekend in Sunset Beach. He sings in a bad ass, funny as all shit be damned voice and plays guitar like a bat out of hell. He and I usually partner on tunes and we'll be doing it live this Friday! Keri. Doug's much better half (sorry Doug, I had to). She made some killer grub for the beach, which Doug got all the credit for. God that stuff was great. She also does the best accompaniment to Tom Petty's "American Girl" that you will ever have the pleasure of seeing. Bob. Bob is the master motivator ("Okay, everyone, get out"), and is an artist at reading folks.He once read a girl I was with like a book one night when we were out. This was his bad ass face?!? Bob had a great weekend and asked everyone to touch his belly. The unstoppable Tara, who makes up a matching pair with Bob. Outrageous and awesome, Tara celebrated her B-day with me that same weekend. Arg Matey's It be Susan! Susan is married to Truet, whose name I am not sure I spelled right. The are hosting a big Halloween bash This Saturday. I need to get my costume together.
Truet slept a lot that weekend. At least he slept during the biggest partying moments I was there for. He did go boating with me for about half a second. These were the only pics I didn't take of this group. Susan brought the camera in to the bedroom and told him to give her his bad ass face. I think his second attempt was somewhat better.

So there you have it folks. The crowd I run with, from one of the best weekends I have ever had. I couldn't have hoped for a better group of folks to share it with. By Sunday, I found myself wishing for next year. Hope all is well with all of you. Be good.

Where the day takes you

2005-10-25T01:04:00.000-04:00

Heard from a good friend of mine tonight. "You did what you had to do to feel go about the path. You took a chance."

Okay, so it's paraphrasing. I guess in life, when you have done everything you can, there is no reason to look back with regret, or sadness.

Sometimes life pushes in a way that we didn't forsee going.

If you are up to bearing your soul, I urge you to place a comment. Make it anonymous if you must.

Where has life pushed you that you did not forsee going?

SPOOOOOOOOOON!!!!!!!!

2005-10-23T13:31:00.000-04:00

Hey all, I have another episode of "The Best Of Well In Dowd" coming up in the next few days.If anyone feels like pouring through my archives and letting me know of any postings that you think I should use for B.O.W.I.D. ,please let me know. I actually have about 4 posts waiting in the gate right now. These include some pics of the great friends that I have made down here in NC (No Meg, no drunken NY Jets foam hat and Hulk hands drunken posturing), the tag that K hit me with and the aforementioned Best of Well in Dowd 2-Electric Boogaloo. I have had a great week and a great weekend. I mean, the whole broken hearted, yet again, part sucked, but everything else, as always, coming up Tommy!

Two impromptu parties at my place on Thursday and Friday night were fun as hell. Friday I stayed up till 6 a.m. (that would count as Saturday then wouldn't it?) and had a great conversation. Imagine my surprise when I thought to myself "Man it must be around 3 a.m. we should go to sleep." only to find that my body clock had shut down around the time that I opened another great bottle of wine.

So the title of this blog refers to The Tick animated series. A few years back I inherited an almost full collection of Tick cartoons. 30 episodes. I once watched them all in one sitting while partying a little to hard with something that might make one feel comfortable watching 30 episodes of a cartoon in one sitting beginning at 12 a.m. Kel should remember that one.

"Spoon" was what the Tick chose as his battle cry. Much like The Thing from the Fantastic Four yelling "It's Clobbering Time!" or the Hulk's famous "HUUUULLLK SMAAAASH!" (which by the way, my Hulk Hands say when you hit them together).

This morning I woke up thinking about that. Spoon, or spooning really. I think one of the things that I really love in this world is laying with someone and spooning. Feeling the rise and fall of the person you are holding's chest. Hearts lined up and beating in one rhythm. There are many things that relax me and make me feel good about life, but that one does it for me in a big way. I like going to sleep that way. Have for years. It calms me. Spooning, no matter how bad things may seem in my life at the time, seems to melt away all the hurt, makes the pain seem distant, and helps the world to make sense for a moment in the craziest and most unsure of times.

Just thinking about it. Before I look like too much of the sensitive arteest, I would like to remind people that what I love more than spooning is banging chicks, driving fast cars, watching football and farting with abandon.

Later Y'all

Best of Well In Dowd

2005-10-21T08:59:00.000-04:00

Hey my friend
It seems your eyes are troubled
Care to share your time with me
Would you say you're feeling low and so
A good idea would be to get it off your mind

See you and me
Have a better time than most can dream
Have it better than the best
So we can pull on through
Whatever tears at us
Whatever holds us down
And if nothing can be done
We'll make the best of [Well In Dowd]

Here you go people, the first installment of the best of Well In Dowd. I wrote this letter on the couch after buying some Snapple fruit punch at a local Pizza parlor back in NYC. I had a lot of fun writing it. Enjoy!

Made from the worst stuff on earth (Jan. 2005)

Something sorta like love

2005-10-20T09:05:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone. I wanted to thank the bunch of you who have been propping me up for the last few days.It's in the hardest of times that you find out who the wonderful people in your life are. I've been lucky to gather some real gems around me during my short life.

For those of you who couldn't read between the lines, or somehow couldn't figure it out, I broke up with my wedding date, Heather. So Monday, I think I was literally suffering from a broken heart.That's what put me in the hospital, the stress of it all. Love is not supposed to put you in the hospital. I guess if we follow that line of thinking, then it just couldn't have been love, right? Just something sorta like it.

I had been putting off saying anything on this blog, hoping against hope in my heart that we could resolve this moment before we went public. Hahaha. I sound like a CEO or something. I guess I am CEO of W.I.D. Inc. She made the decision. Now, I am trying to get my stock back up.

Funny thing is? This time I didn't do anything wrong to screw this up. No shooting myself in the foot. No mistreatment. Nothing but love and support. I wasn't perfect, and I did screw it up in the past, this current go round though?Did it the way it should be done. My former wife, Nicole, who has been the biggest support to me in the world though this, was shocked when I mentioned some of the things that I had done during the course of my relationship with Heather. Saying things like "You did what?!?" and "You?!!!?". I guess I wasn't nearly as supportive of Nic in during our great times together, and Nic really deserved that from me. So If anything, that tells me that I did most things right, and, for the person who comes into my life and will really love and respect me, I will be damn good. Good catch. Just not for this one. Oh well. Dust off the pants, get back up and get walking.

