I brought my PEN-CILLLLLLLL!

Gimme something to write on man!

Month-Schmonth. The reasons for my self imposed exile from Blogville are not there right now.I had to blog. Hard habit to break. Sorta like heroin, smoking or knowing that your neighbor walks around naked all the time with their shades open and trying not to look. Actually Dave and I ran in to that particular problem years ago. The situation is made twice as hard (as the first time I said goodbye) if the neighbor is really, really hot and gives head to her boyfriend in the kitchen.

Anyhow, what have I been up to you ask? Plenty of the regular readers know a lot of this stuff already, but for those of you that don't I will let you know the following. In the last week and a half I have........

• Been making some friends.
• Earned a nickname. (if you ask what it is, I will tell. hehehe. Fun story)
  
• Kicked someone out of my apartment....and held the door for them. Funny shit.
  
• Seen Bill Malonee live. What an amazing artist. You should all check him out.
  
• Got a complete physical at the doctor's office
• Found out at that visit that my lungs were aged just 32 years (I'm only 32 for those of you who don't know that)
  
• Decided that if that was the case, I can keep smoking.
  
• Gotten an EKG taken during that visit.
• Been told that the EKG read an "Old infarction"
• Learned what an infarction is....and freaked out midly after joking with the Doc....he assured me that heartbreak and lonliness do not count towards infarction readings on an EKG.
• Decided that I should quit smoking before I have a second infarction.
  
• Played some of my songs for a group of complete strangers and got a great reaction to the songs and my voice. The word beautiful was used.
  
• Wrote a few new songs
  
• Had a few great nights
• Signed up as a volunteer with both the Make a Wish Foundation and Pcanc.
• Have taken some giant leaps towards getting my life in order.
  
• Realized though I have some very, very down moments and that I have screwed up many, many times in life, that I am a pretty nice guy, people like me and are attracted to that and that I am good at being happy, lightening the mood, making people laugh, feel better about themselves and I LIKE MYSELF when that is what I do.
• Typed some really, really long run on sentances.
  

God I fucking feel like I could scale a goddamn mountain right now. Just knowing and loving what other people see in me. I have gained some weight, the bags are leaving my eyes, I'm charming as all damn hell when I want to be, my abs and chest look better than they ever have and I'm pretty sure that if I squeezed hard enough right now that monkeys holding flowers(Stargazer Lillies of course) would come bursting out of my ass and spread sunshine all over the place....so put on a happy face. I know that makes no sense at all, but I can't do a jig on my blog.

I want to buy the world a fucking coke and teach them all to sing. Shout back at me peeps. Get your assses to Raleigh! (Oh please, please re-read that last sentance and read it in an "Ah-Nuld" voice ala Total Recall). I have a big empty apartment and time enough to party, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Later Y'all

Okay so this is sort of a blogasm here I know. IT's been so looooooooong.

Life Rocks, you all rock, I rock!
WE LOVE YOU BOISE!
GOODNIGHT!

P.S. I also found out that for some reason, spell check isn't working tonight.

Darlin I love you but give me park avenue

So I am on my way to New York City with mixed feelings dancing around in my heart like a Riverdancer on Exstacy at a Promisekeepers Convention.

I'm up way to early for being up way too late. I still haven't packed and I don't know how I am feeling about this. Part of me is dying to get back and see NYC. I miss it. Everyday.The other part? I'm not sure.

I realized yesterday, on my way home for lunch (yes folks, I live so close, that I can come home for lunch) how terribly lonely that I am down here most days. I am talking tear your heart out and rub is slowly across some sandpaper kind of lonliness. I realize that this is all within me. My choices and my path. Either way, I know that yesterday it just came to me how bad that gets for me some days.

In coming here, as good as it may turn out for me, and being aware that what I am going through right now may be good for me, I gave up just about everything that I knew. I gave up the people I love, the support system that I relied on as my net and a job that I was very comfortable in (for more on the goings on at that job, please check out Aryn's blogalicious bloggy blog) and was beginning to excel at.

Everyday down here is another punch of the clock. Did you all realize that I have been living in Raleigh for over a month now? Just a thought. I hadn't posted that before. Anyhow, less updatee, more mope-ee.

Last night I went out and stayed out. Had some fun. Closed down some bars. Talked about music and perfect albums. Bands that have made perfect albums? How bout Gun's and Roses with Appetite for Destruction, or INXS with Kick. I'm talking albums that are so good that you can never go wrong by popping it in the cd player. Others that were bandied about? Van Halen's 5150, Led Zepplin's Houses of the Holy, Eide Brickell's Shooting Rubberbands at the Stars. Those were all discussed. Some others were mentioned but I can't think of them right now. If you have one to mention.....please shoot.

Well i am going to try to get my ass motivated for packing (no, I haven't packed yet and I leave in a few hours). I want to sleep.Can't wait to be home.

