Back to the undiscovered country
What a whirlwind weekend. It really was great. Drove up to NYC, had a great thanksgiving with the Fam, hit the road on Friday for Rhode Island, got together with a bunch of old friends, went so Smallbany New York, drove back to NYC.
I am looking forward to geting back home. This has been a really strange trip indeed. Part of me feels as if I was reclaiming my life, if that makes any sense. With all the emotional upheaval over the last two years, I finally feel like I am coming out of it, and that is a blessed thing indeed.
Two conversations with old friends really spurred me on this past week. If you had spoken to me in November of 2003, I would have told you that you were insane if you had told me where my life would be in November 2005. At least I think I would have said so. Some things I certainly could have predicted, and maybe would have said "Okay, I can see that happening." but for the most part? What a long strange trip it's been!
Not only for me, but for many of those close to me. Very strange. The future seems so bright right now and it is very exciting. For the first time I see the path in front of me truly starting to make sense. I've had things clouding my way over the last couple years. Me, living for others, not being true to who I am, good or bad.
I was really kind of nervous about this trip. Not knowing how I would feel about being here in NYC. When I got here though, I realized that this place will always be mine. Heartbreaks, both recent and old, friends here and gone will always be a part of me, but the future is mine alone.
Shocking moments came with friends speaking very plainly to me about the last couple years. Saying how much they disliked the way I was behaving from just about the turn of the year 2004. Not so much in the decisions that I have made, and a lot of them were poor as hell, but in the way I was acting towards all of them. Good when you have friends that will call you on it so plainly....even if it is way later than may have helped you be aware.
Talking about relationships, as all of you who read this blog often know at this point, was part of it. Come on this has been a bit of "The ex-girlfriend broke my heart and left me feeling utterly defeated and despondant as well as the fact that I still don't know how to relate to the person who truly loved me and I was married to for a decade blog". Funny how when you look back you can see so clearly the mistakes, see how the terrors of our childhoods form the people we become. How those moments spur us on, most of the time unknowingly, to hurt others, to put ourselves in bad situations and to cause ourselves pain. Not that all of that is bad, certainly anyone who takes some joy in living learned to be joyful as well. Why is it that the terrors seem to have a much more formative influence on our behaviors?
I am going to sign of from NYC now. Home is mine again. Home is also in North Carolina now. Hitting the road tomorrow morning. Off to discover more about this new path. To really shed the cocoon which I have been forming in. To explore the unknown.
With that said, I am going to take a respite from this blog. A little time off to do some personal renovations. Work a little, sing and dance a little, date a little and dare to be by myself. Chances are that I will be back. I've taken a break before, might be a week, might be a month, might be more, might be a day.Not putting a time frame on any of this, just need to conentrate elsewhere right now.If you want to know how I am, call, write or IM me. I'll shoot you all off an email when and if I return. Be good Y'all.
I leave you with some Willie Shakespeare.
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others we know not of.
I am looking forward to geting back home. This has been a really strange trip indeed. Part of me feels as if I was reclaiming my life, if that makes any sense. With all the emotional upheaval over the last two years, I finally feel like I am coming out of it, and that is a blessed thing indeed.
Two conversations with old friends really spurred me on this past week. If you had spoken to me in November of 2003, I would have told you that you were insane if you had told me where my life would be in November 2005. At least I think I would have said so. Some things I certainly could have predicted, and maybe would have said "Okay, I can see that happening." but for the most part? What a long strange trip it's been!
Not only for me, but for many of those close to me. Very strange. The future seems so bright right now and it is very exciting. For the first time I see the path in front of me truly starting to make sense. I've had things clouding my way over the last couple years. Me, living for others, not being true to who I am, good or bad.
I was really kind of nervous about this trip. Not knowing how I would feel about being here in NYC. When I got here though, I realized that this place will always be mine. Heartbreaks, both recent and old, friends here and gone will always be a part of me, but the future is mine alone.
Shocking moments came with friends speaking very plainly to me about the last couple years. Saying how much they disliked the way I was behaving from just about the turn of the year 2004. Not so much in the decisions that I have made, and a lot of them were poor as hell, but in the way I was acting towards all of them. Good when you have friends that will call you on it so plainly....even if it is way later than may have helped you be aware.
Talking about relationships, as all of you who read this blog often know at this point, was part of it. Come on this has been a bit of "The ex-girlfriend broke my heart and left me feeling utterly defeated and despondant as well as the fact that I still don't know how to relate to the person who truly loved me and I was married to for a decade blog". Funny how when you look back you can see so clearly the mistakes, see how the terrors of our childhoods form the people we become. How those moments spur us on, most of the time unknowingly, to hurt others, to put ourselves in bad situations and to cause ourselves pain. Not that all of that is bad, certainly anyone who takes some joy in living learned to be joyful as well. Why is it that the terrors seem to have a much more formative influence on our behaviors?
I am going to sign of from NYC now. Home is mine again. Home is also in North Carolina now. Hitting the road tomorrow morning. Off to discover more about this new path. To really shed the cocoon which I have been forming in. To explore the unknown.
With that said, I am going to take a respite from this blog. A little time off to do some personal renovations. Work a little, sing and dance a little, date a little and dare to be by myself. Chances are that I will be back. I've taken a break before, might be a week, might be a month, might be more, might be a day.Not putting a time frame on any of this, just need to conentrate elsewhere right now.If you want to know how I am, call, write or IM me. I'll shoot you all off an email when and if I return. Be good Y'all.
I leave you with some Willie Shakespeare.
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveler returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others we know not of.
posted by TD at 1:30 PM
6 Comments:
Use your time well, young Tom. Come by and visit when you can. I'll be checking in on you periodically. Much love and affection to you. m.
Well that's now 2 of my favorite blogfellows who are ditching...
what am I gonna read now?
Yeah, but you left the "e" off of Willie's name adrienne.
Sorry K. I need to take a break and get some things together. I have no time frame though. I think after my breakup, my publice meltdown and some of my recent self destructive behavior, I definately need to step back. Take care.
You only know that quote from Star Trek VI.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102975/
Man Mike. Does your geek level know no bounds?!?
While it is true that the Undiscovered Country is the title of the worst of all the Star Trek movies, some of us have actually read Hamlet. It's a pretty good play.
The line actually refers to death. I used it more to say that I am travceling into new territory. I carry with me all that came before and move forward. Rather than doing what I have been, which is not moving forward out of fear of that unknown path.
Recommended reading: Hamlet, any Walt Whitman, The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand (my god! It's a masterpiece!), and some Dickens...Great Expectations is a fantastic one and should be read by all in my opinion.
You've done some good reading. Read them all. Pretty good stuff. Although I was in my teens. Alas, no more. Have fun at the house warming.
Love you.
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