My friends down here have been amazing. I actually have gotten hints at a few "set ups" already! Haha! I don't know that I am ready for that quite yet. It's nice to know that there are options though. Right now needs to be Tommy time.

With all of that said, I will be doing poker night live this Friday. Really, what better way to attract the chicks than on stage with a guitar in hand? It worked for Keith Richards, and he was one ugly motherfucker.I usually use Mic Jagger in the lady and musician analogy, but he doesn't play guitar. Think about it though, women love a man with a guitar. Not sure why, but it makes the average guy that much sexier. See Paulina Poriskova and that guy from The Cars (is it Rick something? Okasic? hmmm. Too lazy to google.)for a damn fine example, or can you say "Billy Joel and Christy Brinkley"?

Now that I am single I also get to use the old "I wrote this for the woman who broke my heart" line. Works like a charm.Play the heartfelt love song. Afterwards, watch the girls swoon and say "You must have really loved her" and then you say "Yeah, I did. It hurt when we broke up. I wanted to marry her and raise a family, she just didn't want me back.......Wanna make out? It would really help." "Okay, you dear sweet sensitive, misunderstood artist with a guitar in hand" HAHAHA.

So Jason, Doug and Jim are coming by tonight. We're going to practice a little bit. Get some songs together.This will be good for me. It gives me an excuse to clean up some more. I have been doing some serious nesting over the last four days. "Heather broke my heart, so I think I will leave this nub of a pizza crust here on my desk in one of these empty coffee cups which are scattered among the beer bottles and the ash tray and then take off my clothes, except for my boxers, right here and leave them in a two foot high pile next to my chair." ;) We're going to pick some songs and run through them. I may do some of my own. I still need to post the songs that I recorded before I moved down here. If anyone is willing to walk me through posting songs on the internet because I have no idea how to do so, please, contact me. Jenn, I know that you know how to do it. HELP! HELP ME!

Thanks Rae, Mom, Nic, Dave and Vuolo (M, not the N) for being there. I have really appreciated it. Also to the person who sent me the email and didn't post here on my blog, I wanted to thank you so much. The note really lifted my spirits(not yours Rae, but you were right, it did make me smile, big time). I know that we will both find our way. You are fantastic. Thanks.

Later Y'all

This blog

2005-10-19T10:34:00.000-04:00

This blog has been my connection to the outside world so many times. When I was holed up in a long term stay hotel, feeling alone and abandoned, all I did was blog, drink and sit around. I moaned and complained on here. Mive V once told me that my blog became a real downer. At one point I figured out that I had stopped blogging for myself. That I was posting things out of a need for revenge against someone who had hurt me, and editing things for others. I stopped this. Started living for myself.

Blogs and relationships. They are a funny thing. You can certainley have both. Many of us do. Some of us keep our blogs from our loved ones. Some of us share them with everybody. I think that with the type of blog that I keep, more of an online diary, it's a little bit harder to keep it cool.I tend to want to share all of my hurts and my triumphs.Say "Look what I did" or "Look how this person injured me!". So I struggle with it. Trying to be positive, trying to be light. Trying to stay out of High Shcool like drama.

Over the last couple days I had some major shit go down and I had two people get together to try and take me down even further. One of the two was way out of line with nothing good to say. High School level bullshit.This all happened over instant messenger, a terrible way to have any convo of importance. It allows you to walk away, block the other person, say things that you wouldn't if you were face to face. But, it can show the type of person that you really are. It is sort of like Catholic confession throught the old school screen. You can say whatever you want and not have to see a reaction.It's cowardly. I don't want to be involved with those type of people in my life.I was in the hospital two days ago and am still sort of recovering. Yesterday made me realize where the source of the stress had come from.I got really worked up and experienced and "aftershock", for lack of a better term.Makes everything clear. When you feel, even for a moment that your life may be in jeopardy.

I really examined the types of relations that I have kept in my life. Especially when it comes to the women I have been involved with. Where those relations come from, where they lead to. In talking to someone yesterday, I realized that I have this penchant for getting into my car (analogies, love em) with the new person that I have met and hitting the gas. Getting up to 90mph, right away, only to find that when I get tired of driving, the ther person doesn't want to take the wheel. I never really date. Which for this analogy, would be taking the scenic route, stopping and getting lunch, taking in some scenic overlooks etc. Basically, a few big relationships, not a whole lot of dating. Fooling around? Sure. But taking the time and getting to know someone? Not really.

I guess once you make the move you need to be able to stick to it. I am a pretty giving, good catch, understanding, sensitive guy. I have areas where I still need shoring up, but who among us doesn't right?

So with all of that said, i may take a hiatus from this blog. Take a break and give my wounded, beaten down heart some time to heal.Tonight is clean time! I am changing out all of the pictures in my apartment to reflect happier times. I think I am going to buy some photo paper today so I can print out some more pics of my loved ones. Going to do some massive amounts of laundry, and dishes.Out with the old, in with the new. Good days ahead, hurtful people out of my life and better times right around the corner.

Love Y'all

Dumb ass Dog

2005-10-18T21:17:00.000-04:00

So there is nothing on TV so I looked at Daves site and found this. s-u-p-e-r r-e-TARDED d-o-g
This made me laugh really, really hard. The best. hahahaha!

Baseball on the boob-tube

2005-10-18T19:47:00.000-04:00

I would like to start off by telling you all how much I appreciated your words of concern for my aching heart. Anyone who feels that they would like to kiss it and make it all better are invited to send me a comment or an email application for new boo-boo kisser.

Doug called me while he was sick in bed to express his concern. Nic IM'd me and provided more support that I could of possibly imagined or asked for, as did Dave. The wonderful Linz wrote me an email telling me that I was a great person. Mom was really great on the phone also. I'm a pretty lucky dude to have such good people in my life! Thanks all!
I am still experiencing some pain. I think it is stress related. It happened again today. Not as severe as the first one. It came during some stressful moments. I think I need to get back into Tae Kwon Do or Yoga or something. I kinda of prefer the thought of ass-kicking to that of human knots right now.

