Treat, your children well........

I really like kids. I find it funny that in my adult life, I have never been further away from having any of my own, yet I know that I really want to have them someday. Last night I went by Jaz' place. He, Jason and I got talking about some fun stuff. We were talking about my job for a little bit. Not the job itself but one of the thing s that I really love about it.

I love when parents (or aunt's, uncle's grandparents) come in with their kids. Well, I should say that I love when they come in FOR the kid. It makes me feel great. One thing that I will always remember fondly of my childhood is the fact that my mom and dad were always throwing a sketch pad, pastels or something else in my lap. This was from an early age also. I remember mixing up powdered tempera paint with my mom as a kid. I also remember mom and dad bringing me to Pearl Paint on Canal St in NYC. Little did I know then that Pearl would be a place I would give my blood sweat and tears to for 4 years of my life when I was 27.

So when parents come in with their kids, they are my folks bringing me to the art store. I go out of my way to make sure the kids have a great time. It is my mission.

I usually approach the parent asking if they need any help. They usually reply with something like "My Daughter likes to paint in oils, we'd like to get a new set" It is at this point I usually stop talking to the folks. I like to address the kids as the artist.Empowering them. Yesterday we had a mom in who wanted to do all the talking for her way too quiet daughter. I started talking to the kid. "Wow that's great! What kind of cartoons do you like to draw?!" The kid just starts lighting up and going on about what she liked to do.I hooked her up with a pad and some new markers because she had been using ball point pen (OH! THE HORROR!). It was fun!

A few months back this woman comes in with her niece from Tampa. Her niece was SOOOOOOO excited. I came up and greeted them. The Aunt gave me the story and the kid, with these bigger saucer eyes, like a mid-western tourist in Times Square for the first time, says "THIS PLACE IS GREAT! There's so much paint! I want to buy all of it!" She was so thrilled, I got excited. Actually, as I type this I am thinking that maybe If I ever have a daughter, she will be able to play me like the devil played his fiddle in that "Georgia" song.

So this kid had been given something like $20 dollars to spend on art supplies. She was asking me questions. What does this do? How can I make it look that way?". It was so cute. Anyway. I led her to all the really good deals, made sure to give her some of the free giveaways that usually have lying around. She kept saying things like "WOW! THANKS!" It made me laugh. Her Aunt kept thanking me. Now, her Aunt is this really cool woman from Chicago, who has been going through some of the same things as myself in terms of adjusting. She is a regular customer with us now. She came in the other day and said that her niece wanted told her to say hello.We talked for a bit. It made me feel really good. Even though this kid will probably not remember me in 10 years. I helped. I am the Blue man waiting in heaven.(Two points for the person who can name where that reference came from)

I like affecting lives. No matter what age people are.It's probably what I liked about working for the NYC Board of Ed. I will never forget Melissa. She was a little first grader whom I worked with. Darcy, the teacher I was working with, gave me a small group of the lowest performing students to have a reading group with everyday. This kid couldn't read a thing! I will never to be able to forget the thrilled look on her face when she read "hop....ON....p....p.....pop". She was so excited. Years later I spoke to my friend Gina. Melissa had gone on to the top classes in the school. Reading like a champ. I affected that and will always carry that with me.

I just wanted to share one of the things that makes me really feel good with everyone. I know that many of you have been down lately. We all need a moment from the storm sometimes. I just want you to know that you are on my mind, and I hope that I am on yours and that thought makes you smile. I am probably dancing around singing in a silly way. Come on. You can see it can't you? Laugh already. Life is good.

Miss Y'all

Record, Rex-Kwon-Do, Record!

This was the weirdest 24 I have had in a while.

I broke the previous one day sales record for my store on Friday! Woo-hoo! This was not the all time record (I am going to grind that into dust this fall) but the record for this year so far. I was thrilled.

I followed up that great day by going by Alan's place for his house warming party. He got a keg of good beer. We all sat and drank and had a good time. It seemed like it was going to be a big sausage fest. Thankfully the ladies arrived. Whew. Even though I have no interest in dating, loving of bedding down anyone at this particular moment in time, I like being around women.Doug and Carrie showed up early. They are a really great couple. Meg, Jason's GF showed up later in the night and Little M and the two Amy's showed up later. My assistant, John, showed up and so did Joe. There were a bunch of guitars on hand and everyone started playing. Good times!

So, as most of you know, I am a Second Dan purple Belt in Tae Kwon Do. I don't use it much, but it is a good thing to know. Keeps trouble away. The problem is, that the training can kick in at a moments notice. I don't usually realize how ingrained in me it is, I don't really practice anymore. For instance, a month ago, when I went to visit Cox in VA, her friend ran up behind us and jumped on Erinn's back. Well, I heard her coming and as she jumped on Erinn, I reared back into strike position, scaring the shit out of her friend who was all of five-foot nothing.

