Holla if you hear me!!!

So I decided, upon further investigation, to let my two blog meltdowns stand as is. I have edited them, taking out the parts which I felt were filled with the most venom, the most pointedly hurtful. All in all though, I felt I had really posted something honest and true. As much as it hurt some peoples feelings, I have spent way to long pushing back my own. No more.

After reading it again, I think what I had posted had been a very good (even if filled with venom and anger) assesment of my relationships, and more importantly, of who I am. I took the posts down because I thought that I was being mean, which I was. A point that more than one person expressed to me.Upon further review, I decided that, while hurtful and sad, it was pretty damn close to the mark. Sometimes cutting to the quick hurts.

I am, as I have expressed many many times on this forum, a very imperfect man. I fuck up with a regularity which I feel is ridiculous. So much so that I think that I may be getting close to earning my masters degree in doing so. I am going to go Phi Theta Kappa and graduate Suma Cum Laude. My MFU.

With all of that said, I thought that lashing out like that was pretty pathetic. I really wanted to hurt some one. I don't tend to do that. I wrote some horrific things. Some of the analogies I used for people were terribly below the belt, even if those people don't deserve kid gloves in my opinion. Anger. It can get ya.

I've always tended to gloss over things. The tough stuff. "Yeah, I'm okay" We're a happy family, we're a happy family....me and mom and daddy! I have no time for that anymore.

I have decided to let it ride. So I re-posted them in a somewhat edited form.I took out the really maliciuous hurtful and downright mean stuff and left the main body of both posts the way they should have been at first.

One commenter on these posts said that true colors come out when going through a hard breakup. I think this was meant to try to get under my skin, make me feel bad. It didn't work, but it did give me some food for thought. True colors do come out, but from both sides. I think that breaking up with someone allows you to see their true colors, as well as highlight your own. I think that I began seeing my relationship with my ex in a whole new light. The gloss was gone and I realized the fucked up shit that I had gone through since May of 04. Now don't get this wrong. There were some pleasant moments. Some nice times and some really happy ones. Mainly, and I think that my ex would agree, they were just rest stops on the heartbreak superhighway.

So , you were right. Breakups do allow true colors to come shining through and they are not always beautiful like a rainbow. I've gone through a few breakups. Some are mutual and go well. Some are one sided and hurt like hell. Some have left me bitter, some left me sad. In the end though life has gone on. If my opinion is not appreciated, then you are welcome to not read some of these posts.

So if I am a jilted ex-lover, then so be it.Life goes on and I'll get past it. I know what I have to give the right people. My ex's know me. Good and bad. So do my friends. I am flighty, emotive, exhausting at times, caring, loyal, giving, generous, egotistical,a very bad loser and downright perfectly imperfect. I can charm my way out of a snakepit and I can be the snake. Fuck it. So what?

My blog stays. My words stay and so does my pride.