I went to Glance Gallery today after my doctor's appointment. Walked around so I could revel in Magarita Leon's genius again. I have been thinking about the statues since I first saw them. Jason and Bob were out on business. I talked to Erica for a little bit about the paintings, the current show, and some other stuff.

Anyhow, go figure that baseball is not on tonight.(Can anyone say "Get Cable"?)I am not a big fan of the game, but tonight I would watch if I had the chance. Just want to chill and veg. At the boob-tube. I was thinking that a little sports would be nice.Plus baseball bores me to tears.It would help me sleep. I think I may share some of my more frightening nightmares with you all at some point. I don't get them often, but when I do? They are doozies! So I think I may pop on Field of Dreams again.

I think I love Annie.Amy Madigan's character in this movie is someone I would love to meet someday. Someone who backs up her guy. Stands up for him, encourages his crazy notions, and implores him to follow his heart. Do those kind of people only exist on film and fantasy? Actually, I think I may have had that at one point in my life. So okay, I want to meet her again! Now that I am older, wiser, kinder, gentler and more stable. ANNIE! WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!

Heart broken, but still smiling!

2005-10-17T23:39:00.000-04:00

So I have had a rough couple days. Sunday sucked. I pretty much stayed up all night doing my insomniac thing again. Turned on Field of Dreams. That movie always puts me to sleep when I am down in the dumps. I start relaxing as soon as I hear Annies voice reply to Ray's question if she heard a voice "We didn't hear anythiiing" in that sing-songy fashion of hers.I want to meet an Annie some day.

Monday only got better! I took my current head pain over to my friend Jason's house and hung out for a bit. We drank a few brews. Comiserated, talked about life. A couple funny things came out of that convo though. I remembered why bad days are great, because without them, the good times wouldn't seem as sweet as they do. He explained some of the more maddening and fun points of golf. Then we went and sat on his couch.

I sat there for a few moments and then all of a sudden my chest stared to hurt. It felt like Shaka Zulu had busted into the Craighead home to stab me in the chest with one of those short war spears that he was so fond of. I am talking shortness of breath and extreme, excrutiating pain for just about five minutes. It was scary. I thought i was going to die. My arm hurt afterwards. My neck and stomach did also.

We were both really freaked and I went home.I talked to my former wife (great lady that she is, Nic, thank you so much for today, or yesterday prolly when you read this entry) and decided to go to the hospital. I thought that after my "old infarction" ekg reading a few months back, I should exercise caution.

So got to the hospital, feeling like shit and my chest hurting. I must say that the admition process happened quickly.I was processed within a half an hour. "What seems to be the problem Mr.Dowd?" "Well I have chest pain." "I see. When did it begin?" etc,etc.

So they admitted me. They hooked me up to the EKG. My nurse was nice but kinda dumb. She actally mixed up the left arm and left leg alligator clips for the one ekg moniter.They took my readings, took some blood.She laughed when I asked if I could take some pictures. I did get a smile going. The pic above was from when I was the slightly less bionic man.At one point they had me strapped to about 15 different electrodes.

The doctor came in, examined me. Gave me some prescription pain killers and some something to drink. Tasted like all of the dirty nubs of school chalk that are left at the end of the week, ground up with pig feet and then watter added.

I made some phone calls. Dave got the comment of the day award. "Man when you said you had a broken heart I didn't think you meant REALLY!" hahaha. The doctor, who took my suggestion of broken heart much better than my previous doc, said that was okay because we know that will heal.

I found out that my lungs are really big. The chest x-ray did not cover the bottom of my lungs. They had to radiate me twice. Damn height! For those of you who don't know, I am 6'5' tall.Big body=big lungs I guess. I am all torso too.

So battery of tests, pokes prods, and two exams with a biting pain going on most of the time, I lamented my life and the fact that I was in the hospital. Finally, when they were discharging me, after spending tons of money, no doubt, I had a last moment alone with my dullard nurse. She gave me some pain killers, took the IV out of my arm and said that the doctor wants me to call another doctor if the pain continues (she provided the number) and that he was prescribing me some pain killers.I asked her "So what was wrong?" She said, "you have chest pain"

Thank you Duke University Hospital of Raleigh! You are the best!

I walked alone, truly and utterly alone, out of the hospital and to the parking garage. Just me and my broken heart. I looked dowen at the stained sweatshirt that I was wearing and thought. "Fucking Jets. This must somehow all be your fault". They are my new scapegoa, I am blaming the Jets for all bad things in the world.

You know that thought that Jason and I shared about how the bad days a re need to have some good ones is really appropriate for my life right now. After these past few, I definately have some great days ahead of me.

Love and southern hospitality to Ya'll

Cool days indeed

2005-10-16T20:35:00.000-04:00

That refers to my life and the weather. Fall is arriving. I am not a big fan of the cool weather. I like shorts, t-shirts and heat! I need me some sun.

I had a great weekend! I went to this really cool charity art auction. It was called Works of Heart. I didn't get a bidder card, thinking that I couldn't possibly afford anything. In past years, I was told, $3000 a painting was not that outrageous. This was a down year though and a painting by Murray Handler, a personal fav, sold for less than $500! I was pissed!

My friend Jason's painting actually sold for 2k that was cool. I also added his link to the side bar. Check out Glance Gallery. Good stuff. They are the best gallery in Raleigh. I've seen some truly visionary stuff there.

So today was a great day. The weather, after the initial cool spell, was warm and sunny. I went to see the Corpse Bride with my friend Erica. It was supposed to be a group thing, but then Meg and Amy canceled on us. Oh well, it was fun anyhow.

Had a few beers. I even managed to get in a little bit of football. FUCKING JETS! I hate them. Anyone with suggestions about new allegiances, please comment.

Good Day!

(Can someone plese explain to me why bloggers suck ass spell check does not recognize the word FUCKING? This is english right. Is FUCK in Websters?It's used enough, it should be.)

Up in the air! It's a Bird! It's a Plane! It's...

2005-10-12T23:39:00.000-04:00

Me beyotch! That's right.

