"You rikey me packy baggy?"

So I had my first weird experience here in Raleigh. I got into town at about 5 p.m. and checked into my hotel. I went to the grocery store so I could have some food in my belly tomorrow. This friggin' place was Gi-normous! I mean, my god. After shopping at Ridgewood's "Food Dynasty" (as Dave put it a.k.a. the Super-Bodega) and at the little C-town up by Heather's place I was in shock. Imagine walking into a cross between Las Vegas and and airplane hanger stuffed with food and food by products with which to stuff your face. Everyone was so freindly and helpful it was almost sickening.I am strolling down, one by one through their 20 or so eisles and thinking that it's got to suck to hear "Clean up in eisle 155. Clean up in eisle 155." Imagine the poor kid with the bucket and mop saying "Fuck.I hate this Y'all>Why can't it be eisle 4?!?" Anyhow, I digress. I found that they have a wine eisle! That's right! Fucking wine! Cab, Shiraz, Champange.Rosmount, Yellow Tail. Goddamn! Too cool! I passed on the wine but got myself some other goodies to munch on. I get to checkout and they have bag boys! You up north will remember bag boys as a nicety that was extended to customers last in the 1970's. For those of you reading this who were born in the eighties and have not experienced the bag boy, the pack your shit so you can get out of there quickly. Anyhow, so there was not a bag boy at my line while I was being checked out, but he comes over after I am just about done. A little Chinese, well I should say Asian kid, because his ethnicity was unknown to me. After working on Canal st for so many years most asians are Chinese to me. I can spot Indonesians pretty well thanks to my best freind in High School being of that background. Anyhow this kid walks up, I see his name badge and it says "Chuh". I'm feeling right at home. "Ahhh an asian who will now regail me with conversation while changing all L's to R's and drop the S' from the end of his plurals". And what does he do? He walks up and says to the guy ringing me up "So how're Y'all doing?" I was seriously freaked out. He also says to me, as I am leaving, in a thivk southern accent "g'dnight sir (pronounced suuur) Ho-Lee-Shit! I think I am gonna like this town. I also felt like a bit of an asshole for anticipating his broken english.

I'm sure you will all find my spelling errors endearing, I am too lazy to check it today, and any other for that matter.

Later

Final leg of the Journey

I decided to write one more entry before I head to Raleigh. I am on Laura's couch and want to take this opportunity to thank her from the bottom of my heart once again. She really was great to me this weekend. I do consider her a friend of mine. Seeing her in action is pretty amazing. Talking everyone she loves off a ledge all the time it seems, while dancing along the ledge herself. Very beautiful, very wise ,very kind...too apologetic(Sorry Lee, I had to! You're so great and no apolgies are nessesary. Love ya!).She can listen and has some great insights into people.

I added two more links to this blog. Sticky Nikki and Nicole. One I don't know one of them very well, met her last night for the first time. The second is my wife's blog...um, ex-wife? soon to be ex? um estranged wife? Lets just say my good freind Nicole whom I have known for a long time. Good blogs, check em out, leave a comment.Nikki is your full name Nicole also? Because I am thinking that it's weird to add two links to two people with the same name on the same day.

I am feeling pretty bummed this morning. Hating the thought of hitting the road. It feels so final. I don't even knowhow I got here. Everyone seems to think that this is a great thing for me. I guess we'll find out. I am doubting it at this very moment. Going to wait for Kelvin to get down here. Then I will continue on to Raleigh. Probably leave around ten.

So I am going to hit the road in a minute here. If you read this blog today and you are at all interested, give me a call on the cell phone. I have a six hour drive ahead of me and would love to talk to you. haha. Whoever you are.

Later Y'all

Songs of the day- I heard all of these on the trip to Raleigh and I didn't want to create a new post
Don't Stop Believing-Journey (Man this song brings back some memories)
Against All Odds-Phil Collins ( I need a copy of this song)

The undiscovered party

I'm at Laura Lee's house in Baltimore waiting on the arrival of a large peperoni and mushroom pie and 20 buffalo wings. Yum. Ms. Lee and I debated on what to get and decided that since we are family, we should get the family deal. I love anyone who can justify engorging themslves as much as I. I slept most of the day I think I am exhausted from everything that has gone on the last few weeks. Emotional and physical exhaustion all coming home to roost on a living room floor in Glen Burnie. Affectionately known as "The Burn" which I find hee-larious. Burn going in...burn coming out. Did I mention we got the hot wings? hehe.

Laura has been really great. We drank some tea and have had a few really great talks. Funny lady. I encourage everyone to check out her blog. Good Stuff.

So we're going out tonight and are all having some fun. Nikki is here and was kind enough to offer me some of her diet coke. I am going to try to not get too drunk this evening. I don't want to drive to N.C. hung over and having to crap my pants.

So I realized that tomorrow I will be going to N.C. This is the most south that I have any good friends. I tried to call Kel, but he has not called me back. I feel a bit like Meriweather Lewis, looking for the northwest passage and getting to the point where the map ended. The undiscovered country lies ahead of me tomorrow.