Songs of the Day-LOTS OF THEM (Heard all of these last night)
Never Tear Us Apart-Inxs
I Do-Edie Brickell and The New Bohemians (This son is amazing! I love it and have for years. It still speaks very softly and eloquently what I want out of a relationship one day.In addition, and funny enough this was my wedding song with Nic.)
Why Can't This Be Love?-Van Halen (come on, you're not shocked about this choice are you?)
Surrender-Cheap Trick (Not exactly song of the day material, but what the heck, good stuff, maybe it'll get you all to hum along)
Glory Days-Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band

I am going to leave you with this final thought. I have an employee at work who I was talking to yesterday. We started talking about music. Great albums, older stuff that I thought she should listen to. Anyhow, two albums came up upon someones else's sugestion as albums she should definalteely check out. Hysteria from Def Leppard and Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet. She didn't know either album. I started going on "......yeah, you couldn't miss any Bon Jovi song in the summer of 1986" and then I realized (she is 18) "Ummmmm when were you born?" she replied "1986" Whoa! Getting older folks. Has it been that long?

See Y'all in the City

Delicious Tom Love's sandal making Jiz-am YO!

In my desperation to have my feet free once more, I have made myself a new pair of sandals. With summertime quickly approaching, now's a good time for everyone to partake of some crafts activities. It really brings to mind my days at Ten Mile River Boy Scout Camp. Making useless items out of scraps of leather and learning how to carve more useless things out of blocks of wood.

How To Make You Some PHAT-ASS Sandals Beee-yotch!

Supplies Needed

1.An old pair of sneakers (any type or brand will suffice)



An X-acto Knife (or other Cutting Utensil)



A plastic bag for scraps (in this case, from Food Lion, but any bag will do)



Optional-

Six Pack of Beer (For my project, I chose Yuenling Lager. Ice cold american beer is the way to go during the summertime. Corona works really well also.)



I assume that for some of you a nicely rolled spliff would go well with this project also. Not smoking that stuff, I don't have a pic to share. If you do....ENJOY! YOu are about to embark on a freeing journey to feel like a member of the Cosby Kids! As long as you're not Mush-Mouth(Hey-be Alber We-b Gonna Make-be sum-be sandals?)....you're good. Though, being mush-mouth after ou've had four or five drinks? Okay! On to the project-

First a word on the shoes.

I purchased these sneakers for $20 at a time when I had little money. I always shop the clearance racks for sneaker finds. Well, I should say I USED to. I thought " Hey $20 for a pair of Lugz sneakers?!? Great! I'll take em'!" So I bought the senaks, got them home and was very happy with them. About three months later, brother Dave says to me....looking inquizitively at my dogs...."Hey man, are those two different sneakers?" I looked down and noticed that I bought two slightly different shoes! THe sold me a non-pair-pair! The Fucks! Check it out. I bet you didn't realize when you looked at the first pic, that hese were two slightly different shoes








So I was upset, but that's what I got for not being observant. I figured. Hell, twenty bucks. So What right. It was at this point that I was dating Heather. I made the mistake of pointing out, to the shoe queen herself, that these were two different shoes. She was determined to get them off of my feet for good.

So this one night, she calls me up, last minute to go to a bar and meet her friend Sandra. I say okay and meet her in union Sq with the sneakers on, a half hour later. This was unacceptable. So we bought me some new shoes. we went to whatever that shoe store is across from the Virgin Megastore and perused the shoe selection. I think that, in her mind, anything in the store (including ladies) would have been a step up. we bought a pair.

I walked out of the store, with my old, mismatched sneaks in a box. I left them, instead of in the trash, in a Village Voice newspaper dispenser (Is that what you call these things?) Like this.....


(Photo credit Heather Louise)

And we went to the bar/club. After a night of debauchery, about five hours later, we were walking to the train and talked about the shoes, which were in the Voice thing, on the corner of 14th a broadway. We went back, on a goof to see if they were still there. Sure enough, there they were. Mint in the box. I grabbed them and we went home. We laughed our asses off and I still had my mismatched reminders of the power of observation.

Anyhow.....back to the project.

Step one.

Open a Yeungling



Step 2

Remove constrictive shoes and socks (come on, this is the whole point of the project folks)





WARNING-Socks may be smelly, or stinky. The Plastic bag may be helpful also if the odor is too strong. Place socks in bag, and throw away. Please do not think about shearing off your feet(I know that you may actually consider this option) if this is the case. You will need them in the future.

Step 3

Place first shoe in front of you. With the X-acto knife, cut an incision vertically across the toe section of the sneakers (figure 1).Start cutting the bee-yotch like a mo-fo! Make sure to cut deeply through all of the fabric and to pull back excess material as you go along (Figure 2). Complete incision over toes and on to the other side (Figure 3)

Figure 1



Figure 2



Figure 3



Step 4-

Continue removing the toe section of the sneakers by making a horizontal incision across the front of the sneakers removing the toe section completely




Step 5-

Drink beer by bringing to lips (figure 4)




Step 6 (optional)-Repeat step five (see figure 4)

Step 7 Remove toe section and disgard.

Step 8-Reapeat all steps on second shoe

Step 9-Try on for size. Make any adjusments nessesary




Now you're read to get it on, city style at the joint of your choice.Be meeting all the fine ladies. Catchin' the digits and going full force out into the world! Getting it on and having fun. (I thought about not posting this pic. Not my most flattering picture. Fuck it. I laughed my ass off and got many compliments on the treads)

Later Y'all

So this was the song my mom sang to me as a kid. Love this tune to this day. So I read the lyrics and I could hardly believe what I was reading. Good stuff. Then I get to the end and it devolves into a cooking show! I mean Jambalaya is good, so are crawdads and pizza. They just have no place in a song about love and fear. The ending could be anything by these standards.For instance...........