I also have a mean, mama bear thing going on. For anyone in my life, but especially for women. When I used to walk at night in NYC, I used to always put myself between my GF's and the street and then would switch sides to place myself between them and any crazy people who were approaching.

Why is this important you ask? Well, last night, Doug and I were playing a song, I think it was Just Like Heaven, and we were in the middle of the solo portion when I noticed some guy had stumbled in his drunkenness, apparently, and Meg was trying to help him up...Or so I thought. I put down my guitar to help him up. Then I noticed that Meg was saying "Stop it" and pushed him back (he was on his knees). This all was happening very quickly. I then saw him grope her breasts. There was a look of distress on her face and I saw red. So I walked up behind the mother fucker, still on his knees, grabbed him by the face from over the top of his head, and nearly broke his punk ass in half as I slammed his head into the floor. He then had the balls to start throwing punches. He missed but nearly got me in the balls and I blocked another (mind you , he can't see because I am holding him down by his face). I picked him up by the face and rammed his head into the floor again, with more force this time . As I did this my left hand raised, almost on it's own, and not in a fist, but in a more forceful stabbing way. I was about to strike and Meg yells "TOM!" I snapped out of it. I was seriously about to hurt this little bitch. This all happened over a few moments. It was then that people grabbed him and got him out of the situation. Weird! I was so hyped up. Meg was funny afterwards though. She walked up and thanked me and said " I know who I want around when we got out drinking from now on. hahaha!

The party then continued. I just couldn't get back into the spirit though. All that energy, nowhere to go. It was like having a sneeze stop just shy of actually happening. I am glad that I didn't actually hurt anyone, but I was done. I hung out for a bit more, got more drunk, and then left the scene and went home.

I was hurtin' for certain this morning. Hungover, big time. Thank god my body clock works. In my drunkenness, I failed to set my alarm. I woke up at 9:10, having to get to work by 9:30. I scrambled to get there. Got there on time. No prob. The day was EXTREMELY busy. I had not a moments rest. All turned out well though. I broke this years sales records....AGAIN!

I am now on my way to Alan's place for poker night. Jason's already there. Gotta go. I finally have a day off tomorrow. Hurrah.

How are you?

Interviews, Interviews, Interviews

Well, I have another interview to post. Rae . Funny enough I have spent the last three days interviewing people at work. Can anyone tell me why somone would come to a job interview with shorts and sandals on? this has happened more than once! For fucks sake! When I was sixteen I went to Toys R' Us with a button down shirt and slacks on. I can forgive a t-shirt, I wear them too, but I find beachwear insulting. A waste of my time.One question I asked to these people was "Do you plan on wearing sandals and shorts to work?" and "Do you always dress in shorts for an interview?". Now, I am not hiring the next CEO of Chrysler here. I am not even hiring the regional sales manager for Eureka vacums. All I ask is that you takle this stuff seriously. I will hire the kid with the lip peircing and the tattoo on hi neck if he or she is wearing shoes, pants (or a long skirt) and is articulate and funny.

So now the interviews for me.

Rae-
1. What is your favorite childhood memory? Please use fire and animals in your answer. (HMT style right there)

Pretty good one Rae. I have none that contain fire AND animals. Howbout urine and animals?

When I was a kid my parents brought me and Dave to PEEK (the Pocono Envioronmental Education Center). It was an old honeymoon resort they had converted. It even had a heart shaped pool that had been shut down as I reacall. So I made friends with this kid Anthony. We got into trouble together down there. We would, after breakfast everyday, go down to the lake/pond, whip it out and piss on the abundant bullfrogs. We thought it was hillarious that the bullfrogs would scramble and scream when we pissed on them. His little sister used to follow us around (this will be an important fact for one of the later questions). That is not my favorite memory, but it comes close to your criteria I think. After the summer I didn't see Tony for years.

2. If you lived alone in a cabin in the woods or mountains and you knew that you'd never have to worry about money-describe your typical day?

Get up. Play guitar on my wrap around porch while drinking my coffee. Go back inside. Either masturbate or take a nap, or both. Get up again. Shower. Throw on some shorts, or a loin cloth. Eat something. Go out back. Tend to my garden. Walk through the woods. Draw and paint some things. Come home. Eat, nap, play guitar, masturbate and nap again. Then I would read or write.

Now that I read that, I am wondering if I shouldn't bring a woman to the woods with me. It sounds like I am going to need a years supply of hand cream otherwise. I thought I would have to be alone bc of the question.

3. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would you live and why?

I think if I could live anywhere and I had to choose tomorrow, it would be Paris, France, or at least on the outskirts of it. It is a beautiful city full of really friendly people, who are relaxed and pleasant. The art musuems are amazing. So much to see. It is a beautiful place. There is a really good chance I will be going back early next year.