I find that I am missing things, and people already. I am nervously excited about starting my new job and being in a new place where I can create a new identity. My slate is completely clean. No ties, no friends, nobody knowing a thing about me. I can write my own ticket.

On a final note, I always add my titles on these entries after I write them out. I meant to name this the undiscovered country. I slipped and named it the undiscovered party. I think it's appropriate. Life is going to be really good down there and I can feel it in my bones.


Songs of the Day-

Best of Both Worlds-Van Halen

Farewell NYC

This will be my last post from NYC. Gonna miss the following-

Ridgewood
The Beauty parlor
Steamers
Cab Rides
Subways
Good Pizza
Shared Red Wine (hopefully I can do that again soon)
14th st and............. (well, I haven't missed that, but it was fun)
Ipus (sorry BEans, you stink and are dirty. God if I could lick myself I would all the time...get with it cat!)
My friends
Toad
Flor's Kitchen
Boulders in Central Park


Talk to you all soon I hope.I'm off on my great adventure with love in my heart for you and looking forward to seeing you all soon.

(added 2/26)
Arthur's (Lisa's) Deli (My coffee shop since, well god, forever, Thanks Nic!)
Drunk guys in sweatshirts in subteranean bars on Houston St (That's How-Stun)

Can anyone else remind of something good about NY that I might have missed on this list?

Farewell NYC

Sydney and Token lop off fingers

Last night I ended up watching Alias. I have gotten into this show a little bit lately. Me watching an hour of tv is A LOT.This is the only show I have watched in the last year with any regularity. I realized however, that in the four times I have watched it, that I have only learned 1 characters name. That would be Jennifer Gardiner's character, Sydney Bristow.The rest I have named myself. I will now, because I am sure that you are all very interested provide you with a short synopsis of last night's episode, as well as a list of the characters names.

Characters-
Sydney Bristow
Surly Model Guy-Sydneys partener and love interest. I believe he killed his wife at some point.
Token-He is on the super spy team also. He's the black guy.Adds color to the cast and gets a few lines and episode
Retard-The computer expert who has an enomous, misshapen head
Fat Guy-Another spy on the team. He is large and likes Sydney's sister
Sydney's Sister-She is Sydney's sister and is the daughter of.........
Bad Guy-He had an affair with Sydney's mom and is bad, but is now supposedley good, but we're not sure. He is in charge of the super spy team
Sydney's Dad-Kinda bland looking and killed Sydney's mom

Last night's episode-
Bad Guy couldn't lead the misson because of a conflict of interest. Sydney's dad took over. They were going to try to take down a spy who ws after something, whom they thought was dead. Like in comic books though, only the Jason Todd Robin stay's dead forever.
So then Syndney and her sister went to lunch and the spy that they were looking for kidnapped Sydney's Sister. The Spy had a very "drag queen" kind of look. She told Sydney that she must get something for her to get her sister back.The super spy team went into action!
Retard came up with the idea of implanting a chip in some prisoner and letting him go so they could track him to the headquarters of some evil organization that I think the Drag Queen was a member of.
Sydney cut off some guy's finger with the help of Surly and Token. She traded the finger for a makeup kit which I believe contained the thing she had to get.
Drag Queen Branded Sydneys sister with something that looked like a circle surrounded by a greater than and less than sign.
Sydney and the drag queen duked it out in a Rodeo Drive clothing shop when the exchange was made. Sydney got her sister back. Fat Guy was very concerned that she was okay.
Her sister got shot, there was some more fighting and the drag queen got away with something. The substance maybe? I don't really know.

Well, today is my last full day in New York. Gotta finish my packing. Hope you enjoyed.

I'll take anal bum cover for $1000 Alex

I would like to begin today's post by thanking the beautiful Ms. Lee (god that sounds like a drag queen title.........well Laura, at least I didn't use fabulous, though you are) and brother Dave for their involvement in my blog. Both of your comments made me crack up.
So I am almost totally packed. That is cool though I keep having to take breaks. Leaving is tough for me. I have been in this hood for nearly 10 years. So I am going to miss a lot of stuff.
Good times though. I found a collection of different pics of me with all kinds of different hairdos. Personal favs (and I only tell you this bc I have no scanner right now) are listed as follows in action figure name style

Spock Cut Little Tommy (I was really into star trek as a kid)
Super Glam Tommy (Midnite Dy-no-mi-yite!)
Hippie Tom-With Waist Length Locks
Older Phan Tom-With Scraggly Beard Markings! ( the hair was now shoulder length. A little more respectable but still with the tell-tale blood shot eyes and constant munchies)
Rebel Yell Thomas-with removable furry coat! (Two words-Platinum Blonde)

and then came the respectable, incognito guy I am today. If it is possible to be 6'5" and incognito. I would never have made it as a super spy. I am pretty unforgetable. Not that my personality is all that much to write home about all the time, and people don't remember my name (though they ALWAYS remember Lisa's! Curse you Thomas.........we've all lived in your shadow too long! I am moving away!) But they always remember my height. As in "You know, blond, 6'5" . "Oh.....that guy. Yeah! Always hanging around with Lisa, right?!?"