New York City
I really miss you
You stink of bumwine, pee and b.o.
All that I love's there, I'm coming this weekend
For love I'll wear a clothespin on my nose.



SEE!?!?!?!

You Are My Sunshine

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

I'll always love you
And make you happy
If you will only say the same
But if you leave me
To love another
You'll regret it all some day;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

You told me once, dear
You really loved me
And no one else could come between
But now you've left me
And love another
You have shattered all my dreams;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

Louisiana my Louisiana
the place where I was borne.
White fields of cotton
-- green fields clover,
the best fishing
and long tall corn;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.

Crawfish gumbo and jambalaya
the biggest shrimp and sugar cane,
the finest oysters
and sweet strawberries
from Toledo Bend to New Orleans;

You are my sunshine,
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away.


Isn't that ridiculous? It's like the author lost interest. A songwriter with A.D.D. Anyone want to add their own lyrics? It's Pretty easy.Gimme a ring I'll hum you the tune.hahaha.

In other news, the weather is beautiful down here and I cannot find my sandals! Arrrghhh! Anyone that may have seen them, give me a ring. Nic? Are they in the apartment? Let me know.If this keeps up I am going to have to cut up some old sneakers and start a new fashion trend. I'll post the pics here if I can't find them. This cannot go on. My feet must be free!

Blue & Gold wheat thins and a retraction

I made this entry the other day and never posted it. I really thought about not posting it. Not one of my finer moments. Funny though. Nicole said she did not remember any of this. Though, she wasn't there. I was shocked either way.

Now for a disclaimer- Lisa Thomas claims that she didn't have a drinking problem at this time. Mike, Craig, myself and John, along with Allison had major issues. She was only being social and coming along to make sure that we could all get cabs home and didn't get hurt. Thank you lisa and I apologize for the error.


Without further ado......Crackers in my undies

After 9/11 all of my friends and I went on a drinking and smoking binge the likes of which mankind had never seen before. All of us! Mike, Jo-Jo, Lisa, Allison, Craiggles,Azima, an I were out almost every night of the week. We rested on Sat and Sun. Well, at least from partying with each other, and that wasn't always true. Sometimes we met up on Sat.

We found a new bar on 7th street in the East Village, well, it wasn't new to the neighborhood. It was new to us. It was called the Blue&Gold. We went in because it had a pool table. Our first night there we stayed from after work until nearly 4 am. WE got Fuuuuuuuuuucked up. All of us. Shit-faced, Blotto like Otto, Three Sheets, F.U.B.A.R. !
Shots. Mixed drinks.Large amounts of beer. I think lisa fell asleep at the table. WEll, that could have been one of many times that we went out during that period. It all kind of blended together after a while. Sorta like my twenties when I was dating Mary Jane and drinking tea all the time.

At 4 we got kicked out and got our cabs home to the outter boroughs. I stumbleed in my door at Norman st. I somehow managed to get the key into the lock and walked to my partment door in a semi retarded drunken wobble. I had my hand out in front of me for balance. Swishing too and fro, having to pee and hungry as hell, and wanting to eat to settle my stomach, which I think was busy trying to churn the beer, whisky, and no doubt Jaeger Meister into butter.

I got into my apartment and made a bee-line for the kitchen where the first thing I saw was a box of Wheat Thins. I grabbed the box and held it in my arms like a lover coming back from the war. Cradling my precious delectible delight, I decided that I should satify my other urge and urinate A.S.A.P. . Not wanting to let go of my Wheat thins, I brought them with me to the bathroom. Killing two birds with one stone.

I got to the toilet and had to relieve myself sitting down. I had no interest in trying to aim. So I pulled my pants down to my ankles and sat my drunk ass down, still holding the Wheat things.As I was relieving myself, I finally remebered that I wanted to eat the crackers. I daintly opend the box and removed one cracker. Planning on inserting into my mouth for consumption, I pressed it into my cheek, missing my mouth completley and dropping it onto the floor. I looked for a moment and began trying to eat another, dropping cracker after cracker into my pants, around my toilet and getting one into my mouth now and again. When I did get one into my mouth it was a big chore to chew it. I was all dehydrated. Chewing looked something like Tom hanks eating the caviar in "Big" or like your childhood dog with a wad of peanut butter stuck to the top of his mouth. I got more cracker into my underpants than I did onto my tongue.I decided to take off my pants rather than to remove the crackers from them.

I then promptly slipped into bed with my wife. She was lucky I think now, looking back, to have such a sexy guy come home to her, smelling like booze.hahaha. I passed out and drifted off to dreamy land.

The next mornin, I woke up and Nic asked me if I had been eating in the bathroom. I said "I think so, why?". "Because your pants are in the bathroom, filled with Wheat Thins and the box is on it's side next to the toilet. Also, there is a three foot ring of crackers around the toilet. What time did you get home?"

So that's it. Well all made it to work on time the next day and went back out that night. We were on a post-traumatic tear. That was maybe my best, way-too-drunk night.

Lazing on a Sunday afternoon

Well, I had the day off. Finally. I woke up at 10 am. That needs to be a record. I haven't slept int that late since god knows when. I decided to go for a ride this morning. I hopped in the car and started driving.

I went to a little coffee shop called Third Place in an area called five points. It's next to this great little pizza shop and surrounded by all kinds of antique dealers, health food places and the place I am going to try some more yoga this evening I think.