4. In your opinion, what is the worst movie ever made and why?

Without a doubt the worst movie ever made was Batman and Robin. It was the most horrific, homo- erotic peice of crap ever filmed. I think it was the worst because it had a decent cast of actors (The Clooney, The Arnold, Uma, etc, etc) a huge budget and just sucked ass from beginning to end. The worst!

5. Describe the first time you got to "2nd base" with a chick. Wait that's supposed to be a question. What was it like the first time you got to "2nd base" with a chick?

The first time I remember getting to second base was with my girlfriend Liz. I was about 16. not really sure. She was stacked. I thought her jubblies were beautiful. In fact I can still remember them. haha. Funny thing about Liz though. Shoirtly after rounding second, she asked me if I remembered her. I thought she meant from around the neughborhood. She said no, and went and grabbed a picture. It was of me, Tony and his little sister at Peek. She said " I used to watch you and my brother piss on frogs.

So there's my story. Anyone who can show me how to post some straming audio, please come foward.

Love ya'll

SLims...October...Fucking excited

Went down to Slim's tonight. This is the plac that Ala, Jason, Doug, david and I will be playing every friday in October, plus The Saturday before Halloween, PLUS October first (tentivly) for my birthday party! I am so excited! God ain't life grand somtimes?

For the first time in my life I am going to be playing my acoustic guitar live. Singing my songs, as well as a healthy dose of other people's tunes. I cannot wait! The owner, this guy Mike, was asll about it.

We will paint and play every Friday. For the Halloween party we are going to burn all the art in a big bonfire!

I am going to be playing a party again this weekend. That should be a blast! Alan is having his house warming party. Doug had come over the other night and we learned a bunch of new tunes including Ice, Ice baby and Never Tear Us Apart. Should be a great time.

My life is just chugging along on all cylinders right now. I get really down someitmes. For sure. Many of you know of the emotional upheaval that I have gone through pretty consistantly for the last year of my life. The last six months have been excruciating. I had my heart handed to me on a silver platter on Valentines day.Came to Raleigh with hope and wonderment, only to have it wrested away. Wanted to meet up with someone and was avoided, with good reason.Fucked up in big ways, with more than one person that I loved. I am far from perfect,but you know what? I don't care anymore.The people that love me? (and there are, surprisingly, a lot) Deal with my manic moods, my excentricities, and me being the boderline exasperating, party-mongering, self destroying, lovable, caring, emotional, prone to fucking up, son of a bitch I am.Everyone else in this life can go fuck themselves. No offense. I will smile at you and call you the asshole that you are in my mind.

Through all of the strife and hardship, the self hating moments, the manic days, like flowers pushing through the dirt, good things have been coming up for me. I am finally figuring out what I need in my life to be happy. not with some woman, not through someone else, but for me. Music makes me happy. Not for me, but because I get to share that joy with other people. Making others happy is my favorite activity.

So for all you bloggies who are down? It's all gonna get better. Sometimes you just need to look at the other side of things. It's not all that bad. Sometimes what seems a loss is really a gain. What seems a hardship is only a stepping stone.

For those of you who feel that you cannot comment here? I hope that will change. Come back! post a comment. I am a comment whore.hahaha. Really though. I am done living by any one else's rules but my own. It's time for me to shine. Single, available, not wanting to date, and laughing my ass off! So I am going to blog, comment, and do my thing. Anyone who has a problem with that can bite me.

Ya'll need to get your asses to Raleigh in October. It's gonna be one long party. Come on down. you can crash at my place. I will show you around the po-dunk town that I live in. Good-good-good-vibrations!

Interveiw like Mike

So Vuolo gave me an interview and I thought his had some good questions. So as always, follow the rules. Let me know if you want an interview. Maybe if we do this enough, I won't have to blog for a few weeks. Though I think I just lost a lot of commenters. So I am counting on all of you to come through for me. Remember, Ask me to interview you in the comments section.

1. What one thing (note, not a person or other living organism) have you lost, sold, given away or had stolen and you want back more than any other object in the world and why?

Good question Mike. I think if I could have only one thing back that was stolen, it would be the Squir Stratocaster that my folks gave me for my 14th birthday (Or was it Christmas. I loved that guitar. I used to stand in my mirror and "rock out" before I knew how to play a single chord. Then, as I got odler, I learned new and exciting ways to abuse my instrument. It went with me everywhere. It was stolen at a gig when I was about 19.