The place-Third floor apartment, Ridgewood, Queens New York Fucking City. We lived at the top of a third floor walkup. My Grandparents lived on the first and second floor. It was Mom, Dad and me...Until earlier this very year Dave came along to spoil my onlychildessness

The Time- 1979. Age of multi colored bad plaid pants , Kiss' magnum opus "Dynasty" (The Kiss army shall live forever!), and If I am not mistaken in my geek knowledge, the year of Star Trek the motion picture!I remember going to that movie and sitting in separate seats with my dad so we could see it (I was a Star Trek fan from real young, I had the toys, actually once, at age 7 or so I demanded a "Spock" haircut. I wanted to be Captain Kirk, but there could relate to Spock. He was misunderstood, and different looking).

The Mission-Fighting for truth justice and the 2nd grade way!I was a young burgeoning geek with a brown birthmark on my face the size of Texas...at least that's how big it seemed to this little kid when he was made fun of at school. I loved my Star Wars toys and loved going to the TSS (Times Square Store, but they were everywhere in NY in the seventies, this google search showed that some kids had very similar memories of T.S.S. ) with my parents. I also, as evidenced by the picture, loved my brand new Superman Underoos.

Underoos for those of you who don't remember them, were underwear that were made up like superhero costumes. Superman had an iron-on on the chest with the "S" logo, Spider man had the webs and Spider Symbol etc. I imagine there was also a Wonderwoman for girls. The theme song sang "Underoos are fun to wear! Yeah!" and so on. I was hooked. I would scale shit in my Spidey's (I had a loft bed which lent itself to this little fantasy) and would run around in my red galoshes and semi-reddish seventies towel as Superman. Thankfully I knew enough to not try to fly out of the third floor window.

I would like to point out the serious on-the-brink-of-a-scowl crimefighting look on my young face. Sure to strike fear into the hearts of criminals, cream cheese sandwich making mothers and dad's who toss you into the air as a baby hitting your head into the doorway and possibly being the reason for all your later mental problems EVERYWHERE! Watch out folks, here comes SUPER TOMMY!

Like most kids my age in the seventies, I grew up in the cult of Star Wars. I went to school in the rain under my Star Wars umbrella, with my lunch (could have been just a cream cheese sandwich. My mother will deny it to this day but she once sent me to school with a cream cheese sandwich! On Wheat! I had never so wanted the schools weird smelling ravioli hot-lunch.) packed neatly into my Star Wars lunch box, I would buy a pack of Star Wars trading cards with my allowance on the way home and then would play with my Star Wars toys before getting into my Star Wars pj's and going to sleep under my Star Wars bedsheets! (I still have the pillowcase of those sheets, I should probably get that thing framed. Or maybe I will put it on my pillow tonight for old times sake.)

Many years later I collected some toys and some comic books (My mom and dad are still clamoring for the day that I come and take them away from their basement)In my toy collecting I liked to buy real oddities. The Star Wars stamp collecting kit, commemorative McDonalds cups. The stuff that makes you think "Why would they have ever made that?". And then there is this.

The story goes that some Topps artist decided it would be funny to airbrush and extra robotic appendage to C-3PO's nether regions. Only about 10,000 of these made it to market. This scene is the one where he is being raised out of his oil bath (sexy) in Luke's farmhouse on Tatooine. I found this card at a St. Matthias Church boy-scout flea market and bought it immediately. It is one of my most prized possessions. It makes me laugh, as the picture above does. Sometimes looking back makes us realize just how far we have come. I have a tendency to look on the dark side of things. I've come a long way. It's not the path that I intended, but I've done pretty damn good (and I have fucked up excellently). I've finally learned how to laugh at myself. It's about fucking time. Cause serious Tom is some serious shit. Just look at the shark cold eyes above! Kickin',Spillin',Diggin and drillin a hole! Pass the old gold!

Rockin' Like Dokken Y'all (I don't know why, but that saying has been rolling off my tongue with frightening frequency. It makes me laugh. It's like when I took to Queen's theme song for Flash Gordon the movie. I took every one syllable word and for weeks would say, for instance "Eggs, ah-ah, THEY'LL SAVE EVERY ONEOFUS!". I've got problems folks, real problems)
Later

Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory

2005-10-12T12:41:00.000-04:00

I feel like I have3 been running around like a chicken without it's head. I have been swamped at work, I traveled almost every weekend in September (got to see Heather a lot so that was good), and suffering from mental and physical exhaustion.

one thing that I am really great at is creating drama. I am a regular Shakespeare, cept I live it, I don't write it down. Now this penchant for drama is not the worst thing in the world. It is also what makes me so much fun to be around. I am a very passionate man and I have a way of magnifying everything that goes on in my life. When I love, I love big, when I fuck up, I fuck up big, when I apologize...well you get the picture.

I'm a NY Jets fan. That should tell you something about me if you follow football in the least. The Jets are a non-stop drama that has lasted for years. They are a great team to follow if you have a love of tragedy. I have seen them snatch defeat from the jaws of victory many, many times.

I want to be a Jet fan, I just don't want to be a Jet.

Because I am feeling lazy and am busy uploading photos

2005-10-04T21:20:00.000-04:00

I am busy getting all of the many pics that I have on my camera uploaded onto my handy Sanpfish account tonight. I'll be damned if I will ever wait this long again. I have pictures in here from as far back as May! I am talking my May trip to NYC, my trips to Norfolk, VA , Las Vegas, NV, Philadelphia, PA, Sunset Beach, NC, NYC in September, assorted Raleigh pics including the first poker night and the dinner I took my staff out to. Whew! Lots of photos. Made tougher by the fact that I can only upload 10 at a time. The total count was 207 photos.

Anyhow.......I have decided to let Dave do my blogging for me tonight. Check out the link below for a good laugh. I cannot believe that Nick Cage actually has done this. I want to believe it is just another Hollywood publicity ploy. Sort of like Michael Jackson's marriage to Lisa Marie Presley, or David Copperfields marriage to Claudia Schiffer (I think the magic was that he made her taste in men disappear).

LONG LIVE KAL-EL CAGE!

33 years and one half day old

2005-10-03T15:54:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my 33rd birthday. I spent a fantstic weekend with some of the great freinds that I have made here in N.C. and one freind from up North.Partied like it was 1999 (will someone please give me a new term since that Prince song is now waaaaaaay out of date?). My calve muscles actually hurt from what seemed to be two straight nights of dancing in the beach house we were staying in.