I sat and read the book I am in the middle of. "The Five People You Meet When You Go To Heaven". It's an interesting, and easy, light read. If you are in any reflective phase in your life I would recommend it.

I took a short walk around the hood. Tree lined streets, beautiful houses. A very nice neighborhood.

I got in the car with the intention of going home, but ended up getting on the highway. The first sign I saw said "Durham". Being that it was the only part of the "Triangle" that I haven't seen as of this morning (Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill make up the triangle) I decided to give it a go. Boy is that place a shit hole. A nice shit hole, mind you, but a shit hole anyhow. Tons of boarded up stores. Not even an open convenience sotre in the area.

On the way there I stopped by a Harley Dealership. I checked out a couple cycles. I am now thinking about taking some lessons in riding. I am not sure that owning a bike is even for me. I would like to know how to ride one though. It felt pretty cool sitting on one. First step? Learn how to not kill myself immediately. Looked into it and am going to go by the local dealership tomorrow after breakfast with Pierre (a business contact, who was pleased with the limited French I spoke to him yesterday) and find out the specifics on the lessons.

I went to the Durham Arts Council building. It was pretty cool. It was full of Indians today, which is probably why all of the local convenience sotres were inconvieniently closed on this Sunday (ouch, that was bad! Hey, the crack would have been about the local chinese food restaurants if that's what I was looking for and the D.A.C. was full of Asians)There was some amazing art in the place. GD do I love that! Ellen Faircloth's stuff really affected me. I thought it was just phenomenal stuff.The one below took my breath away. WOW!




Pretty amazing huh?

So I cruised by Duke U. Interesting. Nice old campus. This town pales in comparison to Chapel Hill though. On my way home I stopped by the local state park (that's right folks LOCAL state park) and walked around for a bit. It was a beautiful day.

That's all I have right now. I am debating whether or not to post the "Wheat Thins" story. Going to pray on it for a bit. I also can't decide which pic to post next, me with even longer hair, in the Pittsburgh Hippie days, or me at my first gig when I was 14. Back in time or forward in time peeps? What do you think?

Well, off to go twist myself into a knot.
See Y'all later

Menage a Trois

HREE NAMES YOU GO BY:
1. Tom
2. Tommy
3. Thomas (I know, not very exciting, I left out Sean, cause I don't go by that)

THREE SCREEN NAMES YOU HAVE HAD:
1. Greatplenum
2. neaslures
3. motsfine

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My waist
2. Stomach
3. Eyes

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. My scar
2. My Height, I would love to be just a bit shorter
3. adams apple

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. POLISH!!!
2. Irish
3. German (Man I didn't even have to change this from Holley's blog....freaky!)

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being the old single guy whom nobody loves
2. Failure
3.Fucking Aliens. They freak me out. Not that I have ever seen them thank god.

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1.Music with good lyrics
2. Laughter
3. Smiling

THREE THINGS YOU’RE WEARING NOW:
1. Faded blue Jeans
2.Blue, green&tan striped H&M shirt
3. Black boxer briefs (also H&M)

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE BANDS OR MUSICAL ARTIST
1. Van Halen (I know, this doesn't really fit my "good lyrics" criteria, but the are my all time fav)
2. Sinatra
3. Queen

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE SONGS
1. When It's Love/Mean Streets (I know that's cheating, but I need to include one Sam and one Dave)
2. The Way You Look Tonight(My favorite Sinatra song)
3. Just like Heaven (Heard it at the bar tonight)

THREE THINGS YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP:
1. Communication
2. Equality
3. Passion

TWO TRUTHS AND A LIE: (Which is a lie?)
1. I have fallen in love four times in my life
2. I have been to a whorehouse
3. I wake up without an alarm clock

THREE PHYSICAL THINGS ABOUT THE PREFERRED SEX THAT APPEAL TO YOU:
1. Feeling eyes
2. Smile that makes me melt from across the room
3.Intelligence

THREE OF YOUR FAVORITE HOBBIES:
1. Song writing
2.Drawing
3.Conversing

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO REALLY BADLY RIGHT NOW:
1. To Go back to Paris (There was a lady in the store today who was talking to me about it. And then Pierre came in and we talked about it. Sigh)
2. Paint my masterpiece
3. Go to sleep

THREE CAREERS YOU’RE CONSIDERING:
1. Operations coordinator (wow that is a fancy title that means nothing)
2. Artist
3. Musician

THREE PLACES YOU WANT TO GO ON VACATION:
1. Rome
2. Amsterdam
3. St. Croix

THREE KIDS NAMES YOU LIKE:
1. Mayuri (Little Butterfly in hindi)
2. Lily(Copied this from Holly also, but it's true)
3. Michael

THREE THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE:
1. Be a Father
2.Experience true love
3.Sing the National Anthem at a sporting event

THREE WAYS THAT YOU ARE STEREOTYPICALLY A GIRL/BOY:
1. I'm Ultra competative/Hate to lose
2. Drink beer while watching sports
3. I am proud of my penis

THREE CELEBRITY CRUSHES
1. Jennifer Saunders
2. Angelina Jolie
3.Kevin Bacon (Those eyes......they're beautiful!)