2. What’s the scariest thing you ever experienced?

This one was a toss up. 9/11 was scary. The time I had guns pulled on me simultaneously by 7 NYC police officers was scary as hell. I think that my all time scariest moment has to be the time I did a 360 across the Grand Central Expressway at 8 p.m. on a Friday night. I was in the backseat, there were four of us screaming at the top of our lungs, in harmony, all the way from the exit ramp, to the middle guard rail. Fucking terrifying. I stilldon't know how we managed to not get hit. Hand of god was over that car I guess. Also, there was only a dime shaped dent in the rear bumper. No other damage.

3. If you had to be his bitch for one night, would you choose David Lee Roth or Sammy Hagar?

You know, I don't really want to be anyone's bitch. If I had to choose, I would have to say that I would choose Sammy. As much as I think Roth's VH stuff ruled, if I had to be one of their bitches? I think Sammy would be a lot more gentle. Also Dave would just talk until you were ready to kill yourself.

4. What does your life look like at 60?

I'm holding my grandchild. Looking over at my wife, smiling, wondering how we ever got to this point. I am so imperfect, so full of mistakes. I was tough to love at times. Here I am, having touched the lives of many, many people. I have sung songs to them, made them laugh, loved them, and gotten love back. I have been lucky to have such a fufilling career and cannot believe that I overcame every obsticle and somehow managed to make a happy life......either that or I will be old, lonely and bitter. Realizing that I hurt the women who loved me most. Full of regret and waiting for death to give me a lasting embrace. one of the two.;)

5. What’s the most embarassing piece of clothing you own?

Hmmm. Now had you asked me this in 1991 or 2 I would have had a long list. Now I don't really have anything embarassing. Maybe my old Jets jacket? Not sure about this one.

An interview from the Whiz

So Word Whiz had a neat thing on her blog. Five interview questions. Essentially, this is a lot like the Menage a Trois we all posted a while back,or an email chain letter. Here's the rules

#1 Leave me a comment saying 'interview me please'
#2 I will respond by asking you five questions here on my blog (not the same questions you see here)
#3 You will update your blog/site with the answers to the questions
#4 You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post
#5 When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions



1. Describe the best vacation you've ever taken.

Best vacation I ever took was to Paris last fall. It was a beautiful city and I would love to go back someday.

2. What thing would you most like to be remembered for?

I would like to be remembered for being a nice, kind, giving guy. Full of imperfections, but with a whole lot more good to offer than bad.

on a wish list, I would like to be remembered for writing a beautiful song though. one that made somebody cry, or feel alive.

3. How did you come to discover blogging/why do you blog?

My brother Dave has had a blog for a long while. I looked at his and started mine, but didn't know what to do with it. My Girlfreind at the time had started her own. mine became my one way to escape the lonely nights I had when I moved down to Raleigh.

4. Who is your closest friend and why does he/she hold that distinction?

See that's a tough one for me to answer. I have quite a few close friends. People tend to know a part of me. I can be pretty guarded around new people. Nicole probably knows me best, with Heather being a close second. But I don't know that ex's and family can really be a good answer to this question. My buddy Joey I have known since I was four. I haven't talked to him in months though. So my answer is....right now? no one. Ahhh. Lets go with Nicole. Why the hell not.Can the ex be the answer?

5. Describe one of your most embarassing moments.

When I was fourteen I went to orientation at St Francis Prepatory High School. My mom had filled out my paperwork. When I got there the took a roll call. I was mortified when I heard them call out "Donna Dowd" UGH! that was the worst. I wanted to crawl under the desk and then sneak out of the room on my belly. It was one of the times in my life that I wished I was invisible.

Wine,Widows-Lee-Roth,The Angel Moroni, Eating too fast and Ma-Fucking-Donna

Yesterday was a good day. As down as I have been, it was nice to have everything come together. I went by Alan's and hung out with him and Jason. We talked about poker night live in October. It really looks as if this is going to happen. I'm nervous but pretty excited. It seems that I need to start Ritchie Valens-ing it with Bertha. Every time I go over to Jason's or Alan's I end up having a Guitar thrust into my hands. It might as well be mine from now on.

Last night we had a blast. No art, all music. I busted out some really obscure tunes. Metal Health, We're not Gonna Take It, Get into the Groove (which had us rolling on the floor laughing by the end "Ma-fucking-Donna!), and a wide variety of other tunes that I haven't played in years. Just Like Heaven, Mama Said Knock You Out, American Girl and Learning to Fly have become some staples. Really just fun.

Meg came by for a bit (Meg is Jason's better half) and thanked me for the wine I had given her for her B-Day. William Hill Cab 2001. I was telling her about the two best bottles of wine that I ever had. The first was William Hill Cab 2000, which I shared with Nic at Bellato's in early '04.I drank it down and looked at Nic, we both thought it was amazing. The second was the bottle of Bordeaux I shared with Heather during our last day in Paris. That was some seriously great stuff. I can't remember the name and year of that Bordeux anymore, but I am glad that I have found William Hill. Even if it's not the same year.