I will post the pics as soon as I get them from the various culprits involved. Thanks to all the ones who called me, or emailed and helped make my birthday a special one.

I am so great, I am so great!

2005-09-28T22:38:00.000-04:00

I am not the most horoscopal person in the world (yes, I just coined a word), but I do enjoy reading them. I read Rob Brezny's "Free Will Astrology" every week without fail. You can find him in your local "cool" paper. You know, the Village Voice, etc. I don't run my life by it at all, but I do find it fun. I read mine, those of my close loved ones and I chuckle to myself.

I loved this weeks horoscope for my lovable libra ass. read it below:

It will be a good week to Google yourself, ask people pointblank to tell you how much they need you, and brag about yourself with extravagant gusto. In fact, Libra, you now have cosmic license to celebrate your glories in a hundred ways. Why not buy yourself special gifts, gaze into the mirror longer than usual, and yes, even make love with yourself? (If your religious beliefs regard the latter as a sin, simply touch yourself in unsinful ways.)

WOW! That is great! I mean, this horoscope for a man who will turn another year better on Sunday!?! Brag about yourself being the advice to a man whose ex-wife told him that his ego had reached an all time level with his posting of the picture that should have been at the top of the sistine chapel?!? (BTW she was teasing me, sort of)I am going to start right now.

Google searches-

Well In Dowd

Tom Dowd

Tommy Dowd

Thomas S. Dowd

Now for some things that are great about me.

I can be funny
I can be super depressing so everyone around me thinks their lives are better
Empathy is one of my talents
I can be one cold hearted business man
I can give advice like a motherfuck
I can NOT take advice like a motherfuck
I can piss off even the nicest people
I can calm down the most pissed off people and have them want to buy me dinner
I can claim my faults as good things
Boss? I'm a damn good one.
I was told today that I am always right
When I think I am right? I am often supercalafragalistically wrong!
I am wonderfully free sprited in my organizational skills (or, I am a damn fine slob!)
Apologizing is getting easier as I get older. (Practice makes perfect, and on this one? I am perfect)
I am a gloriously tiring, wonderful pain in the ass!
I look great in blue (it sets off my icey blue eyes)
My poor speeling is only ootdone bye my laziness wth the blooger speel-check.
Suits look great on me
The top shelf is never out of reach with a tall cool drink of water like me around
I will rock you like a hurricane
The game is self destruction. The master? Me!
I am finding that my life is getting better by the year, by the day, and by the moment.

Now that we have that out of the way, I am going to encourage all of you to write some of those deliciously wonderful thoughts you have about me.

Why do you like me?
Why do you read this blog?
The most wonderful quality about his Royal Dowdiness is....?

I know that you could post here in the comments. Feel free to do so. Those of you who feel compeled to extol my virtues on your own blogs have carte blanche to go ahead. If you are too busy to post a blog, saying all of those wonderful things about me, it's okay, don't worry, just give me a little link and go about your daily choresGo ahead...I am wonderful. My horoscope says so.

See ya'll later

(seriously though folks, I would love to hear one nice thing you have to say about me. I say that with the upmost humility.)

Shut up and get in the trunk Ken

2005-09-26T09:10:00.000-04:00

I have had a great weekend in NYC. Saw my folks, my ex, my oldest friend in the world and stayed with my wedding date at her De-Luxe apartment in the sky.

We all went out Friday night. Whooped it up a bit at some of my favorite East Village haunts.

Saturday night we drove out to my wedding date's cousin's place.It was her cousin's wife's 30th b-day. I met the family for the first time. Mom, Dad, cousins. It was a lot of fun. Julie (whose B-day it was) is an amazing lady. Mother to two cute little girls and cancer survivor. There were "LiveStrong" braclets on each table. I thought that was a nice touch. Made you think how precious it is. I think anyone who really worries about getting older is a bit ridiculous. Here was a woman who faced the prospect of not getting to 30! It was cool to hear everyone saying how she had such a great attitude. That SHE lifted them up! Awsome party, good dancing! Fun!

Jim and Julie strike a pose

We stayed at Jim and Julies place that night. In the basment. Jim has the COOLEST X-box setup in the world. He had a full scale model of a car, that he bulit, with a steering wheel and pedals! Plus a huge projection T.V. He was my hero fo a moment there!

In the morning I met J&J's daughters. Samantha (2) and Jaime (5 I think). Jamie took a shining to me. She invited me to play Barbie with her and Sam in the playroom. An offer that I graciously accepted. I realized, however (and quickly) that I have no idea how to play Barbie. Aloow me to explain the rules of engagment when being invited to be Ken while staying at the Barbie Dream Home.

-Barbie's do not attack, fight, or blow anything up. How is this fun? I do not know.
-My wedding date informed me tis morning that Barbies shop, talk, and drive around when you are five. Later on they date. (I tried the driving. Not good. See Below)
-Ken does not talk in a high pitched sqeaky voice (I was reprimanded for this infraction right away)
-Barbie doesn't really care what Ken wants to a)Do b)wear
-Barbie decides if Ken gets to ride the Horse (I was told right away that the horse was tired and was napping. In other words NO EQUSTRIAN EVENTS FOR KEN!)
-I asked if Barbie would like to go for a ride in the Barbie VW Beetle. This was thought about and my request was approved. Ken would have to sit in the trung though. As there was no room in the car for him with all of the Barbies.
-At this point Ken decided to take a nap and I decided to get some more coffee.I had enough Barbierific fun for one day.
-Jamie's grandfather made fun of me for not knowing how to play Barbie.He had two daughters of hi own. I told him I was going to brush up and next time it was me and him in a Ken battle to the death. BOO-YA Grandpa!
-I am going to bring a G.I. Joe next time. Joe blows things up. I make great 'Splosion noises!

My short lived attempt at playing Ken

On Sunday, we drove my wedding date's brother back home to Maryland and her parents home. Who, I failed to mention, I had met for the first time the night before. We brought food and all sat down in the family room to eat. I got one or two bites in at which time her mom said "So tell us about yourself Tom". After nearly choking at such an open ended question, I rattled on for one half hour. I was told I did well. Whew.