Another note from after the farewell party. It was noted that around Joey, my "Queens" comes out and that he and I are funny together. The convo went something like this. (Those of you who are of the faint of heart should scroll down beneath that which is highlighted green)

Joey-Fucking guy
Me-Oh yeah, how many fucking times did we go to the fuckin' *insert destination* and that fuck.....
Joey-Hahahaha!Holy shit yeah. Always on some fucking mission to whereverthefuck we were going
Tom-Fugetaboutit with his shit. Alwyas some fuckin thing where there were gonna be fuckin chicks and fuckin beeer!
Joey-Yeah!
Me-We'd fuckin get there.........it's a fuckin sausage party. with the moo-crew.
Joey-(shaking head)The moo-crew
Heather-Who were the moo-crew?
Joey-These two chicks who always ended up at these parties
Tom-Oh-my-fucking-god. hahahahaha!
Heather-(Looks confused and amazed by the string of curses coming from Tom's mouth
Joey-The fuckin fuck
Tom-Fuckin A dude. I don't know how we fuckin did it.

Joey............I've known ya my whole life it seems. There were only three people at that party that I have known longer than you and they were all family. I'm gonna fuckin miss you dude.

So anyhow, that's how it went down. If you ever want to hear my Queens, get me drunk and ask me to talk about The Rock. Not the Sean Connery movie (man this is one of those moments when I wish I could put a sound clip on here "Gentlemen.......welcome to the Rock. Well, that, or be able to write in a Sean Connery impression. "I'll take anal bum cover for $1000 Alex"), or the black guy from TV. Buddy from my queens upbringing.

Well that's all. One more day for me in the big apple.

Btw-from my last post my list of weirdest collection you can buy in a drugstore-

1)Batteries
2)Soap
3)Swisswipes
4)KY Warming Jelly
5)Latex Gloves

"I'd like to purchase these wholly unrelated items"

So I figured that I should post something. I have been busy as hell with this move. The farewell party was a rousing sucess, I t had it's weird moments that weren't too much fun. Alot of friends and family came down. Was great to have everyone in one place. Thank you to everyone who made it such a fun night for me.
I am tired and bogged down so let me leave you with this. A friend and I were laughing our asses off the other day about items that one can buy in a drugstore. So I pose this question to you all. What five wholly unrelated items could you buy in a drugstore that might make the cashier look at you funny? Let me know.

"Get off the fucking phone.Seven days left.Time is precious."...OR...Good times, great oldies...OR..."Who brought the dog into the bar last night?"

Had a great night last night. Ton o' fun. I jetted around Manahatten a few times, uptown, downtown. My first order of business was to get a haircut, my last one from Suzy Q. Well, her name is actually just Suzy. She the little greek sparkplug who has been beating my head, I mean cutting my hair for the last 5 years. How's that for commitment folks? Suzy was rarely gentle and sometimes would actually forget things during her mad rush to get to the nexr head at Astor Hair. Hey, you get what you pay for for $13 bucks, You know what though? She Gave me a good haircut 9 times out of 10. It was just that sometimes I would feel like she was trying to shear my head off. I once had the experience of getting my haircut by Regina, who was nice, gentle and soft spoken, heck she even trimmed my eyebrows! I spent the next month trying to figure out how I could get to Regina without Suzy seeing me (the stylists will actually fight over clients there. Sorta like a barber cock-fight, Throw them in a pit and yell "TWO STYLIST ENTER! ONE STYLIST LEAVE!!!!). Alas I couldn't make it happen. I got one haircut in four months. So the next time I sat down Suzy said "How you doin bay-bay" (God I so wish I could type a greek accent) I told her "Okay" and meekly added "Suzy could you please trim my eyebrows?" . "Sho bay-bay. I do it when we almost done". So I guess time apart really helped our relationship. That is actually a real good analogy for so much that is going on in my life right now. haha.

So after getting my haircut, to which I went early to avoid the 5 o'clock rush, I had about an hour to spare to before I need to meet Jessica for dinner. So I went to a cooper Sq. Internet cafe. I just surfed for a bit. Two things. LL's blog i realized I neeed a translator to read. What with all the code names. I find myslf laughing and then reading a code and thinking "huh?". Now me saying "huh", with a look of confusion on my face is not an uncommon occurance, unfortunately. "Oim ah bid slo.Plead talhk mo cleely" (please read the preeceeding in your best, politically incorrect, deaf person speech with hand gestures. Thankfully, Heather hops online and I ask "Are you blay?" . I'm thinking BaY-lay (bailey) =Blay. haha. She proceeds to run down the Nick names (no pun intended Nick) for me. So Laura, I await the key for those who have not known you for so many years, but love the blog baby.hahaha. And thank you Heath for all the times you have cleared up these things. I'll also have you know that you got "Awwwww.....freak out" stuck in my head for the rest of the night.

Well, I got my ass to 31st and 6th Ave to meet up with Jessica. Talked to Nic on the phone. Red, her horse died yesterday. She was really broken up. She got him when she was about 5 years old. I got to ride him once when he was still fiesty. Trust me there is nothing more scary than being out on a horse,bareback, having just met your girlfriend's father 20 minutes previous. Now keep in mind that your girlfriends father is grilling you and is giving you that "Soooooo, you're the guy who wants to foul my little girl with your simian like body huh?" And he slaps the ass of the horse making it take off just after you climb on. Sucked. Really.