Yesterday was a weird day at the store. John and I were talking about the Black Widow again. We finished throwing out the shelving units. It took us twice as long as on Friday though. As we now were inspecting each piece of wood separately and thoroughly before picking them up...not to mention dropping them if anything looked remotely like a spider.haha.

One thing about the Widow. I feel like my friend Mike Paone must have when he got to hang out with David Lee Roth at a club kid party a few years back. Mike was a metalhead, like me, when we were growing up. He then feel in with the Rave crowd and ends up rolling with Diamond Dave at this party. He calls all of his friends and tells them the next day. The typical response from his clubbing friends was "David Lee who?" or "Big Deal". He calls me and I was all excited. "THAT IS SO COOL!!!!!" When I tell my southern friends, they are not impressed. Northern friends like Brother Dave, Nic and Laura all couldn't believe it. So the Widow is my Diamond Dave....Bop Boozdie, boozdie bop.

This guy comes in to the store yesterday and wants to buy a lightbox. I am talking to him and finally it comes up that he went to Brigham Young University.I said "Oh, are you Mormon?". duh! Of course he was. Hel-lo! I related to him that I was reading a book called "Mormon America". He got a bit apprehensive. "What did you read?" haha. I guess he gets a lot of strange reactions when he tells people that he is Mormon. So we had this long convo about the book and religion. I told him I found the history of the religion fascinating, and that the book was non-judgmental. My only problem with the whole thing was that it keeps Chick-Fil-A from being open on Sunday. He didn't buy a lightbox. I'm hoping he doesn't send any missionaries to the store. It would be okay if they bought lightboxes though.

Thoughts on Harry Potter. I read that book so fast, it was like I was eating a meal. I am a notoriously fast eater. I could almost hear Nicole and Heather saying "Slow down and taste your food". I burned through it. The only person I have had to discuss it with is my one employee Kelly, to whom I want to sing the "Woody from Cheers" Kelly-Kelly-Kelly song all the time. I don't though. It's been done a million times to her. It would be like saying "G-L-O-R-I-A" to a woman with that name or saying "Yo Adrian" in the Rocky voice to an Adrian. So please, if you finish the book, let me know.

Finally, I find that for the first time in a long time I have no interest in dating, picking up, or getting laid. Strange huh? I guess I have finally figured out that I need to get some thing figured out first. (Did that sentence make any sense?)

Talk to Ya'll later

"It probably wouldn't have killed you, just put you through agony for about 18 hours"

That's what my assisitant manager John said to me this after noon when I was throwing out the peice of wood you see leaning against the dumpster in the picture below.







That pic was taken from the backdoor of my store. The wood itself was from a shelving unit I was throwing away. I was holding it by the top left corner and dragged it over there. When I leaned it against the dumpster and opened the top, I notied that there were spider webs all over the thing and some nasty looking spiders on it. Mind you, I had not seen these before I leaned the thing up. John came over and I told him "God damn, look at all of these spiders!". He looked at the one closest to the top left and said "Wow. That's a Black Widow"









After soiling my pants I managed to say "A Black Widow?!? Are you fucking kidding me?" He said "No. You can tell by the red spot on it's abddomen" I beleive that John would have known this, seeing as how he was an Eagle scout. It was then that I realized just how close my hand was to the damn thing. They are so tiny. I have never seen one before. Below is a pic of my hand, which was a little bit closer that in the pic. To give you an idea of how close my hand was, I was holding the board by the second slat. The one that the Black Widow is just above with it's tiny abdomen of death poised to strike. haha. I was a bit scared to get any closer than what you see here.

I went back into the store and was telling people what I had just seen. They were shrugging their shoulders and saying "Wow" with absolutely no interest. It was as if I had seen a pigeon in Central Park. Sort of the way an old freind had told me about Scorpions in Arizona. They are like roaches in a cheap East Village apartment. Actually, that is not true. there are no cheap East Village apartments. Just lots of roaches.

So that ends this episode of Tom's true tales of danger. Next up I am going to walk into a bar with an alligator and see if anyone will take my challenge. haha.

Be good ya'll

This makes me happy

I don't know what is in the air, but everyone has been down. I needed a laugh tonight as I am down. This provided it. I have been laughing at this for over a year. Some jokes just don't get old.Enjoy!

Free Porn

I hope you all laugh.

Now I really want to be like Mike

I have a fascination with Mike Tyson. Some of you may remember my blog about Mike being crazy. you can read it here with a list of great quotes.Well now, our favorite face tatooed, pip-squeak voiced former destroyer of all comers has decided that the adult film industry is for him. I can only imagine his little voice saying "Yeah, suck it, that's right." Check it out.