It took us 6 hours to complete the 3 hour drive back from B-more. We stopped in at my folks place and my wedding date got some of the same treatment. So the two of us were exhausted when we got back to her place. I fell right asleep.

I am leaving for NC tomorrow. Sucks. I miss it, but I want to stay.

See Y'all later

BTW-My wedding date's name is Heather.Here she is.

Coffee and cigarettes

2005-09-20T09:43:00.000-04:00

I love drinking my coffee in the morning while reading my new book. (whatever that may be)

Philly was great, I ate too many cheesesteaks, danced a whole lot at the wedding and had fun with my date. She is a good dance partner (cept that she loves to step on my feet....kidding). I hadn't seen Mike in years, his dad and bro I hadn't seen in about ten. You will never laugh harder in your life if you ever get the opportunity to dance to Journey at a wedding.

Good times. Pics to follow soon.

Canceled plans and Philly freedom

2005-09-15T20:25:00.000-04:00

I am waiting for my first bbq meal of the year to finish. I bought some hamburger meat and am going to engorge myself tonight. What better to do as the hamburgers cook on my George Forman lean-mean-outdoor-grillin' machine then blog?

For thouse of you who even knew, I have canceled my travel plans for NYC next weekend. I was planning on partying, seeing family and friends, but have decided not to. I don't know when i'll get back there. I've only been back home once since I moved to Raleigh. That time just turned out to be a miserable mess.

I don't miss NYC that much anymore. Sure I miss some places, certain people, but not enough to get my ass to the city. I had a woman ask me today why I like NC, or why I would reather be here than in NY. I find that I have just been calmer here. That I love my job and the friends that I am making very much. My first months here were spent having my emotions in an uproar on a consistant basis...check out my blogs from March, April and May for some insight.I am still considering going home in November at some point. We'll see.

I am going to my buddy Mike's wedding this weekend in Philadelphia. It should be a nice time. A little Nothern exposure may do me some good though.It will be good to see some old friends.

Any thoughts on love and marriage can be posted in the comments please.

In my nature

2005-09-14T08:26:00.000-04:00

The parable of the scorpion and the Frog is an all time favorite. I was a big fan and then I heard that Pat Riley had used it as part of his pregame speech with the Knicks during game 7 of the 1994 Eastern conference championship game and I was sold. (I'm a guy, I like sports, beer and chicks) Along with the parable of the old bull and the young bull, I have related it many times. So, for your reading pleasure.

A scorpion was standing on the bank of a lake, wanting to get to the other side. Walking back and forth, trying to figure out how he would do it, he happened upon a frog chilling out in the water. So the scorpion says "Hey, I need to get to the other side of this lake. Would you give me a lift across on your back?" The Frog, with a surprised look and a bit of fear in his voice says "I can't do that, you'll sting me." The scorpion looks at the frog and says "I won't sting you. If I were to do that, we both would die. All I want is to get to the other side of the lake. I give you my word"

At all of this, the frog pondered. Thinking that it would be nice to help the scorpion. The scorpion's logic seemed to make sense. "Okay, hop on. I will take you across the lake" the Frog said, deciding to trust the scorpion.

So the scorpion hopped on the Frogs back, thanking him for the lift. Things were going well, they were halfway there. At that moment "Thwaaaack!" (Thwaaaack being the sound of a poisonous tail meeting amphibious flesh) the Frog felt the sting. "Why?!? Why did you do that?!?" the Frog wailed. "You gave me your word". The scorpion, looking at the frog, speaking with the same cold logical tone that he used when convincing the frog to help him, said "I am sorry my dear frog.I could not help but sting you. It is in my nature"

I've been the scorpion, I have been the frog. How bout you? Can one change? Can you remake yourself into something more? Like a butterfly form a cocoon? Or are we doomed to repeat our mistakes? Stinging or believing that we will not be stung?

Opinions on the new banner?

2005-09-13T00:43:00.000-04:00

Hey, what do ya think? Mike V. (who I now believe is more talented than I ever gave him credit for) helped me to execute my idea (as in did all the work) and my asshole....oops, I mean, my brother Dave, helped me post it here (but not before he hijacked my blog for his fantasy).

What do ya'll think? It makes me laugh.

The new, the old and the linkly

2005-09-12T17:32:00.000-04:00

Due to my lack of initiative for blogging lately I have failed to add a few things here. I have added a few new links and wanted to give a few highlights.

New Links

The Real Me's Secret Musings-Real, or Goddy as I like to call her (goddess, which she suggested is way to lofty a title for me to not abbreviate) . She is a very gifted writer and posts many of her own pieces on her site.

Shaterisk's Not Just Another Femme Noire- Shasterisk is another aspiring and talented writer. Good stuff. Check it.

A bunch of congrats are due to Nicole . She is the glue that keeps her company together. She's that person that does everything. The under appreciated that makes everything happen. (actually that sounds a lot like our marriage! haha) She's really proud of this current project. That link is a NY Times article.Going to change the face of a neighborhood. She asked me to post this for her, go to her blog and tell her to post.

More to come! Later ya'll

My Brother Dave

2005-09-12T17:05:00.000-04:00

is smart and very handsome and has a much larger penis then me.

Lucky Seven

2005-09-12T16:24:00.000-04:00

7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die:

1. See some more European countries
2. Mentor someone
3. Own a home
4. Learn how to drive stick
5. Drive a NASCAR (hate the sport, like to drive fast)
6. Have kids
7. Have a lasting, caring, supportive relationship

P.S. and join the mile high club.

7 Things I Cannot Do:

1. Drive Stick
2. Cook a complex meal
3. Think in a linear fashion with regularity
4. Speak another language fluently
5. Hide my feelings very well
6. Leave my essentials (keys, wallet) in the same place everyday
7. Suffer fools easily

7 Things That Attract me to the opposite sex:

1. Height, and a bit of it
2. Slender, but not real slim
3. Good smile, teeth
4. Easy going
5. They are good conversationalists
6. The way a person moves. Elegance of movement. (does that make sense?)
7. Eyes. whew. Feeling, beautiful eyes.