THREE PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO TAKE THIS QUIZ NOW:
1. Nic
2. Rachel
3.Laura

Grandma's love me, even though I'm god's lonely man

At the end of the night tonight a little old woman knocked on the door of the store. I was in the office, closing up shop and getting everything together. She asked one of my employees to speak to the manager. I walked up and she told me that she only wanted three sheets of pink posterboard. I told her that we were shut down for the evening and tht we would open again in the morning. She looked at me like I was the creeping death coming for her first born son. So I told her that I could sell it to her if she left me her credit card info and I would charge her in the morning. She thanked me up and down, On the way out the door, she gave me a big hug, and goddamn did I need it. She said "Thank you so much. You're a really nice guy" I asked her to take a pic with me. Check it out.



I came home after that and had a convo with an good friend. We said farewell for a bit. I'm an emotional guy. I always have been. It's hard for me some days to reign that in. Even when asked to. It can be an endearing and exhausting all at the same time. Ask anyone who knows me. God, Ask Nic. I'll love you big. I'll have your back. I'll be ready to eat the eyes out of the dead skull of anyone who would dare fuck with one of my loved ones. the other side of that is that I will also drive you up the fucking wall talking in circles and trying to get what I want to happen. Oh fucking well.

So today I had someone come into the store and start talking 9/11 shit to me again. I am getting really tired of this. Why the fuck this is all coming up so much I don't know. I told the poor woman that seeing someone jump down out of the Towers on fire was not fun. That shut her up. I then wished her a good day and asked her to come again soon.

I went out to First Friday tonight. This is an event they do monthly (two points to who knows when) here in Raleigh. All of the Galleries are open until 10 pm. WQe went out after that. I got together with my buddy G.A.S. ( I think that his intials are funny and I chuckle to myself about them) and his gf. Boy could she ever talk. Had me cracking up all night. One long train of thought. "WellIslwaysthoughtthatitwouldbecooltobeadoctor.Ilikeknowinghoweverything
works.Iusedtothinkaboutbeingatherapistbuthenithoughtthatit
wouldlbeprettydepressing.Imean,howcouldInotbringallofthathomewithme.
Allthoseproblems?Ithoughtaboutbeingamarriagecounselorbut
thatneverworksanyway.Oncearealationshipisathepointoftherapythereisnohope.
Onlydreamsandholdingontosomethingthatwasneverreallytheretobegingwith.
KnowwhatImean?"

Whew. I started looking around.Somebody Help me!She was really nice though and it was fun to talk to her.ThoughI have to say, she ALSO wanted to talk 9/11 to me.

That convo took place after we all met up at the Glance Gallery.
The Glance is the coolest Gallery in Raleigh and the owners are pretty damn nice. My favorite piece in the current show was Called "God's Lonely Man" I would buy this thing if I could. It really shows how I have been feeling lately.



Had a really nice night and it managed to keep my mind off of the extreme lonliness I feel in my heart at this moment.

On Thursday June 2nd Slippery When Wet, A Bon Jovi Tribute will be coming to town and doing a big free concert. I invite anyone to join me in attending. It's gonna be fun! I IMPLORE YOU to listen to the sound clips on their website! OMG! Too Hilarious! I cracked up hearing it! "Once upon a time.....not so long ago". This guy needs to drink more whisky and smoke a few camels to get that scratchy throated Jon Bon Jovi throaty growl. I gotta give em props for dressing up like that guy from two posts ago though. Freaks!

Songs of the Day-

Always-Bon Jovi (Thanks to Ms Laura Lee)
Bizarre Love Triangle-New Order (Thanks Ms Lisa Meridew)
Animal (I F**K Like A Beast)-W.A.S.P. (Thanks Ms. Lindsay Hill)

See Y'all later

P.S. So I actually used the word Y'all today for the first fucking time. I hate myself for it. Fucking south!

The next blog entry? Two words-Wheat Thins!

Biker Shorts!

Nuff Said

Has anyone seen this punk?

I don't know who hacked into my blogger account and typed in that uplifting blog entry last night, but if I find out who you are I am going to get you! That is messed up!

So in the interest of making this a little more fun, I have scanned in a picture of some long-haired punk circa 1991.






This kid was known for his love of rock-n-roll (please note the New York Dolls T-Shirt), stylish dress (please again see the New york Dolls T-shirt, cut down the sides to show off the 6'5", 189 lb. emaciated Rock and roll, Steven Tyler-on-coke-esque physique. Note on the dress, this same kid later owned a pair of pants with no sides to them. That's right, split up the side, which meant no underwear and they were skin tight! ) and boisterous behavior. He was, after all, a rockstar in his mind. hahahaha.

This Pic was taken on my friend Pete's front stoop sometime in 90 or 91.I don't tend to bust out the old pics, but I thought this was just hilarious. I encourage all others to post an old pic on their blog if they can. Hairdos, dress and fun.

Songs of the day-

In Keeping with the theme-

Skid Row-Makin' a Mess (HAHAHA, Those are some deep fucking lyrics!)
New York Dolls-Looking for a Kiss
Metallica-Jump in the Fi-Yah(Fire) (Can anyone please explain why I found this song so cool when I was 17? The riff is awesome, but what the hell do those lyrics mean?)
Poison-I Won't Forget You ("Every Rose" Would have been too easy. Not metioning a Poison song here would have been a travesty. This song, and these Lyrics are very "Song Of the Day" I think that this one holds up pretty well, as power ballads go)

I could go on forever with 80's and 90's metal songs. I don't listen to any of it anymore except for Van Halen. Well folks, that's all for now. Going to get ready for work. I only have an hour left. I really need to learn how to sleep in and use the snooze button more effectively. The punk you see above? He could sleep till 3 p.m. , and did on many occasions.

