A letter to that kicker for the Colts
Dear Mr. Vanderjagt,
Firstly, I want to congratulate you on being the most accurate kicker in NFL history. That is a great accomplishment that can never be taken away from you, unless of course you miss lots of kicks before you retire.
Secondly, I wanted to let you know that this is not a hate mail letter, like the many which I assume you have been receiving.
I hope you are not too down on yourself recently. Remember, a game is never lost on one play. If I were you, whenever you were asked about the game, I would say "Why don't you talk to Manning! He choked to!" This would engender a feeling of teamwork with your teamates!
Heck, if Jerome "The Bus" Bettis doesn't fumble the ball, you don't even have a shot at sending the game to overtime.
I think there are a few things to remember here. Your last name is not (thankfully) Norwood. That dude missed a chip shot to WIN the SuperBowl! Your gaff doesn't even come close. You guys didn't even sniff the Super Bowl.
I think the fact that your name is almost unpronounceable to most people will be in your favor.
Imagine, if you will, you, at a bar, not letting on who you are, and people start talking about all time great sports blunders. Norwood will come up, as will Buckner (Bill, first baseman for the Red Sox in 1986). You might even come up, but people will say "That kicker for the Colts" not your name, because they won't be able to pronounce it. Always look on the bright side my friend!
I would also ask you to consider the fact that you have actually done a great service to the world.
Really! Feel good about yourself! All this week, people are going to say, when things are bad, "Yeah, but it could be worse....I could be that kicker for the Colts". You're a hero when you look at it that way!
I took the liberty of reading your bio on Colts.com. I saw that you live in Canada, eh! Did you move this week, or have you been there for a while? Either way, I say, good for you! They are so concerned with Hockey up there that you are going to be waaaaay under the radar.
If all of that doesn't work, you could always change your name. I think Buddy Vanderjagt would be a dope name for a kicker. Or howabout "Boots" or "Footsie". Those are really more nicknames, but I think that using one of those would show a playful side which will no doubt help you slice through the boos at the RCA dome which you will no doubt recieve next year.
Will you still be on the team?
If you are still feeling bad in October, you should come to my birthday party. It looks like Def Leppard will be playing live.
Do you like Def Leppard? I always liked the joke "What has nine arms and sucks?" Haha! Get it?
Well, if you do like them, they will be playing. You are welcome to come on down. Maybe you guys will be playing in Charlotte at that time.
We're talking mid-October even though my birthday is at the beginning of the month. I am going to buy some chips, so the sooner you R.S.V.P. the better. If you like, for instance,Original Doritos, let me know and I will get them. I've long been a Cool Ranch man myself.
Would you please also send me a signed 8x10? If you could sign it "To my pal Tom" I would
appreciate it.
Later Buddy!
Tom
Firstly, I want to congratulate you on being the most accurate kicker in NFL history. That is a great accomplishment that can never be taken away from you, unless of course you miss lots of kicks before you retire.
Secondly, I wanted to let you know that this is not a hate mail letter, like the many which I assume you have been receiving.
I hope you are not too down on yourself recently. Remember, a game is never lost on one play. If I were you, whenever you were asked about the game, I would say "Why don't you talk to Manning! He choked to!" This would engender a feeling of teamwork with your teamates!
Heck, if Jerome "The Bus" Bettis doesn't fumble the ball, you don't even have a shot at sending the game to overtime.
I think there are a few things to remember here. Your last name is not (thankfully) Norwood. That dude missed a chip shot to WIN the SuperBowl! Your gaff doesn't even come close. You guys didn't even sniff the Super Bowl.
I think the fact that your name is almost unpronounceable to most people will be in your favor.
Imagine, if you will, you, at a bar, not letting on who you are, and people start talking about all time great sports blunders. Norwood will come up, as will Buckner (Bill, first baseman for the Red Sox in 1986). You might even come up, but people will say "That kicker for the Colts" not your name, because they won't be able to pronounce it. Always look on the bright side my friend!
I would also ask you to consider the fact that you have actually done a great service to the world.
Really! Feel good about yourself! All this week, people are going to say, when things are bad, "Yeah, but it could be worse....I could be that kicker for the Colts". You're a hero when you look at it that way!
I took the liberty of reading your bio on Colts.com. I saw that you live in Canada, eh! Did you move this week, or have you been there for a while? Either way, I say, good for you! They are so concerned with Hockey up there that you are going to be waaaaay under the radar.
If all of that doesn't work, you could always change your name. I think Buddy Vanderjagt would be a dope name for a kicker. Or howabout "Boots" or "Footsie". Those are really more nicknames, but I think that using one of those would show a playful side which will no doubt help you slice through the boos at the RCA dome which you will no doubt recieve next year.
Will you still be on the team?
If you are still feeling bad in October, you should come to my birthday party. It looks like Def Leppard will be playing live.
Do you like Def Leppard? I always liked the joke "What has nine arms and sucks?" Haha! Get it?
Well, if you do like them, they will be playing. You are welcome to come on down. Maybe you guys will be playing in Charlotte at that time.
We're talking mid-October even though my birthday is at the beginning of the month. I am going to buy some chips, so the sooner you R.S.V.P. the better. If you like, for instance,Original Doritos, let me know and I will get them. I've long been a Cool Ranch man myself.
Would you please also send me a signed 8x10? If you could sign it "To my pal Tom" I would
appreciate it.
Later Buddy!
Tom
posted by TD at 2:26 PM
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