(I was tempted to write "Tits, tits, tits!" Thought it would be funny)

7 Things I Say Most Often:

1. "Like"
2. "You know"
3. "Thank you for calling. This is Tom, how may I help you?"(Answering phone)
4. "I love you"
5. "Tom Dowd...." (answering the phone again)
6. "Yeungling"
7. "Fuck" (or some form of it)

7 Celebrity Crushes: This is the toughest question for me. I don't know the names of any celebs (or very few) and I don't watch T.V. I am going to add so ridiculous choices, and then only cause I know their names and this is part of this post. I have a crush on my wedding date, but she's not famous yet.

1. Jennifer Connely
2. Natalie Portman
3. The chick from Titanic who played the girl in Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
4. The woman who played the love interest in Six feet under (I only saw the first season)
5. Shit, three more? Ummmmm.....oh I know, Rod Stewart's girlfriend. Hot!
6. Young Iman. (Can I have a crush on what someone used to look like?)
7. If I can have a crush on a memory, then lets add Slave Girl Pricess Leia (played by a coked up Carrie Fisher). All guys born in the late 60's or early 70's can relate to that one.

7 People I Want To Do This List:

1.Heather
2.Lindsay
3. Dave
4. Mike V
5. Aryn (do you still read this?)
6. The former blogger known as Laura Lee
7.Everyone else, I love bullshit blogs like this one.

Blogasm

2005-09-12T15:51:00.000-04:00

I had this post that I ripped off of Whiz' site half complete. I decided that I should just go ahead and post already. I really have been slacking. I have been busier than a long-tailed cat in a room full o' rocking chairs. Work has been crazy. I have people coming and going. I went down to Kitty Hawk over the three day weekend. Had a really great time.

(She Caught The Katy-Figured I would just play some music and tell you what I listened to during this blog)

I'm really feeling great these days. I felt a little funky when I posted last. I was tired and cranky. I had a great weekend in Kitty Hawk. My wedding date had come to visit. She had just left and I was feeling a little down. (pics will follow soon)

Things have been going really great for me. I'm feeling like life is a pretty damn good thing. I sometimes think that I have had a pretty rough go of it (Imagine-John Lennon). Life hasn't always been easy.I've made more mistakes that I have digits to count on. I've been really confused. Hurt people. Not listened. Raised my voice. I seem intent on beating on myself. Right now I am in one of those moments where you feel as if you climbed out into a glen from the dense forest. The sun is shining down and the path seems, though scary, perfectly clear! (Angel of Harlem-U fucking 2)I feel like I could run full tilt into the next path of my life. Scale a river,swim a a mountain, make flowers bloom in dark places. Run thorough the streets of the city under street lamps, next to the river, music blaring from my headphones, stopping jumping, grabbing onto the rail keeping me from the water, and forever, and screaming out into the night that I'm gonna rule the world and have everything I want!

(Santeria-Sumblime) My best friend in Raleigh is leaving. He's gotten a great opportunity, but I will miss him very much.He got me out of my hotel room, then out of my apartment, helped me open up in a time when I resisted getting attached to Raleigh in any way. He's gonna do great. Good Luck Jaz (prematurely, but you're gonna go real soon) (Gin n juice-The Gourds)

Well nothing more to say at this moment. Talk to ya'll soon.

I am alive

2005-09-06T09:02:00.000-04:00

Figured that I should type and let ya'll know I am not dead. Things have been going well (cept for this strange funk I am in this morning...can't explain it). I just got back from a tfree day trip to Kitty Hawk, where I had a marvelous time. Didn't smike a cigarette the entire time I was down there, and didn't miss it. Had some great oysters, seafood,etc.

So if anyone can explain to me why I am feeling funky please let me know.

Go Team Dowd!

2005-08-25T00:35:00.000-04:00

So as it was proven this week by taking numerous online personality quizzes (laugh it up! I swear, I do have a life) money and possesions are low on my priority list. I don't want much out of this life. A family, a modest yet comfortable home, the best relationship possible with my spouse and maybe a nice Weber BBQ in my backyard. Not to much to ask. I am however now coveting something.

I want this

This is an Ovation 1778T Elite. I played one of these last week at Guitar Center while looking for fun toys to play with. I bought some Mallets and a slide. I will be damned if I did not think about putting this little puppy on my credit card. Something I definately don't need to do.

I thought about this thing all weekend. I am obsessed with owning it now. I have been playing at these Poker Night parties with such regularity that I now need a new instrument. Bertha (the guitar my godparnets bought me for my 16th birthday and one posession I would grab if my hose was on fire) is fine and she sounds okay. She just has too many buzzes along her neck and is not a professional instrument. I have decided that I am selling all of my bass equipment to buy this beyotch. I am in love! It has a built in tuner and electronics! Plays like a dream. Has all the qualities I love in Bertha, but without the shortcomings of a student grade, Korean made instrument.

With that in mind I would like to take this opportunity to remind you all that your faqvorite lovable Libra's 32nd B-day is right around the corner (October 2) . "Psssst....buy him the guitar" Kidding. I don't expect any one person to put in the cash nessesary to give a home to fine example of luthierian craftsmanship.

However I did have a thought. While we can't all have everything that we want, I figure that if we all pool our money at least one of us can! We could do this thing people! We're gonna be great together! I had 734 visitors on this blog over the last two months. I am thinking that if we all sent me one dollar for each time we looked at "Well In Dowd" I could have this guitar a lot sooner. Think about it. What is a dollar a day? We could all help Sally Struthers feed some ematiated kids, while she sat home eating cake and bon-bons.....lets all work together so the Dowd can achieve his dream of owning a professional quality acoustics.

Please make out your checks to:

Well In Dowd Inc.
745 Acoustic Way
New Guitarsville, NC 27609

Let's make this happen as a team people!

GO TEAM!

YEAH!

My new tattoo

2005-08-23T20:03:00.000-04:00

I've been really busy with work. I did somehow find enough time to get drunk and get a tattoo. Does anyone know anything about laser tattoo removal? I think I need to stop reading Harry Potter and getting loaded.

Enquiring minds want to know

2005-08-15T23:00:00.000-04:00

Yes, I do have a date for the wedding. I noticed on today's comments that Whiz, and Linz specifically asked for the details. I'm not going to say much at this point. I will,however, say the following.