Now there's just a rainy taste, where once was only hope.

Tonight I went out with a buddy from work and he told me the above line. I thought that this was pretty cool and I wanted to share it with y'all. Life is full of little miseries and bigger mysteries in which we all play our hands. Hope always seems to be over-shadowed in the moments which we are at our lowest. It only means that happiness and resolution are just around the corner.

I was also told that during my first month here that I was pretty damn stoic. Not much emotion and not much vocal inflection. Nor did I curse very much. I was told that my accent is starting to come out and I am getting more comfortable.

Tonight I talked about 9/11 with some people. They gave me the age old fucking line of "We ALL felt it tht day". I told them that I was very pleased that they did but that they were fucking insane if they thought for a moment that they experienced anything near whatall of us New Yorkers did. Being 15 blocks from ground zero didn't help me any.

I don't know why it is but every time someone brings that shit up I still feel a little shell shocked. I don't know what it is but I think that part of me never quite moved past that. I remember not being able to feel. Biting my arm, in the hope of feeling a sensation.No matter what I did I couldn't feel. So I drank and smoked. Not a big shock I am sure. This was worse though.Lisa, John, Mike Hewitt, Craig and crew were out almost every night of the week. Partying our lives away.

I still wish sometimes I could erase from my mind the cold stark image of a plane shaped hole in the North tower surrounded by silently fluttering papers which were twisting in the wind like so many strings of ticker tape raining down on the Yankees victory parade down The Canyon Of Heroes after yet another world series victory. Except no one was cheering this time. I remember silence before the sirens started blaring. I was never able to cry over it. Hell, most of you know me well. I am apt to cry over the silliest things. 9/11? Never. Not once. I stopped feeling.

In many ways I think that 9/11 affected me in my marriage. I think it was just about then that Nic and I started having the majority of our issues come to the surface. We all went on a drinking and partying binge that lasted well into 02&3. Nic and I would rarely go out together and started splitting up as soon as we went anywhere that we went together. She on one end of the room, me on the other.

I didn't actually start feeling right again until 04. It was then that things started slowing down and getting back to normal. I still could not go past the Trade Center site without getting all welled up, but things were a lot better. I could go to battery park city without worries, I could rollerblade the park along the river and I could chill downtown pretty easily.

I hope you all don't mind this uplifting blog entry. I'm not down about it. Just reflective. I think that life is getting better everyday. I do miss all of my friends and my home very much. Raleigh is slowly growing on me, but NYC is in my blood.

I'm not going to bother spell checking this one. I am done. be good all.

Cylco Sluts From Hell....or....Down on the Corner with a Dobro...or...Who is buried in Grant's Tomb? Tom Dowd!...or...Bitches on Medication, part two

So I want to thank you all so very much for posting comments here. I really can't express how good that made me feel. I have been feeling so down these last few days, for the most part. I think I just miss having people to get together with on a daily basis. Your comments really lifted my spirits and made feel not so all alone in a time when I am really feeling that way.

So on to my various posts.

Cylclo Sluts from Hell

My back is still fucking killing me. Enormous amounts of muscle relaxants have helped though. Today I had to pop a pill to get me through. I am thinking about going to the acupunturist, see if that helps at all. I may end up looking like Eddie Murphy in the Nutty Professor, when he still wants to eat even though he has almost a billion needles in his body.If it helps, I'm all about it. I can't take too much more of this shit. Maybe I need to just get me a nice comfy computer chair. That might help. Especially if I am going to be constantly sitting my ass down in front of the screen.

Down on the corner with a Dobro

Today was a very quiet day at work. Slow! Dreadfully slow! So at about 4p.m. this guy comes walking in the store with a dobro on his back Ritchie Valens style. I talked to him for a bit. As he was checking out, he offered to play us a song."Down On The Corner" from Credence Clearwater Revival. It was great. Everything stopped for about three minutes. Everyone, customers, employees all just listening and clapping to the backbeat It was a whole lot of fun.I couldn't help but to take out the handy picture-phone and snap a shot Just a really nice moment. One that you're glad you had. This sort of stuff never happened in NYC. It just couldn't. Life and the pace here are much slower.





So my props to Mike V For his witty comment. I have no idea where he found this shit! It made me laugh Mike. What the hell made you think to compare me to GRANT!?! I must point out that there are some major errors here.

For instance- In 1869, he had a pool table installed in the White House and became addicted to the game, which he had learned in Detroit in 1849. He was an aggressive, though not terribly gifted player and according to the White House butler, "he didn't like to lose."

this one I know we can all agree on. I never mind losing and am a terribly gifted pool player.

I don't smoke that much

I don't drink too much

I am a true loner

(okay so I got lazy with this post. but I just couldn't cut and paste that much. Check it out. You'll see how little I am like this man.)