I then talked to my new/old boss about Raleigh for a few minutes. Excellent stuff. I am getting really excited. This year is going to be great! I am not going to bore you with work talk here.

Jess met me at about 7:15. (she's the second title today)She's getting married next month to Craig. I didn't catch his last name. I'll have to ask her. For the time being I am going to call him Craig McGillicutty, because I think that is fun. Ooooh, no, lets make it Ressica! Nah, McGillicutty it is. Though I didn't meet Craig yet, I did see the light in Jess' eyes when she talked about him. That was nice to see, though she has been stressed about work (another topic of convo), I could tell that this was one safe zone for her and that she is very much in love with this man. My personal feelings on marriage and relationships are cloudy right now. I still believe it both are good things. So, Mr. Mrs McGillicutty I salute you and wish you all the happiness in the world. Good Luck! And Jess, lets meet up again when we can round DOWN to a decade(and let me know the name, McGillicutty doesn't suit you. ha.

Next stop was, big shock, Toad Hall. For drinks with John and Lisa. This is where today's title came from. Lisa was on the phone with AliRu (hows that for code LL?) and I drunkenly shouted at her "Get off the phone Ali, yer cutting into my Lisa time". JJO, Li and I had some drinks, some shots and some good convo. She also talked with the light of love in her eyes. Lisa and I are good friends. It's funny how our lives have paralleled each others this year. There is something about love that changes a person. Makes you want more, strive for better than what you've had or what you've known. That makes you know that no matter what the future holds, going back to being who you werebefore that moment is no longer an option. The universe has opened up and let you glimpse what is possible. God I'm sappy.
So at about 11:30, with a glazed over look in my eyes, looked at both of them and said "I'm done. I gotta go". Which is funny bc they live upstairs from me. I left alone and stumbled home. I woke up this morning feeling not so hot. That's where the final blog title choice came from today. "Who brought the dog to the bar last night"...."what dog dude?"...."The one that took a crap in my mouth" God I love drinking. hahaha.

Later all.

The thinking ledge

I have had such a crazy couple of weeks. A lot of emotional upheaval and weird moments, Thusly, my blog has been the big ball of laughs that you have been reading, That is, if indeed there are folks reading this and I am not just typing into a void. I’m sure that all of you reading this are thinking “Tom? Pensive? Reminiscing? No way! That is too weird!” haha.
So the other day I left my parents house through my old bedroom window. When I was a kid, I did this all the time. It was also good for sneaking in at all hours of the night. Being six foot five and jumping fences in Queens my whole youth was good training. Jumping fences is the city equivalent to running in an open field for city kids. While you suburbanites had soccer and field hockey, we had street football (CAAAAARRRR!!!!) and Scully caps (I think that is the correct spelling). We played Ringaleevio (that one I have no idea about the spelling) and stoopball. I have no idea what suburban kids did. Anyhow, there I go again, reminisce, reminisce.
My room had this ledge under it. It is about 4'x4'. I started sitting out there every night praying when my cousin Brad got ill. I used to play my guitar and smoke cigarettes. It was my little spot. There is nothing like being up in the air, when you can’t sleep and listening to the breathless hush of four a.m. (thank you Jellyfish). Though my mom would yell at me about the fact that I was going to put holes in her roof by being up there. Despite her warnings, no leak ever sprung. So the other night I left the house that way. Good times. Though I thought that I might fall a pierce my skull on the wrought iron fence that lurks below the ledge, but here I am typing, not a prob.
I’ve been having a lot of my old trust issues resurfacing. I don’t really like that at all. I find that I tend to give things out only to feel betrayed. Not a good feeling. Been there before. Don’t like being there again. Trust is so hard to for me to give out. I really have maybe one friend in the world I trust implicitly. Thoughts on this anyone?
I am looking forward to getting to Raleigh. I think this is going to be an awesome move for me. I am going to be in charge. Which I know, once again, has you all in shock, saying “Tom wanting to be in charge?!? This blog entry is positively amazing!”
Kel and I were talking the other day about some of the old days. 1999-2000. Specifically about a certain science experiment that we did along with M.V.in my kitchen one night. I was going to type out the story, but am deciding against it. You were right Kel; I can’t make it not sound gay. Hahahaha. Also I would sound like a braggart. (“What?!? Tom being a braggart?!? Amazing!” Let me leave with a quote.

Kel:I think you’re projecting dude
Tom:I don’t know about that, I certainly project more than you”

Boy, that sounds gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. You were right Kel. Anyone else can ask me if you want the whole story. I will share.
Linz, if you’re hanging the weekend I leave, I still believe that I owe you one question bc of that shot at Blue and Gold. Damn I was sure I could beat you! I hate to lose! (I know, I know “Tom?!? Hate to lose!?! Holy Crap!?!”)
So in closing-
What was your “spot” growing up?
Favorite childhood game?
Finish this sentence (with something other than the obvious)- In the end the love you make, is equal to…..


