A Twenty scores Twenty. *sniff*

So last night, I am out at this bar across from the state capital (Neon, Non-Wood bar, no fat jolly bartender...but good crowd, poll and darts and women) and had a great time. So someone gets to telling me about this autistic kid up in Rochester, NY.

Kids name is Jason McElwain . A senior at Greece Athena High School, He loves basketball and is the manager of his high school team. Think "mascot". This kid was the way for the coach to feel like he was doing something right by the mentally challenged. Sort of like me and a few people I have dated.

For the last game of the season, the coach decides to suit up the kid. Hoping that the score of the game would allow him to put Jason in. He made Jason one of the "twenties". What , pray tell is a "twenty" you ask?

A Twenty is a kid who only plays if his team is up by twenty points, down by twenty points, or there are twenty seconds left in the game. I was never a twenty. I was a starter on my C.Y.O. (CA-THO-LIC Youth Organization for those of you who might be wondering. That should also explain a lot about me and my various dysfunctions) team and would get mad as hell when they played me off the bench. The fact that I got tossed out of games for roughness, foul language and cursing out referees and calling them blind, shouldn't have come into play. That is another story though.

Anyhow, so the Greek Athena team does indeed get up by twenty points and the coach, seeing his opportunity as the god of the mentally deficient, points a long finger at Jason and tells him to get his basketball, definitely basketball playing ass into the game.

The kid gets in and misses his first shot by about 5 feet. Total airball. They feed him the ball again and he bricks it off of the rim. Then! This little fucker! He hits 6 THREE-POINTERS IN A ROW!!!!! Oh, and one two pointer! 20 points!!!!! This kid was hot shit. He was a state championship waiting to happen. He was a basketball savant in a candy coated autism shell.

Anyhow, I am hearing this story at this booth in the bar and can't believe it. Too good to be true right? Went home after some dj-ing, dancing and bar conversations like "If you could have any super power, what would it be" (I contended that omnipotence and living forever, like the Highlander did not equate to a super power even if you were caught up in a struggle across time in an intercontinental sword fight to the death with a Queen soundtrack to your life.By the way, Don't Stop Me Now is an all time favorite that makes me think of Christa and me.) and didn't give this kid another thought till this morning.

I was thinking what a shame it was that this kid only got to play in one game for his team. Any kid who can hit six 3-pointers, surely would have gotten some nice playing time over the course of a season. It was then that it hit me. That little fuck probably shot his little self into a buttload of cash.

I smell a movie! This is waaaaay better than Rudy or Jerry McGuire ,which I always thought was stupid. For some reason the little kid in that movie, Zellwiger's kid, freaked me out. He was a demonic little man-child in my mind. Plus would Tom Cruise pleeeeeease just come out of the closet already? Come on Tom, I know you're reading. It's okay. We will love our gay-scientologist-mission impossible hero.

They should get Matt Damon to star. I know what you're thinking, and I agree. Affleck would have a much easier time looking, and acting, autistic. Sure, he may have a leg up, but it's just got to be Matt. LOOK AT THE RESEMBLANCE!
Surely this would work. They could even give him a love interest and lines like "I'm not a smart man, but I know what love is." This would work wonderfully for me. I am going to nominate Penny Lancaster to portray the love interest. This story would then have it all plus a really hot chick. At the end they could all raise up Matt on their shoulders and Mr. Oscar, and I don't mean The Grouch, in their back pocket.

So watch the video and get the Kleenex ready. That kid sure plays a mean b-all.