According to an interview online, Mike says that he has plans other than fighting. Tyson said, “I’m definitely not fighting anymore. I’ve talked to some people; I just talked to a gentleman named Jimmy, who’s involved with Club Jenna. You know, Jenna Jameson. They said they were interested in getting me involved in that kind of business as well.”

The only thing this guy should do is get himself into group therapy. Where he can work on his problems and eat an ear or two if he gets upset.

I promise that my big Vegas post is coming. I've just been lazy about uploading pics, etc. Please be happy with this little snack for now.

Btw. The new Harry Potter book was fucking shocking. I can hardly believe that I have read them. Considering that I felt gay for even touching the book the first time out. Loved them. The new one rules the school! J.K. Rowling is some writer. I am a bit depressed that I have to wait another couple years for the next.

Don't be sad, six out of seven ain't bad

Back from Vegas all. I'm going to blog and post some pictures over the next couple days. So here, I am just going to post a few little tidbits to say that I am alive and had a great time. If Walt Disney World had been created by the devil himself, yet without the hellfire and eternal damnation (well, at least the first one) it would be Las Vegas. It is bizarre and cool. I had so much fun. I did find that I gave in six of the seven deadly sins this week. Oh shit, as I was typing this I realized that I did get angry this week. Damn. Looks like I went seven for seven. Vegas is incredible and tons of fun. I am actually considering another trip out there this year.

I did well at roulette. That was definately my game. The first two nights were my best. I hit on a few numbers. 35 to one when you hit on those straight up. Laura had given me the number 22 I hit it twice, once with multiple chips.Laura Lee was actually my little four leaf clover my first two days out there. Gave me two numbers that paid off really handsomely for me. I hit big on the date that I first met Nicole also. I then took my earnings and hit the bar to drink away the memory of both of them. (That was a joke, I just thought it sounded funny.)All in all, my first two nights paid for my excessive drinking, clubbing and cab rides for the rest of the week.

Rae was the drunk dial winner for the week. The convo was about the abundance of whore houses and the fact that all the cabbies seem to want to bring you to one.She changed her blog link to me to read "Mental patient Tom". I was a bit upset with her and then thought "If the shoe fits......" Thanks for pointing out the obvious Rae. I cried at your mocking my fragile mental state. *sniff*

Looks like I may be doing quite a bit of traveling in the next year. I was invited to Paris after the turn of the year. The other possibilty is Italy, which would be pretty cool. I really need to work on my language skill ASAP.

I may have the opportunity to move out west. I can't really say where on my blog.Top secret, but I can tell you if you IM me or call me sometime. I need to be responsible with the info, but it could be cool.Something about palm trees and heat just appeals to me. I really think that I am going to try to move out there. My company is opening a store in Tempe. So that is the direction they are headed.I will need to move within two years anyhow.

Vegas seemed to give me exactly what I needed. I was able to shine at the company conferences, and partied all night. Good times

Damn, I meant this to be a small blog. Saying hello. Oh well. Hope you all had a great week!

P.S. I bought a copy of Harry Potter for the plane ride home. I had to balance out my hedonistic week somehow.Good book. Anyone that hasn't read this series should do themselves a big favor and read them in order. They are like crack for the soul. You'll be addicted right away.

Whew!

Well, I am finally packed for Vegas. I am ready for my big speech on Weds. I waited until 11:45 to finish packing. Had to take some time and be honest about things to someone who I hurt very much. It was one of the hardest things that I ever had to do. I made some big mistakes in my life. BIG ones. I have behaved irrationally and have hurt people because of it. I wish I didn't. I really wish that I had been a stronger person. Able to take the defeats with the victoris. Able to accept that which I could not change. Instead, what I did was make every move wrong that I possibly could. Oh well. Can't change the past. Can only learn from it, hope that you can be forgiven for your mistakes, even if people never (nor should they) forget.

I have been talking to a freind for a couple months. Trying to figure out what has been going on in this brain of mine for so long. I went through a real rough spot a few years back. Never really came to terms with it. After some irrational behavior earlier this year, I decided that I needed some fixing. Really needed to work on some things. I have been doing that sucessfully. What it comes down to is that I am a wlaking, talking mess with a lot of good qualitites which I do my best to beat into submition at times.

So to the people I have hurt. I am sorry. I hope that someday you can forgive me, though I don't expect it. I am human and always will be.I just happen to be a person who finds a way to do everything at extremes. When I fuck up? I fuck up like I am trying to set a world's record. I excell at it too.

So Vegas beckons foks. I will try to takes lots of pics. Maybe when I get back I can make this blog a whole lot more fun. I think this trip (even though it is for work) might be just what the doctor ordered at this particular moment. Get away. Tomorrow at 9 a.m. (12 eastern, I think) I will be laying by the pool, drinking something cold. I think I am going to ask for something fruity and frozen. hopefully they won't bring me Richard Simmons encased in a block of ice, but a Daquiri of some sort, maybe a Margarita.