I met up with a beautiful woman this weekend and spent the weekend having some great conversations. Ate some great food, drank some great wine. Took a long walk in a local state park. Just took the time to get to know each other. It was unexpected. sometimes I think that's the way life happens best.

She's going to be my date for Mike's wedding. I'm very much looking foward to it.Dancing drinking and laughing. Maybe seeing some old friends.

We got a live one

2005-08-15T07:03:00.000-04:00

It's way too early in the morning. I am tired, but feeling great! I just finished watching the gaggle of crows who take over the parking lot across from my apartment every morning. This weekend was perfect and more than I could ever have hoped for.

B.T.W. I would like to thank everyone who commented on my last blog. It really made me smile. Thanks. I now have a date for the wedding and am really looking forward to it.

Ya'll have a great day!

Be my guest, be my guest, made of real gorilla chest........

2005-08-09T09:51:00.000-04:00

Well, I just sent in my R.S.V.P. to my freind Mike's wedding. He invited me and a guest. So now, the problem is, I have no guest! I don't want to go alone!

Please Be My Guest!

The wedding is on Friday, September 16th in Philadelphia. I would prefer it if guys did not apply for this position. I'm open minded, but not that open minded. Ladies only.

Here's what I can offer-

A trip to Philly
A great cheesesteak at Gino's
Free room and board at the fabulous "Desmond" Hotel
An escort who will hold the door open for you and be an all around gentleman
Dancing and laughs with a fun crowd

All applicants will be considered. Thank you for your interest.

Name that poker night

2005-08-08T14:33:00.000-04:00

Well, for those of you that aren't aware yet, I have been going to these music and art jams on a regular basis. I went to one on Saturday night. It was some of the most fun I have ever had. We ran through a bunch of songs and then a friend of Alan's, this girl Beth showed up. She walked in and was not quite sure what to do. The creative energy can get pretty high in the studio. When someone new enters, it can take a moment to get into the groove.

So I stopped everything. I looked at Beth and said "Beth. I was a big geek in High School. I was also a Rockhead. Hair down to my ass, glam, trash and everything in between. But my being a geek let me learn this song. Which I will now share with you.Welcome to the party." Then I started. "Beth I hear you calling...........but I can't come home right now......." (From Kiss, for those of you who don't know. I was a huge Kiss fan growing up. I even played in a Kiss cover band for a hot second. As Gene Simmons.)

Beth just started smiling. It was fun. Then I proceeded to go through my entire repetoire of silly songs. Madonna, the Cure, Tom Petty and a medley of every power ballad ever made. played in the key of "G" (This includes "Every Rose Has it's Thorn" and "I Remember you") Beth and Jim (the other newcomer) were raving about what a great time they were having. It was fun. Beth was telling me that she couldn't describe how happy I was making her. That hse had a rough day and needed some fun. She said there was no where else in the world that she would rather be at that time. This made me feel great.

We are doing this thing live in October.While "Poker Night" works for us when refering to it. We don't feel that is what we should call it live. Just doesn't work. Here is a brief description of what will occur.

1. Four to Five artists and about three musicians will set up a long wall with canvas and paper, play sing and have fun.
2.The energy is good and it's very free spirited. We take turns painting.Everyone make a mark on the paintings. We all take turns dancing, playing drums, singing and doing whatever feels good at the moment. It's very Tribal in that respect.
3.We will be doing this every Friday in October
4. On Halloween night there will be a huge bonfire and we will burn all of the art that we made all month. Nothin is spared. No matter how much money people offer.

So there you have it in a nutshell. Calling out to all bloggies. Please post your suggested names in the comments. Ask your friends to stop by and try and name it.

Also....please post the title of your favorite silly song, and the artist. You know.....the song that is a guilty pleasure. One you shouldn't like. Mine? "Vacation" by the Go-Go's

God grant me the wisdo to accept the things that I cannot change.

2005-08-06T20:28:00.000-04:00

That's right. The wisdo! Not the wisdom! Well, sort of. One of my sillier pet peeves has to do with graffiti. Now, I don't mind graffiti in the stalls of my nearest dive bar bathroom. Nor do I mind it all that much on the walls of my hometown. I grew up in NYC in the 70's and 80's. I remember when the subway cars looked like this

So graffiti was somthing I grew up with. Some of it, not including the lame tags done with magic marker, is really cool looking.

Now here is my pet peeve. It's when someone takes the time to write some graffiti, or apoem about sitting there broken hearted, or even worse, some racist b.s. and cannot spell! Or has no sense of design.

We've been doing lots of renovations on my store. While moving some cabinets, I found the following on one of them.

Now, come on! If you are in an art store, you should at least be able to fit "wisdom" onto a given space. Hahaha.

I just found it a bit comical given the subject matter. hope your weekend is going well. Off to poker night.

Brian's interview

2005-08-06T01:27:00.000-04:00

So this will be the last interview I am granting for a bit.Unless of course some one else responds.

1) If you had to pick between Mary Ann and Ginger from Gilligan's Island for a night of guaranteed boot-knockin', who would you pick and why?

I would go with Mary Ann. Ginger was much to self centered. I think Mary Ann would be a fireball in the sack.

2) Recently, doctors in Korea have successfully cloned a dog (no, not to eat), up to now the most genetically complicated animal man has cloned. Arguably, this technology could be used in the near future to clone pets that have died for a "nominal" fee. How do you feel about this?

Whatever. I think if you can't let well enough alone, then you are just stupid. Accept change. It's a part of life. Death included.

3) If you could live without ANY consqequences for your actions for ONE day, what kind of things might you do?

Man, that is a good question. I think I might try to get with every good looking woman I see...getting slapped many times along the way. I would tell every one exactly what I think of them. Good and bad. I would also try to rob a bank. No consequences right?

4) What is the next number in this sequence: 1,1,2,3,5,8,13...?

21 Beyotch. How you like me now? the Rebel will not allow!Call me Mr S.a.t!

5) And finally, if you found a wallet in the street with $6000 in it, with ID and all, what would you REALLY do?

Keep it. Pay some bills and go on a killer Vacay!