Songs of the day:
Glutton of Sympathy-Jellyfish
Our Love Is Here To Stay-Ella Fitzgerald (From- The Complete Ella in Berlin: Mack the Knife [LIVE]
The theme from Rawhide-Blues Brother's Soundtrack (Rawhide!)

Jessica

I got a call tonight from one of my oldest freinds in the world. Jessica. Jess was one of my best friends for a while. We went to a prom together (hers) and were close for a long time. then I got married. Jessica and I grew apart for a long time. I have always wondered why I let that happen. I guess that phsychic was partially to blame ( you can ask hh about that).Either way I am exstactic that we are getting together this week. I've been missing her for a long time. She's the one person I know who actually knew what she wanted to do with her life in High School and did it. Pretty cool eh? Me, I had vague ideas about getting laid and being a rockstar. Damn, I really need to scan the old pics. They are really funny. Jess actually should have been on the list I posted yesterday, while she wasn't a girlfriend, which most everyone on that list was, Jess was a good freind to me, an important woman during a weird period in my life. It's gonna be good to see her.

Not packing

So I am avoiding packing up ar all costs. But I have been moving on getting a place in NC. I spoke with two real estate agents down there who seem to be able to source me a great spot. $500 get you an apartment, 1br, and patio, in the heart of downtown. GD.! I might even get a fireplace, for those romantic evenings with........oh........myself!hahaha! Sounds pretty cool though it also looks like I can get a 6 month lease. So here's hoping.

For all the girls I've loved before

So I just I.m.'d my bro. I find it funny that I often address my close male friends with derogotory terms such as "fucker" or "stinky" ,those being the two fit for publication, the rest are far too offensive usually refering to what their breath might smell like, and what may have been in their mouths to cause the stench. Actually Dave and Steve are the only two who get that treatment. For which I am sure they thank their lucky stars. They also are the two guys with whom I have bathed.................................................I figured I would let the image of Dave and I sharing a bath whilst adults sink in for a moment, before I would remind you all that we were children.
I came by my folks place to talk to my Dad. I had a rough night tonight. I was packing earlier and came across a hidden cachet of love letters from Nicole from 1995&6. The year we met. I guess it got me real down, immediately. "What did you do on Valentines day?" "Oh, not much, sat around and read old love letters. You?" " Oh. Ummm, I went out with the person I am in love with and had a marvelous time". I guess I was a bit freaked out. I hadn't read any of those since that year. It was a surprise I did not need. I guess none of us know how things will work out in life. Nic was, and is a wonderful lady. I feel bad sometimes that things didn't work out between us, but I know in my heart that it was for the best.Nic has shown such strength through everything that we have gone through together. You can't help but be impressed. She really has a great sense of humor. But I warn all of you, she has a razor tongue. DO NOT PISS HER OFF. I , among others, have made this mistake.
So I talked to my dad and had a few beers with him. He's a pretty amazing guy. When I am able to remain positive about things, I know that's something that I got from my dad. I let him listen to the two songs I recorded last week. It was kind of nice to do that. They were just amazed that Nic and I split up, that I kept things from them. It feels good to not have secrets.
So on Valentines day (now that I am not bashing that saint. Whoever he was) I want to wish good things to all of the women who have played a part in my life. Trisha Smith, for being my first girlfriend, at age ten, for ten minutes ( I broke up with her because I was to scared to make out) .Amy, for being the first girl to kiss me in High School. That chick at Andy's party when I was 15 .Jennifer Cullens (or whatever her name is now) for breaking my heart and showing me what young love, and lust, felt like, and for letting me know.Heather, my high school girlfriend, for letting me in and letting me learn about love at Forest Hills High.Kim Fiero, for letting me learn about lust at Raw and all of the other Rock and Roll clubs. Nicole, for taking care of me when I couldn't take care of myself, pushing me to reach for more even though I was often an incorigible ass and for still being able to take my phone calls. Heather, for reminding me that life is about risks and that to live big, you need to dream big.
So I hope all of you hugged the one that you loved this fine evening, Enjoy life, It's the only one we've got.

Saint Valentine........who the hell were you and why must you mock me?!?!?!?!?!

This holiday is stupid. Who the hell was St. Valentine&what did he do.?Someone tell me bc I refuse to honor his lame torturing ass with a Google search!What Sucks more is that all of my freinds, whom I would normally get together with are all out with their loved ones. So even though I think this is a lame holiday, a manufatured one ( I mean, the card and flower companies weren't doing that well selling stuff for Presidents week. "Four score and seven years ago.......I bought you this card, I love you" doesn't work all that well. So what do we all do? We go out. We get together and we love. And love is the most important thing. It just sucks being home. I really am upset doing this packing. I have also decided that I am just going to be packing tomorrow anyhow.My whole godamned life into a few godamed boxes. I'm throwing out anything that I just couldn't live without. Listening to these fucks on the radio talking about Happy Valentines Day bullshit.
In other news. Dave is coming down on Saturday for my party. Really looking forward to it! See ya'll there (practicing my hick-speak), if I haven't terrified you with my post.Later Gators.