Bitches on Medication Part Two

Crazy called up today. He was in the store yesterday. For those of you who don't recall, please see my March archives and the post titled Stay on medication. Crazy called up today to complain about the poor treatment that he received in the store yesterday. Apparently one of the employees asked him to leave. Now Crazy in person is one thing. Crazy on the phone is a whole new barrel of laughs. I knew who it was as soon as he started going on about how much he likes and buys books from our shop and how much he enjoys the experience of shopping there. Yesterday was no good though. I assured him that the employee in question will be reprimanded. It took me almost five minutes to get to that point though. The man is seriously out of his mind.

Well, there you have it folks. Thanks again to Rae, Kel, Mike, Linz and Brotha Dave for their continuing comments. I miss you all and you have ALL put a smile on my face recently.

Seriously though, I need to thank Kelvin most of all. For being the friend he is. For those of you who cannot count Kelvin among your nearest and dearest, I wish you could. Staying up late and talking, drinking and dancing. I always thought of him with the name Sean. My middle name for those who don't know it. Kel, you're the best.Thanks

See Y'all later (Oh, BTW, I found myself actually using the word y'all the other day. UGH! I stopped it in my throat and forced it back down.)

Songs of the Day-
Down on the Corner-CCR
Your Song-Sir Elton John
Ants Marching-Dave Matthews
Mean Streets-Van Halen

Record breaker with the spotless mind

Well, I had the best day! Actually it sucked for 90% of it.

I woke up with a backache. A bad one. My lower back feels as if it has two long knives stuck into it. I am in pain. I was in a terribly foul mood all day. I had Bobo back and he was irritating the hell out of me. I just wasn't in the mood to deal with anyone and all I wanted to do was lay on my back and take cyclobenzaprine to try to relax my muscles.I think my prescription is too old. It is not working anymore.

I had a long conversation about relationships (my favorite topic these days) with someone early this morning. About how lately I have felt a bit like Jim Carrey. Now, no I am not contorting my face and over acting. I mean like him in "The Truman Show" where he realizes that his life has been a fantasy and none of it was real. Also carrying on with the Carrey theme here is the fact that I also feel a bit like Joel in "The Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, except that all that is disappearing in my head are the good moments that I have spent. Only the pain and the bad remaining. It's as if I was able to stop the Doctor, after I changed my mind and the kids had sex above me on the bed while another punk was stealing my girlfriend, but they had only gotten halfway done with the procedure. If you haven't checked out E.S.O.T.S.M. yet.....Do rent it immediately. It is required viewing.

I then got some junkmail at the store with Heather's name on it. How that works out I do not know. Not exactly what I needed to be seeing today. Thought about calling her and saying "WTF!?! What are you trying to do to me?"and laughing about it. I had to just shake my head.

So after this rotten,miserably sucking ass day was almost through, I got and email from the president of my company. It seems that this month I was able to shatter all previous company sales growth records! ALL FUCKING RIGHT! There has never been a growth as high as the one I recorded in the history of this company! Not even close. So I come home today feeling high. This morning I had written this awful blog post all about relationships and how tough they are. At 9a.m. that was what I was thinking about.It went something like this.....

"I have been treating my heart like a hunk of cheddar against the cheese grater of love." and "I will be damned if I ever fall in love again. The orderlies will have to straight jacket me and drag me down the hall, screaming in terror and looking back at the camera like a kid in a horror movie, to the padded room of eternal love" (Though, if that happens I want it to be the "Dis-Orderlies" haha) and finally, lamenting on the fact that I have made some big mistakes in my life.

I think these edits are much better than the original. Anyone else out there have about 50 blog drafts in their account?

But now......Party Fucking time!If this trend continues, I am going to have a great year, get to pay off all of my debts, go to Rome or Barcelona in the fall (maybe Paris again, but I've been there and I don't think I could do that again for a while), and still have time to skydive and save some cash. Oh, and I am going to Las Vegas this summer! I am very excited about how this is going for me.

Oh and a final note. How stupid is it that Blogger's spell check does not contain the word BLOG! That is stupidity at it's very best.

One final-final note. Can someone please explain to me why I cannot change the colors of my fonts anymore? There is no option on the posting "Create" screen any longer.I seem to remember there being a popup window on the bar. It's gone now. I have tried to find out through the help center, but I have received, well, no help. I am tired of having such a boring looking blog.

See Y'all later

P.S. The muscle relaxant has now kicked in. I guess that stuff keeps pretty darn well. WOOOOOOO! My god. I feel good. Da-na-Na-na-nana-Na. How good? So good. I got you!

P.P.S. Hey I found these lyrics and wanted to post them

Social Distortion-I Was Wrong
Oh, when I was young
I was so full of fear
I hid behind anger, held back the tears
It was me against the world
I was sure that I'd win
But the world fought back, punished me for my sins
I felt so alone
So insecure
I blamed you instead, made sure I was heard
And they tried to warn me
Of my evil ways
But I wouldn't hear what they had to say
I was wrong
Self destruction's got me again
I was wrong
I realize now that I was wrong

And I think about my loves
Well, I've had a few
Well, I'm sorry that I hurt them
Did I hurt you too?
I took what I wanted
Put my heart on the shelf
But how can you love me when you don't love yourself?
It was me against the world
I was sure that I'd win
The world fought back, punished me for my sins
And they tried to warn me
Of my evil ways
But I couldn't hear what they had to say

I was wrong
Self destruction's got me again
I was wrong
I realize now that I was wrong
I was wrong, yeah
I was wrong

I grew up fast
And I grew up hard
Something was wrong from the very start
I was fighting everybody
I was fighting everything
But the only one that I hurt was me
I got society's blood running down my face
Somebody help me get outta this place
How could someone's bad luck last so long?
Until I realized that I was wrong

I was wrong
Self destruction's got me again
I was wrong
I realize now that I was wrong
I was wrong
Self destruction's got me again
I was wrong
The only moment that I was me
I was wrong

So there you have it. My entry for today is complete. I must stop this on again off again blogging thing. Just save the post till I am done.

