Now there's just a rainy taste, where once was only hope.
Tonight I went out with a buddy from work and he told me the above line. I thought that this was pretty cool and I wanted to share it with y'all. Life is full of little miseries and bigger mysteries in which we all play our hands. Hope always seems to be over-shadowed in the moments which we are at our lowest. It only means that happiness and resolution are just around the corner.
I was also told that during my first month here that I was pretty damn stoic. Not much emotion and not much vocal inflection. Nor did I curse very much. I was told that my accent is starting to come out and I am getting more comfortable.
Tonight I talked about 9/11 with some people. They gave me the age old fucking line of "We ALL felt it tht day". I told them that I was very pleased that they did but that they were fucking insane if they thought for a moment that they experienced anything near whatall of us New Yorkers did. Being 15 blocks from ground zero didn't help me any.
I don't know why it is but every time someone brings that shit up I still feel a little shell shocked. I don't know what it is but I think that part of me never quite moved past that. I remember not being able to feel. Biting my arm, in the hope of feeling a sensation.No matter what I did I couldn't feel. So I drank and smoked. Not a big shock I am sure. This was worse though.Lisa, John, Mike Hewitt, Craig and crew were out almost every night of the week. Partying our lives away.
I still wish sometimes I could erase from my mind the cold stark image of a plane shaped hole in the North tower surrounded by silently fluttering papers which were twisting in the wind like so many strings of ticker tape raining down on the Yankees victory parade down The Canyon Of Heroes after yet another world series victory. Except no one was cheering this time. I remember silence before the sirens started blaring. I was never able to cry over it. Hell, most of you know me well. I am apt to cry over the silliest things. 9/11? Never. Not once. I stopped feeling.
In many ways I think that 9/11 affected me in my marriage. I think it was just about then that Nic and I started having the majority of our issues come to the surface. We all went on a drinking and partying binge that lasted well into 02&3. Nic and I would rarely go out together and started splitting up as soon as we went anywhere that we went together. She on one end of the room, me on the other.
I didn't actually start feeling right again until 04. It was then that things started slowing down and getting back to normal. I still could not go past the Trade Center site without getting all welled up, but things were a lot better. I could go to battery park city without worries, I could rollerblade the park along the river and I could chill downtown pretty easily.
I hope you all don't mind this uplifting blog entry. I'm not down about it. Just reflective. I think that life is getting better everyday. I do miss all of my friends and my home very much. Raleigh is slowly growing on me, but NYC is in my blood.
I'm not going to bother spell checking this one. I am done. be good all.
I was also told that during my first month here that I was pretty damn stoic. Not much emotion and not much vocal inflection. Nor did I curse very much. I was told that my accent is starting to come out and I am getting more comfortable.
Tonight I talked about 9/11 with some people. They gave me the age old fucking line of "We ALL felt it tht day". I told them that I was very pleased that they did but that they were fucking insane if they thought for a moment that they experienced anything near whatall of us New Yorkers did. Being 15 blocks from ground zero didn't help me any.
I don't know why it is but every time someone brings that shit up I still feel a little shell shocked. I don't know what it is but I think that part of me never quite moved past that. I remember not being able to feel. Biting my arm, in the hope of feeling a sensation.No matter what I did I couldn't feel. So I drank and smoked. Not a big shock I am sure. This was worse though.Lisa, John, Mike Hewitt, Craig and crew were out almost every night of the week. Partying our lives away.
I still wish sometimes I could erase from my mind the cold stark image of a plane shaped hole in the North tower surrounded by silently fluttering papers which were twisting in the wind like so many strings of ticker tape raining down on the Yankees victory parade down The Canyon Of Heroes after yet another world series victory. Except no one was cheering this time. I remember silence before the sirens started blaring. I was never able to cry over it. Hell, most of you know me well. I am apt to cry over the silliest things. 9/11? Never. Not once. I stopped feeling.
In many ways I think that 9/11 affected me in my marriage. I think it was just about then that Nic and I started having the majority of our issues come to the surface. We all went on a drinking and partying binge that lasted well into 02&3. Nic and I would rarely go out together and started splitting up as soon as we went anywhere that we went together. She on one end of the room, me on the other.
I didn't actually start feeling right again until 04. It was then that things started slowing down and getting back to normal. I still could not go past the Trade Center site without getting all welled up, but things were a lot better. I could go to battery park city without worries, I could rollerblade the park along the river and I could chill downtown pretty easily.
I hope you all don't mind this uplifting blog entry. I'm not down about it. Just reflective. I think that life is getting better everyday. I do miss all of my friends and my home very much. Raleigh is slowly growing on me, but NYC is in my blood.
I'm not going to bother spell checking this one. I am done. be good all.
posted by TD at 11:12 PM
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