So much to do...............send me your money

Well, this weekend was a good one. It is kinda nice to be gainfully unemplyed. As long as you know that there is something on the horizon. I have had this experience twice in the last 365 days. This is the second. The first was in late September when I first was laid off from Pearl Paint. I had already had tickets booked for Paris and I got my job with Kates Paperie two days after I was let go. It was really the best. I had the time of my life. Hanging out. Reading. Then, I went on the best vacation I ever had.
This on is feeling a bit different. I am moving away and can hardly believe that I am doing so. I guess, ultimately my hope is that this will turn out to be the best move of my life. I have realized this year that I want a whole lot more out of life than I had ever suspected. I spent a long time figuring out what was important. I guess alot of the things that occured this year kind of slapped me into reality.
I am freaking out a bit about this move. I really am wondering if I haven't made a huge mistake. There are so many thing I want to break my way, that I feel they can't possibly.
So here's the deal. I am going to get a cool Apartment. from what I am seeing, you can get a decent spot, with a porch and a fireplace for about $500. That is good. I want to get an xbox, at some point in the future, so I can play video games with Dave over the cable modem I plan on getting . I am going to get high speed internet and one of these Webcams, so anyone with ideas, tips or knowledge about webcams, please share.
I have so much to do, and I feel like I have so little time. Luckily though, as I read the above, it seems as if I have many things which involve purchasing. Any monetary donations would be appreciated. Please email me for donation details. Crisp, clean, unmarked bills would be appreciated, but checks work well also.

Later all

One Days Notice

Well, it looks as if my blog from this morning rang true. I am no longer in the employ of Kate's Paperie Ltd. They decided that I was moving to a direct competitor. haha. How art supplies competes with a foo-foo gift shop that sells paper also, I don't know, but they thought so. So I get a two week vacation of no work before I move to Raliegh. I probably should have realized something was up when my codes stopped working in the computer system yesterday afternoon. Being that they WERE ESSENTIAL TO ME DOING MY JOB. everyone seemed mystified.
Anyhow, I did get to work with some really nice cool people at Kates and was happy for the experience.I learned a bit more about business. I wish they could have let me knopw yesterday though. If only so I could have taken my time going down there to turn my keys in. Because I rushed so I wouldn't be late. lol.
I stopped by Toad Hall after being let go and helped Jeff (you'll see him in the pick on the right) and helped him set up the bar for the day. Jeff really helped me out this year. He let me train how to bartend at Toad Hall this past year, and has really helped me through alot of stuff. He did that again today. I invite everyone to sheck them out. You won't be sorry you did.It's a great spot and everyone there is freindly. One thing he reminded me of today, is that life doesn't need labels and you can't fight things that are destined to be.
I got my shoes shined on the way home. it's kinda like a manicure for men I decided. I stared at them like they were Sam Champion's Teeth (he does have some mystifyingly beautiful teeth unlike this person. I stared at them the whole way home. Thinking "My god.........they're glorious!"
So gonna chill and enjoy my new found couple weeks of freedom. Check you all out on the 19th.

Show me whatcha like

Now that I have put in my resignation I am no longer very motivated at work. I can still have fun, but I guess bc of my decision, what I say doesn't really mean that much to anyone around there anymore, I am not really into it. I still have to go though. I wish that one days notice would be enough and was proper.
With that said, I feel like I have been pensive and upset lately. Just too much going on in my life.So in keeping with the music theme of my blog in recent days, I am going to get off of it and ask everyone to reply to the following question. What are the best live shows that you have been to? My top five, in no specific order, cept number 1.

Greatful Dead, Three Rivers Stadium, Pittsburgh PA,June 28th 1995 (I think)-Jerry Garcia's 2nd to last show. The second set was amazing, it poured rain and I was sure that the dead controlled the universe.
Kiss 1998? Madison Square Garden, NY,NY-Opening night of the reunion tour in NY.Awesome
Van Halen, Continental Airlines Arena, NJ, Summer 2004-The night I became a Sammy Fan
Faster Pussycat, L'mour Bklyn, NY, Dec 1989-One of the best club shows I have ever seen.
Kiss 1989? Nassau Collesium, NY- The night a cop caught me with my pants down tow hors after he told me and my friends to leave the area. Hahahaha. Ask and I will tell you, though I gurantee that it's not that exciting.

Later Gators

Song of the Day-
Blackout in the Red Room-Love/hate (hey I'm feeling it old school today. Nothing to read into. Just check it out. and underated metal band with an AC/DC vibe.)

