Getting on track
BE SURE TO CHECK BACK ON VALENTINES DAY FOR A VERY SPECIAL WELL-IN-DOWD VIDEO VALENTINES MESSAGE!
What is that I want out of life? At different times it's been different things. As a kid, I think I just wanted the kids at school to be nice to me. In middle school, I wanted comic books on Fridays and later on some music. Actually, I also recall wanting to not have to travel an hour to school on the bus. In High School, I wanted some girls to like me, and to be a rockstar. After that, I just wanted different things at all times. I suppose what I really meant by that initial question is "what do I want in my romantic life?".
For me, the two have been combined for ages. Relationship=life and happiness. Right now, I am looking at my first single guy Valentines day in years. I was never a big fan of the holiday. I truly believe that if you are doing things right, it is completely unnecessary. You shouldn't need a day for flowers. Hell, you shouldn't even need a reason for flowers. No flowers after the night of passion, certainly never after a fight or a fuck up (I would be broke if I had given my ex's flowers after fuck ups) and none on the special hallmark wrapped holidays that we are all supposed to get caught up in. Like to give flowers, gifts? Give them to your loved one. My personal rule is to give flowers/gifts when you can't remember the last time you did.
With that ramble complete, I am quite happy not to partake in the whole shebang this year. I am looking at me, a bottle of wine, my new book and my pussy repellent bat spray growing on my face. I don't need anyone and am actually glad that I am not in that position most days. Given the choices that I have had, how my major relationships ended, and what those endings have required of me, I am glad to be single.
Good god, if I were to rewind to years past, I definitely know that I am better off. It's not that those relationships, or the people I was in them with were bad. So many bad choices. Selfishness, fear, arrogance, deception, and self loathing have no place in a relationship that will hold any water. I still miss some of those people daily. Some on a monthly basis. Some, I find myself tortured with dreams over. Sometimes, I wake up with in the morning, noticing that I have shifted in the night from the middle to the right side of the bed, leaving the left open for my partner, and reach over only to realize that they are no longer there and never will be again. Some people in particular I have been really pining for lately. I have had to fight the urge to reach out more, to call and say what I really think.I have to beat that shit back into submission like Ali on Liston. It's me time, but I'll be damned if I don't miss those people like the world was ending during some moments.
Like they always say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I suppose that's true. I just wish that losing didn't suck such tremendous big donkey dick. I wish I could just release the doves I held in my hand and let them fly out of sight, only to exist as a memory furthermore. I have an aching tendancy to want to get into my truck and speed up to watch the dove's flight towards the horizon.
I tuned in and watched Rachel and Brian exchange wedding vows today. I'm very happy for Rae. She is a great friend. I am really happy that she and Brian (her beau) got hitched. I believe this is Rachel's 7th wedding. As they say...lucky 7. Just kidding. A little background...Rae and Brian were H.S. sweethearts and hadn't spoken in ten years (I may be wrong about that).Rae happened to be home sometime last year and picked up the phone at her mom's house and who was it? That's right, Brian.
Today, they were married.I would post a link to the wedding video (yeah, they arranged for it to be webcast, so all their friends and family could watch) but I thought that I should ask before I do so. In their case, loving and losing finally turned out a win for two people whom, I assume, never thought they would speak again.
Either way, it was wonderful. The pastor, or whatever he was, talked about the meaning of marriage and how important it is to give of yourself. Sigh. Got me all verklempt. At least it would have if I were not a man...we dont get emotional. I am like a Vulcan on thorazine. It's amazing.
So that is what got me thinking about relationships and what they are all about. I will be damned if I really know. I do know that I want a good one some day. Someone who I love and trust. Someone who gives themselves fully to me. Who I am unafraid to be myself around. Who is willing to forgive my failings as easily as I forgive theirs. Who won't abandon me when I need them most, but will become a rock for me to hold on to. Someone whose wit astounds me, whose laugh elates me and whose nose wrinkles just a little bit when they do it.
If anyone of you who happens to read this little online journal of mine happens to have this person next to you now...hold on to them, don't fuck it up. You will regret it and will deserve everything that comes your way. Don't fuck up. Hearts are precious. Work through the hurts, communicate, don't ever go to bed angry and don't get going when the going gets tough. Dig in. The ride won't be easy, but the end resultwill be wonderful.
So to all of you lovers out there, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
To the lovers seeking lovers, may you have a great Tuesday when it comes. That's all it is.
For everyone, may your days be filled with happiness, your heart full of joy,your life free of old patterns and may love be coming for you like a frieght train around the bend...try not to jump off the tracks.