Viva Las Vegas!

The only Living Boy in Raleigh?

This is one of my all time favorite songs. The Only Living Boy in New York. Along with the entire "Dark Side of The Moon" album, it is also one of my depression songs. Nicole had actually banned me from listening to Dark Side for a few years. I just want to share the lyrics with all of you.

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know your part'll go fine.
Fly down to Mexico.
Da-n-da-da-n-da-n-da-da and here I am,
The only living boy in New York.

I get the news I need on the weather report.
I can gather all the news I need on the weather report.
Hey, I've got nothing to do today but smile.
Da-n-do-da-n-do-da-n-do here I am,
The only living boy in New York.
Half of the time we're gone but we don't know where,
And we don't know where.

Tom, get your plane right on time.
I know that you've been eager to fly now.
Hey let your honesty shine, shine, shine
Da-n-da-da-n-da-n-da-da
Like it shines on me.
The only living boy in New York,
The only living boy in New York.

I find myself feeling pretty down today. Feeling pretty all alone. That happens to me from time to time when I start following old patterns again.

I'm trying to make it on my own. Make my own way. Be happy for myself. It just doesn't come together. I have realized that I am on my own and I am not getting any visitors at anytime soon. Oh well.

The other day would have been my 10th anniversary with my wife. I was feeling down about it. Then, to make matters even better, I came home that night and recieved 2 wedding invitations for the next two months. Tom&Guest. Ugh. So now, I need to find a friggin date, or dates. I have no interest in being involved right now. I don't want to be the loser at the wedding with no one to dance with though.

I figure that at least I have the fact that I have heart trouble on my side. I probably have only, what? 20-30 more years to deal with this crap? I'll have to ask my mom how old my Grandad was when he died.

SO as you can see, I am glowingly happy today.

I am going to poker night (what I had named J'art. Which was a stupid name as one of my exes told me over and over) tonight. We set a time limit this time. So we won't be falling asleep in Jaz' studio at 4 a.m. We should have a good time. I am going to try to take some pics to post here.

WEll, Vegas...t-mius 2 days!

I live in Oakwood!

I have had a real hard time learning my way around Raleigh. I can get to the places I frequent, but I am always asking "Really? Where's that?" to any conversation that contains a destination in it. A few weeks ago we went by Jaz' Place and were hanging out. Jason was talking about how he had to drop by someone else's house in Oakwood. I said "Really? Where's Oakwood?" (mind you there were four or five guys in the room at this point) . Jason stopped what he was saying and said "Uhhhhh....Tom....You live in Oakwood" to which I replied, with a Bill and Ted look, leaning back as if the lightbulb obove my head had suddenly burst to brightness, nodding my head slowly "Excellent".

Tonight at Meg's Birthday party, we were standing outside and she was introducing everyone to the new neighbors. "This is Chad, he lives across the street. This is Amy, she lives down the block. This is michelle. She lives upstairs."Etc, Etc. Finally, she says. And this is Tom. No living designation. I said. "I live in Oakwood" We all had a good laugh. It's become my unofficial catch phrase.

I went to a party tonight for Megs birthday. Meg is Jason's better half. It was fun. We sang some songs had a real good time. Fun! Meg's friends were really nice. Doug's wife Carrie is hillarious.

This is a pic of Jaz and me outside of Humble Pie last night.Good times.



Vegas. T-Minus 3 days beeyotches

For Nicole, who gave me a third of her life

Nic hon, I love ya. I know that doesn't mean a whole lot at times, but I do. I'm glad that you came into my life a decade ago. you're the best.This blog is for you. We used to dance to this and laugh. I always thought that at 64 you would be the one next to me. Thanks you for loving me...you always did and I was a lucky man for it.

When I get older losing my hair
Many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out till quarter to three
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?

You'll be older too
And if you say the word
I could stay with you

I could be handy, mending a fuse
When your lights have gone
You can knit a sweater by the fireside
Sunday mornings go for a ride
Doing the garden, digging the weeds
Who could ask for more?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?

Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight
If it's not too dear
We shall scrimp and save
Grandchildren on your knee
Vera, Chuck & Dave

Send me a postcard, drop me a line
Stating point of view
Indicate precisely what you mean to say
Yours sincerely, wasting away
Give me your answer, fill in a form
Mine for evermore
Will you still need me, will you still feed me
When I'm sixty-four?
Ho!