So as I have begun cleaning out my apartment for the big move, I came across my copy of "The Fountainhead" by Ayn Rand. Truly one of the greatest books I have ever read. A masterpiece I believe. I guess I really wish I could be Howard Rourke, the main character of the book. The way he could take it all and have a thick skin. I, unfortunately, am not that way. I am really in awe of people who are not affected by things, or at least can give that outward appearence. Me? I have always laid it on the line and sent it all out there, good or bad. I guess I need to really learn to pull back, but I can't. I tend to do everything with gusto. Throw myself in and not think about anything. Frankly, that has served me well, more often than not. I like doing what I want and what makes me feel good. I want to be on the skyscraper at the end of the book overlooking the city below. Read the book, you will understand.
So today I had two brushes with semi famous. I was called at Kates to provide the guestbooks for Ossie Davis' funeral. That was really cool. Alas, we didn't have them in stock. Secondly, I ran into Beetlejuice on the train. Not the Michael Keaton character, but the just as disturbing small headed, foul mouthed, drunken , ramling dwarf from the Howard Stern show. I didn't say anything. I assumed that, since he got off at Union Sqare, he must have been buying food for his parakeets at Petco. Once again, I don't know that he would have parakeets, but the thought amuses me. ("Here little birdy-birdy-birdy")
I also am feeling very happy today. I think my life is getting better and better. I feel like I have a new lease on life. I've good things coming my way.

Song of the day-
The Futures so Bright (I Gotta Wear Shades)-Status Quo
Reunited-Peaches and Cream (thank you Kate's muzak!)

Why is everybody down doobie doo down-down?

It seems that so many people I know are breaking up. Heck, I've done in the past year. Not easy. I certainely know too many people who have had a rough time of it lately. LL said that she was really down about things yesterday. I guess this is just how it goes. You love, you lose and you move on. It's just tough on everyone. I hate to see my friends down. Not a good thing.
I guess that I truly believe that you need to just move on when someone doesn't love you. So you go, hold your head high and keep active. I've seen a woman I know do an amazing job of that this year when someone caused her more hurt than she ever deserved.There's also the old saying "If you love something, set it free, if it doesn't come back to you, then put on some lipstick, a nice red dress, buy a copy of Led Zepplins "Houses of the Holy" and go over and slice the thing you let go into little bits while you dance around to "Dyer Maker" "..........or was that "if it comes back it was yours to begin with"? I can't really recall. All I know is that ya keep going.
I listened to alot of Willie Nelson yesterday. What a talented guy. I highly reccomend that anyone who has only listened to "On the Road Again" to give him a try.
So I know I am getting annoying and repetitive with the songs, but here ya go for the day peeps.

Songs of the Day-
"Angel Flying to Close to the Ground"-Willie Nelson
"I'll be There For You"-Bon Jovi (but ya'll should never beg "I pray to god...." nah, let it go)
"Love Song"-Tesla ( Just great 80's power ballad lovin')
"Somebody"-Depeche Mode- (Thanks Kel)

That's about all I've got for right now. When life is trying to get ya down. Make it your bitch!

Out

Songs

So I recorded a few of my songs over the weekend with this guy (be sure to check out Astronaut Down, his band. They are Damn good . I have so many of them that I have written over the years and just never really did anything with them. So I think I am going to try to do some more of that while I am down in NC. I need to. It felt so good to do. While I am by no means a virtuoso, or a fantastic singer, it is one thing that I love to do.
I am feeling much better today. Last night was really great. Not so down anymore. feeling very positive about my move and the possibilities for my future. see ya!

Gonna have to face it, I'm addicted to blog

I'm on l;unch now at an internet cafe in the city. I resigned today! Wasn't nearly as painful as I expected. That's good. I am feeling much better also. I was really having a hard time of it this morning. I got a Reiki session done this morning and I feel much better now. I was trained in this when I was younger and it still makes me feel great. After the session, I was told that I needed to examine the issue at the core of what was bothering me. Lift the cap and see what's in the bottle.
About a year ago someone asked me my greatest fear. It was being alone. I think it was that which was bothering me. I moved to Pittsburgh in 1995/96 but that wasn't nearly the same. Lot's of family down there and some friends. I am on my own in this one.
When it comes down to it, I will not really be alone. Ever. This is going to be one great adventure for me. I do hope that some of you will come visit me while I am there. My door is always open. Have a great day all. I might check in later, as I seem to be addicted to blogging. Bye!

Some kind of Alien looks for the best of both worlds

Going to resign today. Nervous. Had a thought I wanted to share. I am listening to a copy of 5150 from Van Halen. For years I was firmly in the "Sammy Sucks" corner of the great VH debate, which is kinda dorky when I look at it written that way. So I'm listening and thinking that this may be one of the great rock albums. The lyrics are much better than the Dave stuff, which is very much party music. Maybe I am just growing up. hahaha.So many great songs. Why Can't This Be Love, Dreams,Best of Both Worlds, 5150, Summer Nights, Love Walks In, Get Up. I defy you to not sing along with at least 3 of those songs.
I saw two great concerts last year. First was Van Halen. It was magical. A great day, a great time and fantastic memory. I walked out a Van-Hagar fan. Fell in love that night really.
Second was The Cure. Good show also. It was at a festival and was a lot of fun. Just Like Heaven is an all time favorite song. About pure love and joy.
I took out my depression cd's for my ride to work and then changed my mind and took some VH also. Glad. VH always makes me feel just a little bit better.