What is that I want out of life? At different times it's been different things. As a kid, I think I just wanted the kids at school to be nice to me. In middle school, I wanted comic books on Fridays and later on some music. Actually, I also recall wanting to not have to travel an hour to school on the bus. In High School, I wanted some girls to like me, and to be a rockstar. After that, I just wanted different things at all times. I suppose what I really meant by that initial question is "what do I want in my romantic life?".
For me, the two have been combined for ages. Relationship=life and happiness. Right now, I am looking at my first single guy Valentines day in years. I was never a big fan of the holiday. I truly believe that if you are doing things right, it is completely unnecessary. You shouldn't need a day for flowers. Hell, you shouldn't even need a reason for flowers. No flowers after the night of passion, certainly never after a fight or a fuck up (I would be broke if I had given my ex's flowers after fuck ups) and none on the special hallmark wrapped holidays that we are all supposed to get caught up in. Like to give flowers, gifts? Give them to your loved one. My personal rule is to give flowers/gifts when you can't remember the last time you did.
With that ramble complete, I am quite happy not to partake in the whole shebang this year. I am looking at me, a bottle of wine, my new book and my pussy repellent bat spray growing on my face. I don't need anyone and am actually glad that I am not in that position most days. Given the choices that I have had, how my major relationships ended, and what those endings have required of me, I am glad to be single.
Good god, if I were to rewind to years past, I definitely know that I am better off. It's not that those relationships, or the people I was in them with were bad. So many bad choices. Selfishness, fear, arrogance, deception, and self loathing have no place in a relationship that will hold any water. I still miss some of those people daily. Some on a monthly basis. Some, I find myself tortured with dreams over. Sometimes, I wake up with in the morning, noticing that I have shifted in the night from the middle to the right side of the bed, leaving the left open for my partner, and reach over only to realize that they are no longer there and never will be again. Some people in particular I have been really pining for lately. I have had to fight the urge to reach out more, to call and say what I really think.I have to beat that shit back into submission like Ali on Liston. It's me time, but I'll be damned if I don't miss those people like the world was ending during some moments.
Like they always say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. I suppose that's true. I just wish that losing didn't suck such tremendous big donkey dick. I wish I could just release the doves I held in my hand and let them fly out of sight, only to exist as a memory furthermore. I have an aching tendancy to want to get into my truck and speed up to watch the dove's flight towards the horizon.
I tuned in and watched Rachel and Brian exchange wedding vows today. I'm very happy for Rae. She is a great friend. I am really happy that she and Brian (her beau) got hitched. I believe this is Rachel's 7th wedding. As they say...lucky 7. Just kidding. A little background...Rae and Brian were H.S. sweethearts and hadn't spoken in ten years (I may be wrong about that).Rae happened to be home sometime last year and picked up the phone at her mom's house and who was it? That's right, Brian.
Today, they were married.I would post a link to the wedding video (yeah, they arranged for it to be webcast, so all their friends and family could watch) but I thought that I should ask before I do so. In their case, loving and losing finally turned out a win for two people whom, I assume, never thought they would speak again.
Either way, it was wonderful. The pastor, or whatever he was, talked about the meaning of marriage and how important it is to give of yourself. Sigh. Got me all verklempt. At least it would have if I were not a man...we dont get emotional. I am like a Vulcan on thorazine. It's amazing.
So that is what got me thinking about relationships and what they are all about. I will be damned if I really know. I do know that I want a good one some day. Someone who I love and trust. Someone who gives themselves fully to me. Who I am unafraid to be myself around. Who is willing to forgive my failings as easily as I forgive theirs. Who won't abandon me when I need them most, but will become a rock for me to hold on to. Someone whose wit astounds me, whose laugh elates me and whose nose wrinkles just a little bit when they do it.
If anyone of you who happens to read this little online journal of mine happens to have this person next to you now...hold on to them, don't fuck it up. You will regret it and will deserve everything that comes your way. Don't fuck up. Hearts are precious. Work through the hurts, communicate, don't ever go to bed angry and don't get going when the going gets tough. Dig in. The ride won't be easy, but the end resultwill be wonderful.
So to all of you lovers out there, HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!
To the lovers seeking lovers, may you have a great Tuesday when it comes. That's all it is.
For everyone, may your days be filled with happiness, your heart full of joy,your life free of old patterns and may love be coming for you like a frieght train around the bend...try not to jump off the tracks.
posted by TD at 7:00 PM
1 Comments:
Thanks. Happy Valentine's Day to you too.
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