What happens there stays there

So I had a very bizarre convo about Las Vegas today with one of my exes. She told me to go to Vegas and have fun, get laid, but to keep it covered. HA! I could hardly believe it. "Excuse me?" was my reply. "Yeah, you should stick it to anything with a pulse" (paraphrasing of course). I cracked up. Weird to hear that from someone you were involved with. I guess things change.She was just telling me that everyone out there is on a tear for the most part, so it's easy to get some. Because it's easy to get some, keep it covered. Good advice. Yes Ma'am!" Either way I sure am looking forward to getting out there and experiencing Sin City in a big way. I figure it's a match made in heaven, or hell, as I am really good at sinning. They asked me to stop going to confession at church because it was taking too long. It's really disheartening to hear the priest (who is supposed to be non-judgmental) say "YOU DID WHAT?!?!?!?!" hehe.

So I realized today that I have 4 days till Vegas and I am not ready. I have no shorts, few dress pants and I don't know where to buy clothes in Raleigh. I have not shopped for them yet. Not a single stitch of new clothes have I purchased since I moved here in February.

I am going to get a haircut tonight. This is good. I have gotten a bit shaggy. Gonna tighten it up a little bit so I look my best when I get out there. I think I am going to keep some length though. Just for the sake of change. New me.

Anyhow, I figure I am going to hit the tables a little bit and then try to hook up with some fun on the dance floor. Get my groove on and laugh my ass off. Lord do I need it. I wish that I didn't have meetings everyday, but I suppose that is the price of admission for a free trip. It's kinda like those Florida timeshare vacations...you get to go, but you end up having to sit around bored a lot.

So as any regular readers know, I am Mr. High/Low. Up and down, round and round. Watch the emotions go. Where it stops nobody knows. Well today I did that again. Funny though. Driving home today I felt this freedom and calm wash over me. I don't know what it was. Thoughts of getting away. I guess it's just sometimes that as scared as I get of the future, it really is wide open. Infinite possibilities. I have my little wishes, and secret dreams. All in all though? I live by the seat of my pants. When I go with the flow, things go well with me. I just wish, once in a while, that the things I want most would turn up my way.

Well, I am off to get my haircut and then I am going to a party. Hope all is well with ya'll.

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire!

Had some fun last night. Had one really fun convo. I would like to pass the question along to you. If your house was burning down, what is the one (non-living) item that you would save. (You can only save one).

For me it is without a doubt, my black and grey acoustic guitar. I got it when I was 15. I could never truly replace 15 years on that fretboard.

What about you? What is your item?

J'art and the band of brothers.

So I am going to spare you the feel good blog of the century that I wrote earlier. Maybe the most depressing thing that I have written since I've been to Raliegh. Something about me being the stupid hamster in the lab experiment that keeps trying for the block of cheese with the 9000 volts electricity running through it. In this scenerio I was hamster #047. Affectionately known to the labratory assistants as "the dumb one". As in "Awwww that poor stupid hamster keeps thinking that the cheese won't give him a shock this time"Instead, I am going to tell you about the best thing going on in my life right now.

J'art. jam+art. I have been going by Jaz' place and we have been doing these jams. We stretch a canvas and then I start playing guitar and he paints. Well, it started that way. Last Thursday night I went over Jaz' place but it wasn't only me and him. He, Jason, Jonathan and Doug were there. Doug and I played guitar, the other three painted. for the most part. I got up and painted also, just not as much as the three working artists on hand.We played every song we could, From "Mama Said Knock You Out" to "Hot for Teacher and everything in between. It was amazing! I never play cover tunes. But that night for some reason, all the songs I knew just came pouring out. We even ad-libbed stuff. There was so much creative energy in the room that it was palpable. It was like you had to swat it away like mosquitos at Promised Land State park.

It was an amazing night and an amazing time. The fusion of these to artistic outlets was fantastic. I will post some of the artwrk that comes out of it after the next session.

So it seems that my guitar playing has found a home in this little tribe I suddenly find myself a member of. Tonight I went by Jaz' place. We were hanging on his porch with Jason. I went in to take a pi........um, I mean, go to the bathroom. When I came out, Jason's guitar was sitting there. I busted out my current fav little ditty "Learning to Fly" by Tom Petty. I went through a nice little catalog of songs that I have not played in a while. "Every Breath You Take", Just Like Heaven", The End of the World as You Know it", "Blister in the Sun", "Sweet Emotion" and even a little " Never Say Goodbye" were whipped out. We were all cracking up. Having a great time. I even gained a little audience at one point. This girl walks up as I am playing. I got a little freaked out, new person and all, but kept going with my reandition of "Sugar Magnolia" or whatever I was playing at that point. She gave me some props and hung for a bit. Pretty cool.

Point is, I don't care if I suck, I don't care if my life is hell at moments. I am fucking glad I can sing and that I can make people happy with it once in a while. Just don't ask me to sing the star spangled banner. I alway sstart to high and get fucked by "the rockets red glare".

Love Y'all