Songs of the day-
Dreams
Best of Both Worlds
When it's love
Alone Again, Naturally

Half of the time we're gone and we don't know where

Well, I have been trying to keep my blogging positive. Today I don't think I can. It's twelve o'clock and I can't sleep. I had a rough day. Still not eating very well, not sleeping very well, and drinking and smoking waaaaaay too much. I guess that goes with the territory.
Last night was fun. I went out with Joe. Hadn't seen him in a while. Hilarious night actually. Went to two club/bars. Had a laugh riot. Joe was trying to talk me into not going to North Carolina. He said that what I needed was to hook up with a woman for the night, join the band again and stay. I declined both offers but laughed alot and appreciated the intent.He's not a big fan of this move! Joe is the best.All in all it was a cool time. I got to have too many drinks, saw some really old friends and even got to dance a little bit.
At about 3 a.m. We decided to get a cab and go home. Well, it was more like me being at that point where I looked over at him and said, in a weak, drunken and defeated voice, "I gotta go" We were both trashed. So we stumbled down 6th Ave till we got to Houston St. When we finally hailed a cab, the cabbie wanted no part of driving back to Queens. hahaha. Joe just kept saying "1L95" (the guy's car number) everytime he would say anything about how he couldn't go to Queens. It was hilarious. We finally got out and got another cab.
I've been thinking alot about my life these last few days. I guess the fact that I am moving so far away has alot to do with it. With all of the changes in my life the last year I guess that love is the biggest topic on my mind. I just don't understand it at all. I have realized, that in spite of my history, I can be a very selfless person. Someday soon that is going to pay off.
This year has taught me a lot about love. What it means. The things that I want and what it takes to let things go. On letting things go, that doesn't just apply to love, but to my famous grudge holding techniques. It's not worth it. I still feel that you need to cut off the people who are unhealthy for you, but you can't be filled with hate.
People have told me recently about a lot of good qualities that I have. That feels good, because I often don't recognizer them myself. I need to remember that as I go down to Raleigh.
So today was really rough. I guess that's why I am blogging at 12:30 a.m. Needed to get this stuff out. I listened to my favorite depression song. "The Only Living boy in New York" by Simon and Garfunkel. I was feeling very alone and have been.
Man. Sorry for the downer folks. Hey, on to music! Much more fun than heartache and bad feelings. I am slowly remembering how important music is to me and how it is always the soundtrack to my life. I've been writing alot lately and listening to that much more.

Songs from last night:
I Don't Like The Drugs,But the Drugs Like Me
Highway to Hell
I Want You To Want Me
Twentieth Century Boy
Panama
Carolina

Well, if anyone has gotten this far, and didn't bail out on the depressing nature of this post, then thanks. What are your favorite songs and who, or what, do they remind you of? Good or bad.

Phrases/word for the day

Anomaly
You're not the average Bear
Fuck em'

Creative

Amazing when things change in life how new opportunities arrive and things actually get better. I have been on a creative tear for the last few days........well, creative plus declaring war on my body it seems. So I have decided to really embrace that, start painting again and really writing some new songs. I don't have the world's greatest voice, but it's also not a terrible one. Someone told me today that my voice has a very honest quality. Though that could have been a "musician" compliment (like when I say to a band "You sounded really clear" or "It looked like you were having alot of fun" . Clear= you suck but I don't want to hurt your feelings) but I am choosing to take that on a positive note. I've been really bogged down under some things lately, and I had forgotten my other talents&loves. In other news, I was invited today to stay in Maryland on my way to N.C. I may just do that. Well, more on all of this later. A great day! And please forgive the one long paragraph, this computer is screwing up.

The new Jack diet

Welcome everyone. I have been fooling with this blog for a few months sporadically as you can see by the older posts. I figure that now that I am moving to N.C. I should invite everyone to look at this. It will take a while before I figure out how to best do this. It's not going to be as funny as Dave's site right away, nor as well written as Niel's, or a diary like Rachel's. My hope is that this will become a way for you all to keep in contact with me even if we don't talk all the time. So ther ya go. Welcome. Feel free to link me into your site if you have one.
So I am, as most of you know at this point, moving at the end of February. I hope some of you will consider visiting North Carolina, and me. I will be working for this place in Raleigh. I have a one year commitment.
I haven't been sleeping well at all the last couple days. For a number of reasons. I should be losing some more weight though. I find that not eating and not sleeping well does that to me.
Well, that about does it. Keep me in mind and check in from time to time.

The reply

So here is the response I got from Snapple

Thank you for contacting us concerning our Snapple Juice brand . We are sorry to hear that you did not like this product.We have forwarded your comments on to the marketing department for review.Once again, thank you for taking the time to share your comments with us. Sincerely,Consumer Relations

I thought that was rather bland. I hope they do contact me.

Some thoughts..........

Life has a funny way of working out
There is someone for everyone
Never say goodbye, say "You have always been a part of me" (I thought that was a good one. I was told that yesterday. We all carry the people who we have touched and who have touched us, forever with us.)
Sarah Michelle Gellar (spelling anyone?) is a mediocre actress at best.
May the all you wish for be the least you get.
All of your loved ones are just a phone call away........it's picking up the phone that's hard.
Raleigh, N.C. rarely goes below 40 degrees.
Treat other people well, forgive those who've hurt you and live life to the fullest!