Get on the bus Waldo

Oh, wow, man, I said
Wait a second, man
What do you think the teacher's gonna look like this year?
Fuck man!
Uh!
Oh yeah!

T-T-teacher stop that screamin'
Teacher don't you see?
Don't wanna be no uptown fool
Maybe I should go to hell
But I am doing well
Teacher needs to see me after school

I think of all the education that I've missed
But then my homework was never quite like this!

Ow! Got it bad,
Got it bad,
Got it bad,
I'm hot for teacher!
I've got it bad, so bad
I'm hot for teacher!

Hey, I heard you missed us
We're back! (Hey!)
I brought my pencil
Give me something to write on, man!
Whoa

Uh!

Ooo-oo-ooo

I heard about your lessons
but lessons are so cold
I didn't know about this school
Little girl from Cherry Lawn
How can you be so bold?
How did you know that golden rule?

I think of all the education that I've missed
But then my homework was never quite like this!

Whoa! Got it bad,
Got it bad,
Got it bad,
I'm hot for teacher!
I've got it bad, so bad
I'm hot for teacher!

Whoa!
(Guitar Solo)

Oh man, I think the clock is slow
(What are you doin' this weekend?) I don't feel tardy
Class dismissed!
Ooh-yeah!

I've got it bad,
Got it bad,
Got it bad,
I'm hot for teacher!

Whoa!
Oh! Ooh, yes I'm hot
Wow!

Oh My God!
Woooooo!

Thought some Van Halen might brighten everyone's day. Sing along. You all know it. May it be stuck in your head all day.

Oliver Twist....or....Twisted like a Sister

I took my second yoga class today. I don't know if I mentioned that in a previous post. I would say that it is cool. Cool being the one word that I use to describe just about anything I enjoy. But this, I cannot. It is freakin' hot! It's bikram yoga. Which, for those of you who are not familiar with yoga, is when there is a heater in the room and it's about 100 degrees! I mean, there is just sweat pouring off of you.

After an hour and a half of twisting yourself, like a piece of dough about to be born again as a pretzel,like a 100 foot phone cord in a woman's kitchen or like the rope swing that you rode in the woods as a kid, unless of course you grew up in Queens, NYC in which case a better analogy would be, twist yourself like two shoes tied together and thrown over a telephone wire, even a hot shower feels like a cold splash of water.It also makes you post lots of run on sentences in your blog. The effects on your body are pretty amazing though. I think I may get as good a workout doing this as I did when I was practicing Tae Kwon Do. I imagine that if I were trying to lose weight (as opposed to gaining it, which is what I am trying to do right now) this would be an awesome way to do it. Also, the calming aspects of yoga are fantastic. It's concentration and meditation at the same time, which I find strange, yet nice.

In addition Yoga includes one of my favorite things, which is seeing sweaty women contorted into strange positions. I am usually concentrating on myself but during the breaks it is hard not to notice that there are some mighty fine women in the room. Thank god my mind has no time to drift. I am wearing biking shorts that leave little to the imagination. It would be bad to tent them during some god forsaken standing pose, getting ready to be twisted like George Michael singing about women, when the instructor is says "Tom....Hips out, spine back, breath........OMG did you bring a saber to class?!?" (I had to say saber, my manliness wouldn't allow me to type "Pen Knife" or "banana")

Well that is all for this twisted entry. I need to get ready for tonight. I am going out. Gotta get ready soon.

Songs of the day (just for fun, I encourage all of you to add your own songs on within the theme to your comments. Mine are obviously the two lame one's that we all know. It's my blog. I get to be lazy.)

The Twist-Chubby Checker
Twist and Shout-The Beatles

I'm working double time on the seduction line

Last night I painted the town red with a new friend. We hit a few really good places. Started out at a piano bar. Very canned ridiculous cover songs with dueling pianos. ACDC's you shook me all night long was a highlight. That song reminds me of dicovering my pre-pubescent feelings for women ("Mmmmmm.....Tommy like girl on mechanical bull") and just a lot of fun nights. Ventured to a few other spots. Sang, danced, laughed and had some of the most interesting, funny and honest conversations about dating and life that I think I have ever had. Plus, and you should all be proud of me, I took a cab. No drinking and driving for Tommy boy!

So what is it about chemistry between two people? I've been in relationships that were all chemistry, so much I couldn't keep my head on straight. I have never really done the whole dating thing before, which I think is very normal. When you go out with more that one person, nothing serious and just have fun. Isn't the chemistry the most important thing. That you look at someone and are excited by them? I'm not just talking sexually here either. Is the freindship the most important thing? I'm not really sure.

Thoughts people?

Well, I get the pleasure of going to work today. Yuck! I usually have Sundays off. Things are going really great for me at work right now though. So good times!

Open letter to Dave (since I am too lazy to post a comment) -I was pretty excited about the memory stick also. I will definately touch ass the next time it is offered.